cyraehtela Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Hi everyone. I am still new in this community and I would like to ask your advice and your opinions. I have been married for 2 years now. I don't know if it's just me overacting or this is already an issue. I am being neglected by my husband in all aspects. After I gave birth that was when the neglect started. I feel like he is no longer attracted to me because he is no longer when it comes to being intimate. He told me that he is just tired and I just need to let him rest but no changes at all. :(:( Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 really bad sign. sit him down and make sure he knows how much intimacy and sex mean to you. In my opinion, a "marriage" without sex is no marriage at all, and it is steering towards the shoals. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Can you be more specific? How long has it been that he's ben acting like this? When was the baby born? Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Did he watch the birthing process? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Have you given him specifics? Telling a man you are generally unhappy will not yield results because he doesn't know to fix the problem because for him the problem is undefined. If you can say to him, I want to have more sex, how do you feel about that, you give him a chance to address your issue. Similarly, if you say you want him to give you flowers or write you love notes or even do the dishes, those are specific. Perhaps say to him you'd like to have date night every so often (give him a time frame: weekly, monthly etc) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JADIE Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Ditto SJS' question....did he watch the baby's birth and is that when his interest in you changed? When my son was born, my husband never did adjust; I don't think he could see me as sexy after that. We had sex 2 times in the 18mos following the baby, and both times at my initiation. He wouldn't touch me and pouted over the attention I had to devote to child care...his only interest in the baby was to brag to his friends that he sired a male child. Whoop de doo. After several months of the silent treatment from him, I cut him loose, divorced and never looked back. No woman with a normal sex drive has to live like that...OP if your husband won't consider counseling, make it clear to him that this has to change before you lose respect for him as a man. Once that happens, divorce is not far behind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wed4ever Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Did he watch the birthing process? That. I watched the birth of my baby girl and it was a little tramatic to see. It took me a couple of month before I could look at my wife's vagina in a sexual way. Its been about 6 months and I would say I'm 90% back to normal. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 wow, "very traumatic"??? Me and the polish doctor cracked polish jokes the whole time! it was a hoot. Not sure if my wife appreciated it though 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I haven't given birth but I hear alot of women say that their husbands watching the birth process completely changed the way they viewed their wife's body. I don't know if it's such a good idea to have them present during the birth. Maybe we should go back to the father being in the waiting room and the nurse coming out to announce the birth. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I watched the whole thing. When my son crowned, he had a lot of hair, and the doc was styling it into a mohawk. No lie. It never had an effect on how I viewed her physically, though. I probably spend/spent more time down there AFTER watching the birth than before. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I don't know how much I believe in men losing attraction after watching birth in and of itself. I don't think most men are that squeamish and it takes a lot more than that to knock out the male libido. However there are a ton of other things that go along with the changes in lifestyle that a new baby brings and not a one of them is very sexy or titilating. As unromantic as it sounds, some times you have to just try to put the bottles and the diapers down and set aside some time for both people to be adults and lovers and forget about being exasperated, exhausted parents for awhile. It probably has more to do with attention and appreciation and lack of energy and lack of flirtation etc. it's hard for either person to feel sexy and virile when your life seems to revolve around diapers and feelings and breast pumps and crying and puking and doctor appointments and sore nipples etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc. The fact that people ever have sex again after a baby is really a true testament to just how horny men really are. After going through it and looking back, it's a wonder anyone ever has sex again. Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I don't know how much I believe in men losing attraction after watching birth in and of itself. I don't think most men are that squeamish and it takes a lot more than that to knock out the male libido. I haven't experienced this personally, but I was once told by a therapist that this is an extremely common reason for marriage counseling. Not necessarily the fact that the husband witnessed the birth, but generally that the husband no longer views the wife/mother as sexy once a child is born. Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I haven't experienced this personally, but I was once told by a therapist that this is an extremely common reason for marriage counseling. Not necessarily the fact that the husband witnessed the birth, but generally that the husband no longer views the wife/mother as sexy once a child is born. Also the Madonna/whore complex. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 You know after the intense pain and agony of childbirth, if my husband got traumatised I think I'd blow a gasket. I had almost 24 hours of painful labour and if he couldn't deal with it maturely, our marriage would be in serious trouble. His job in bringing our children into this world was easy peasy and very enjoyable compared to mine. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I haven't experienced this personally, but I was once told by a therapist that this is an extremely common reason for marriage counseling. Not necessarily the fact that the husband witnessed the birth, but generally that the husband no longer views the wife/mother as sexy once a child is born. That's because they're not sexy once a child is born. They are exhausted, exasperated, stressed out diaper changing, puke cleaning, breast feeding, doctor appointment scheduling machines that are stressed out and anxious all the time and that is WITH a supportive and involved husband and with friends and relatives helping out and trying their best to take some of the stress and load off of her. Babies are Sexlife killers and that take that hot, sexy babe that used to make your dck so hard you could crack walnuts with it, and turn them into anxious, stressed out, pi$$ed off and exhausted aliens that you don't recognize any more. And they take hot, charming hunks that used to be dashing and adventurous and carefree studs and turn them into worn out, stressed, sweat pant wearing, flabby gutted, moody and frustrated dads that are now focused on keeping a roof over everyone's heads and keeping the insurance up on everything. Kids change everything and people are different people once baby arrives. Some couples manage to stick together and some even flourish with parenthood. Some go down in flames. Many struggle but somehow find a way to work through it. In this case, a guy showing no interest in intimacy or sex is very concerning and a very bad sign. It may take professional therapy and counseling to peel back the layers and reestablish connection. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 That's because they're not sexy once a child is born. They are exhausted, exasperated, stressed out diaper changing, puke cleaning, breast feeding, doctor appointment scheduling machines that are stressed out and anxious all the time and that is WITH a supportive and involved husband and with friends and relatives helping out and trying their best to take some of the stress and load off of her. Babies are Sexlife killers and that take that hot, sexy babe that used to make your dck so hard you could crack walnuts with it, and turn them into anxious, stressed out, pi$$ed off and exhausted aliens that you don't recognize any more. And they take hot, charming hunks that used to be dashing and adventurous and carefree studs and turn them into worn out, stressed, sweat pant wearing, flabby gutted, moody and frustrated dads that are now focused on keeping a roof over everyone's heads and keeping the insurance up on everything. Kids change everything and people are different people once baby arrives. Some couples manage to stick together and some even flourish with parenthood. Some go down in flames. Many struggle but somehow find a way to work through it. In this case, a guy showing no interest in intimacy or sex is very concerning and a very bad sign. It may take professional therapy and counseling to peel back the layers and reestablish connection. Not disagreeing, but that there is comedy gold. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Not disagreeing, but that there is comedy gold. Yeah if only it was actually funny while you're going through it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jackslife Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 It is exhausting but it is also hugely rewarding. i think that sharing the baby chores and getting up in the night and all that can bring a couple together. It is a tiring rough time, but so worth it. The skill is getting the marriage and love life back on track afterwards. I think a bit of MC for the couple wouldn't go amiss. I'm not talking about endless and expensive sessions, just a few visits to get a chance to talk. A date night is also very important, just try not to sleep through it. Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Not disagreeing, but that there is comedy gold. The stuff that nobody tells you ahead of time! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Be vocal with him! Hopefully he listens and things will change. Link to post Share on other sites
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