Eukaryotic1 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I don't know what to do. My husband wants the little one and I to move to South America while he attends school. ::Back story:: Around this time last year I found out I was pregnant as well as accepted to medical school in Australia. Back then it was decided husband would continue working as a Physical Therapist & accept a promotion he was offered. I would then instead attend a local Physician Assistant program. We planned to save,get a house etc. Then his mom returns from visiting their homeland. She disliked the idea-said it was wasting time & he had to attend medical school before it's too late (citizens of their country pay about 75% less for med school compared to the US/AUS). Before I knew it he quit his job, closed out his accounts and sent a crate out there. I tried to get him to reconsider; thought after the baby was born he would realize...but he said he doesn't like to say 'no' to his mom. He has been there for about 5 months now. I want to be a supportive wife as I have always been, but I really dislike this idea!! The only thing I could do for money is teach English. Meanwhile, I still have things to be paid off out here. The money would not be nearly enough. Also, when they found out I was accepted to med school, it was disregarded. The idea of moving to AUS was crazy,due to questions of work/living arrangements etc. But, when it comes to him going to SA, it's a better idea because his mom will be paying for everything/cost of living is less/and will be a physician w/o all the loans. That's nice...but then he has to depend on his mother for money for the next 6 years? We have a 6 month old! I want to be able to support my child, not rely on family to buy everything. It makes no sense. We have only been married for a year. I want us to work. They said I could attend the med school there, BUT it's only taught in spanish, it's 6 years (vs 4), and I would have to retake core science courses, because they don't care that I have a freaking degree in Biochemistry and minor. As an American I would have to pay about $10,000 a year-cash. My family would not be helping with payments & I would never expect them to. His family offered to pay...but honestly I don't feel comfortable with that. His family said I am being selfish. That I should be happy I at least received a degree. While that may be true….my husband was a physical therapist…I supported him while he attended the program...helped him study...he got to live out one of his dreams...put into practice what he went to school for. I want that opportunity as well :( I am sooo close. If I attend school there, I basically wasted my time with all the studying, research, blowing off friends, stressful and sleepless nights. All to move to SA for 7 years possibly doing nothing…maybe teaching English. Yay. The thought drives me insane. I feel like I have failed my family as well as myself.:sick: I want to have a career. I would hate to come back to the US in 7 years and still be at this level:sick: *Being apart is not an option-he said he needs me around to make the relationship work. I just wish he would see my point of view and put aside 2 years as I complete the PA program. Then I could do some work out there and provide some support for our new family. Seems logical to me? Am I being unreasonable? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 I'm just sitting here shaking my head and hoping I'm reading all of this incorrectly -- but I don't think I am. Just to be sure, he ACTUALLY made this decision and moved away without discussing it with you first, and without the two of you making the decision TOGETHER??!! This is completely nuts! Not to mention disrespectful and, in general, flat out horrible. This man does not value you or his child and he seems to think it's ok to dictate to you how your lives will be lived together. Not only that, but he announces that if you're not with him, the relationship won't work. That's the point where I would've laughed in his face. I'm not sure, but this extreme chauvinistic attitude may be common with his culture. There's no reason to try to get him to make him see your point of view. He will always believe he's the boss of you, that he's superior to you, that you have no say in any major decision (let's not even discuss minor decisions), and that his mother's word trumps yours. What he has done is completely, 100%, ridiculous. I think you should just continue with your plans. I hate to tell you this but i don't think this marriage will ever work. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 So your husband left you with a one-month old and you haven't seen him in five months? Sounds like you should file for divorce immediately on grounds of abandonment. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 So your husband left you with a one-month old and you haven't seen him in five months? I stopped reading after this part also. Absent a military deployment, there is no justifiable reason to abandon your wife and newborn for school. And relocation, whether cross town or across the world, is a decision couples make together. Your "mommy" doesn't get a vote. I'd say "no" and let the chips fall where they may... Mr. Lucky Also, your thread should be titled "Husband MOVED to SA for 7 years" Link to post Share on other sites
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