Girl31 Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Hi everyone, this is my situation. I am 30 years old I live in ny. I am currently dating someone who I truly care about I do everything I can to make him happy. I have never been married and I have no children and not cause I haven't had the chance to I just haven't met anyone that I felt I wanted to do those things with until now. My bf and I have been together for a year I love him very much, he is recently divorced and I when I say recently the ink on the paper is still wet. He has a young son with his ex and he's a great father which I love most about him. I always said I wasn't sure I want to ever get married because so many marriages fail but I feel different since I met him, most of all I want children which is my main concern. I spoke to him before about marriage and children he says there is no chance he's walking down the aisle anytime soon or maybe even never, he also said to me why are you bringing this up when I was the one who said marriage wasn't a big concern for me. Now I have been thinking differently and I would love to marry this man. He says he would have more children though which I am deff happy about, but I prefer to be someone wife and have there children. Should this be a big concern for me or should I leave it alone? I don't ever pressure him and never would, I would want someone to marry me because they want to not because I put him under pressure. I just feel I am at that age now and I know what I want. What should I do? Advice please. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Just be really clear that he knows that this is what you want, without making him feel pressured. Give the ink enough time to properly dry, and he may feel more confident about marrying again. Let some time pass and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 He has a young son with his ex and he's a great father which I love most about him. I always said I wasn't sure I want to ever get married because so many marriages fail but I feel different since I met him, most of all I want children which is my main concern. Sounds like his priority is as it should be - his son. If his divorce is as recent as you describe, things probably still in transition. For the time being, any plans involving you are most likely on hold. It's a process and he'll need time to work through it. You need to be realistic about the future. Step-parenting, his reluctance to get married and your ticking clock are all headwinds you're flying into. Are you willing to accept you may not get everything you want ? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girl31 Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Yes his son is his main priority as it should be and what I love most about him. If he told me today I don not want anymore children I would end it right there and he knows that I have told him that, his response was when do you want kids if I have a time. I said when we are both ready together Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 long term dating a person who just got divorced is very risky. they might be with you only to fill a void, instead of the right reason (they actually love YOU). keep dating for a long time. do not mention marriage again...he will just run away as soon as the fog wears off. if he is right, in a year or two it will become apparent. you are way rushing this timeline! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 If he told me today I don not want anymore children I would end it right there and he knows that I have told him that, his response was when do you want kids if I have a time. I said when we are both ready together Are you sure that doesn't fall in the category of telling you what you want to hear? Having told him it's over if he's not willing, he may just be buying time and assuming it'll work out later... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Broom Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 He is just recently divorced, as you said. These kind of conversations should not be happening right now. Give it some time and reassess. Later on, he could feel differently. Link to post Share on other sites
jackslife Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Remember your definition of marriage and his are different. As a divorced man he knows that marriage can lead to emotional pain, separation from his son and financial hardship. Don't be surprised if he doesn't see the rose tinted future that you do. Link to post Share on other sites
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