Life before marriage and after marriage

[Sw3etdev1L]

Hey!...

Well, I am pregnant.. sometimes I feel good, other times I feel very sensitive, sometimes I feel very certain that I love my life, others.... I get doubtful... This hormonal ride is no joke. It actually can be quite disturbing. And the tiredness.... OMG.

 

Guys, before getting married I used to have party friends, go out with many dates, have different boyfriends and I always used to have my fridays busy doing something fun..

 

It is weird how when I got married my friends disappeared, my men friends... and people seem to be creating their own lives and just disappearing, or going to othe places and moving to other countries. My own father almost doesn't pay attention to me, almost doesn't call, he is almost not interested in me or my sister... Living his life as a 65 year old with his mistress... Which disgusts me..

 

I used to see my sister very constantly and now, she's been on her own world... She has such an ill temperament... horrible!, It is hard to talk to her, she almost never calls me since I got married... and whenever she wants to call, just talks about herself or her boyfriends family problems....

 

When I got married, my "party friends" vanished.... I noticed that they were no good friends to me, they were only party drunk friends. So now, I ain't got close friends and sometimes I feel lonely..

 

My husband goes to work, and arrives at 7 or 8... at night, and on fridays he usually goes out with his friends in the afternoon and I eat alone. Today he called to say he was gonna be late... 10pm .... it made me feel like crap because I've been feeling quite lonely throughout the week..

I do housework, I have a maid who comes three times a week who helps me, I do my homework, and go to college and the hospital once a week... and lately this first trimester of pregnancy has me all sensitive and irritable...

 

Today I feel kind of lonely, and sad... And my husband is out having fun with his friends... which don't get me wrong... I love for him to have friends... It is just that, sometimes I do believe his friends are not the best of influences for him... and do crazy and stupid stuff.. which really annoys me..

 

I don't say anything, because no matter what I say he is gonna do those things anyway...

I told him I hate for him to have pictures of models in bikini in his cell phone all the time throughout the week, and he was like "too bad for you, I don't see how you are bothered by it"....well, guys, it might sound stupid but... It kind of bothers me...

 

I am starting to notice, he is gonna do the things that irritate me and bother me even if they do.... And I am so angry about that...

More now that we are gonna have a baby...

I wish he'd think a little bit more about me and just maybe say... "hey, my wife is pregnant, I'll be in my home at 8pm because we haven't had so much of a close relationship this week, and no sex is not having a close relationship".......

 

I feel a little lonely right now, and I am married and about to have a kid... and sometimes I miss my single days... when I didn't have my husband economic frustrations in my head, or his uncertainties... and I felt free to do and be whoever I wanted to be without feeling, he has to approve something...

 

When we were boyfriend and girlfriend I was like " hey, what if I want to be a singer?", he was like, "hey, go for it".... Now married, he's like... "singing???? no, that's not for you".....or, how about ...while boyfriend and girlfriend "do you have healthy lifestyle?"" and him " yes, I certainly do and, do exercise and stuff regularly ", and getting married "nooo, I didn't used to do exercise regularly, and hey I smoke pot, did I tell you that??"... " nooooooo"..... until now, 8 months married...

 

Those things guys, don't do them..... I mean, if you love a woman, be transparent and let her decide if she wants to be with you, your lifestyle and habits good or bad....don't lie, or hide your "small stuff", that small stuff might not be so small after all to her....

 

So hey, I usually know I am happy and happily married and have a great life but today.... Today I feel like crap, it happens each friday... I just think... There's so many stuff happening right now and I hoped my partner would be my companion, and on friday I am usually alone at home, feeling lonely and sad....

 

Then I think..... I need to be more of an independent woman... and stop thinking about him, so much and making my life revolve around him so much. Maybe I'm paying more attention to him than what I need to give him....

 

Advices?

[Absinthe]

Have you tried talking to him about this? Not just about the bikini-clad women in his phone.

 

From the sounds of it you have a privileged lifestyle. If you want your independence and don't want to feel lonely during the week, the best thing is to find a job - or, since you're expecting, voluntary work or a hobby / club. You'll probably make some non-shallow friends this way!

[dichotomy]

Some of this is things you own - your loss of your party lifestyle and party friends. This happens alot with kids, you do need to seek out other moms or moms to be - neighbors, co workers, fellow students.

 

However - your husband is being an insensitive jerk, and more worrisome it appears he has no excitement or extra caring over his first child to be? It sounds like he is struggling or refusing to make the transition from partying with friends to father to be. Has he shown happiness or interest - helping decorate baby room or talk about names or anything about being a dad and having a child?

 

Also your father - off partying with his mistress (is he still married?) should also be showing some real interest in being a grandfather and his daughters well being.

 

I am sorry for these poor examples of male behavior.

 

Here is what I might suggest, rather than confronting your husband directly, next time you have some time to yourselves - ask him to talk about his childhood and then his father and mother. Maybe something fun like "so what were you like as a boy?" and as he describes this, slowly start asking him about his dad - what he was like to him, what things he admired or did not like about his dad, what he wishes maybe was different.....this could lead him to consider his pending role as a dad - or reveal more about what he considers being a dad is or will be. Which could be very eye opening for you and him depending on his views.

Edited September 13, 2014 by dichotomy

[Mr. Lucky]

When we were boyfriend and girlfriend I was like " hey, what if I want to be a singer?", he was like, "hey, go for it".... Now married, he's like... "singing???? no, that's not for you".....or, how about ...while boyfriend and girlfriend "do you have healthy lifestyle?"" and him " yes, I certainly do and, do exercise and stuff regularly ", and getting married "nooo, I didn't used to do exercise regularly, and hey I smoke pot, did I tell you that??"... " nooooooo"..... until now, 8 months married...

 

Those things guys, don't do them..... I mean, if you love a woman, be transparent and let her decide if she wants to be with you, your lifestyle and habits good or bad....don't lie, or hide your "small stuff", that small stuff might not be so small after all to her....

How long had you known each other before you got married and pregnant?

 

Single or married, with kids or without - there are pluses and minuses to the lifestyles that go along with each of those. Your current feelings are affected by the hormonal and physical changes that accompany pregnancy and the transition from young adult to "mom". I have a feeling that, when you hold your baby for the first time, all of this will make more sense .

 

Only time will tell if your H will be similarly transformed. Newlywed and newly-pregnant is a lot to take on at once. Stay strong and positive...

 

Mr. Lucky