Jatan Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Hi all, I seem to have fallen with a younger man. He is 5 yrs younger. I am a married woman and the younger man has a gf. I know I should not but i just cant help it. He is very nice to me and always made me laugh. My own hubby had been caught gg night club with services. I have forgave him. But now i am also thinking of revenging. Advises needed. Sad and confused woman here. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Revenge will not save your marriage. If your marriage is over, get a divorce, don't cheat. If your marriage can be saved, stay away from this other guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
redtail Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 This is akin to putting a fire out with gas. In exchange for transitory pleasure you'll get long term grief and nothing good in the long run. If your marriage needs work, work on it, that is all that'll fix it. If you deem it broken and unfixable, do the right thing and end it now. Good luck to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 My own hubby had been caught gg night club with services. . What is that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 Have you crossed the line (besides feelings) with this "younger" man? Actual Sex or physical things like kissing? Emotional affair-meetups/conversations? What are you needing from this ? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 12, 2014 Share Posted September 12, 2014 What is that? I'd assume the services are sexual. Jatan, are you here in the US? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jatan Posted September 13, 2014 Author Share Posted September 13, 2014 No. I have yet to cross the line. Do men get angry if the wife were to revenge? Isnt it fair now? Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 No. I have yet to cross the line. Do men get angry if the wife were to revenge? Isnt it fair now? Generally - two wrongs don't make a right - it just makes both of you cheaters - is that who you are and want to be known to those you love - a cheater like your husband? That ssaid - what was your husband's level of regret and shame and pain over his sex with some professional woman ? Did he do the work to regain your love? Is your marriage improving ? Also I might add - while cheating is cheating - you are in love with someone, and this is not some random one night stand. Do you still love your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jatan Posted September 13, 2014 Author Share Posted September 13, 2014 Generally - two wrongs don't make a right - it just makes both of you cheaters - is that who you are and want to be known to those you love - a cheater like your husband? That ssaid - what was your husband's level of regret and shame and pain over his sex with some professional woman ? Did he do the work to regain your love? Is your marriage improving ? Also I might add - while cheating is cheating - you are in love with someone, and this is not some random one night stand. Do you still love your husband? My feeling for my husband is no longer as much as i do as before. Sometime i dont feel like having sex with him. No more urge to wanna have sex with him. He has shown great improvement to me n kids but that doesnt remove the fact of what he had done that hurt me deeply. He is no longer my prince charming. I am thinking of cheating to feel all fair abt it. However, i am not sure if that is the best thing to do to make myself feel all better again. I just wanna revenge. I have given so much to this family n freedom to him. Knowing what my husband has done has break my heart real bad. I just wanna have a one night stand to revenge. Definitely no string attached as i still n do care for my young kids. Just not sure if i am thinking right...anyone been in similar situation as me? Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 My feeling for my husband is no longer as much as i do as before. Sometime i dont feel like having sex with him. No more urge to wanna have sex with him. He has shown great improvement to me n kids but that doesnt remove the fact of what he had done that hurt me deeply. He is no longer my prince charming. I am thinking of cheating to feel all fair abt it. However, i am not sure if that is the best thing to do to make myself feel all better again. I just wanna revenge. I have given so much to this family n freedom to him. Knowing what my husband has done has break my heart real bad. I just wanna have a one night stand to revenge. Definitely no string attached as i still n do care for my young kids. Just not sure if i am thinking right...anyone been in similar situation as me? Then you really have not forgiven your husband... you need to make him work to earn you back completely or you don't have a marriage. You should not keep your marriage like that. I am sorry for what your husband did to you, but revenge is not the answer... do you really want such a toxic marriage? Get everything off your chest with your husband, communicate how you are not healed yet and he needs to work to earn you back. If he is not remorseful then you need to consider leaving the marriage... too toxic to keep it the status quo. Then you will be free to have a relationship with anyone you please and with no toxic feedback. In the end, it is not fair to you or your children for you to suffer in a marriage that is for not. Don't "stay" in a marriage for kids, finances or what have you... it's not the right move. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Well your in the same boat as i so to speak, but i'm the younger guy. since your thinking revenge, i'd say wait. only because you have been hurt by trust. if it were due to true deep passions for each other, and the lack of interest in husband along with conflicts that make you feel your not appreciated. Then go a head, as you may end up separating any way. Might as well get use to getting your old self back before the end of your marriage. this way you don't feel what ever you share between your bf, is not from personal issues that may arise from the devorce process. i do not have the luxury to be with my older woman in the physical form. there has been many times my ldr has wanted to be with me, and has been truthful about her marriage. non of her passions are from cheating husband, they are all natural and have not been from emotional issues. she fell in love as deeply as i have for her, from out of the blue. so, if i knew she was having revenge thoughts, i would pull away, because it is not love that we share any more. simply being that i will feel used. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 If you plan to focus on the other man then simply do proper order and get your divorce finalized before doing anything with him. Self respect and proper order is key. Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Revenge may be nice in theory, but it's a seriously bad idea. It only damages you, not your husband. Fix your marriage, or get out of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 No. I have yet to cross the line. Do men get angry if the wife were to revenge? Isnt it fair now? dig two graves if you want revenge .......revenge serves no purpose has no reason for being.....its demon seed.....toxic....poison........there is no hope in revenge....no good purpose...no satisfaction...its killer.........is that you want......to kill your marriage......deb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted September 13, 2014 Share Posted September 13, 2014 Jatan...don't be stupid. You are trying to put a bandaid on a ruptured artery. Revenge will only make things worse in the long run. Deal with your husband...either really forgive and stay or get out. Leave the young guy out of it...in fact you need to completely cut that off immediately whether you stay with husband or not. At the moment you are damaged goods and shouldn't be dragging someone into the mess. Get you life and heart straight. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grizzly101 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 At the moment, you may feel like you want revenge. But in all reality, it makes you no better than him. If you are truely "in love" with this other person, you wouldn't think of them as revenge sex, in my opinion. Do you think that an eye for an eye will make your marriage better? I am the last person on here to judge! I'm living in my own private hell right now. If your marriage is over, let it go and be with the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyRock Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 The pain you endured after your husbands infidelity, why would you inflict that on another women? Have you no empathy at all?? And what makes you think he would even have you since he hasn't broken up with his girlfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
youngskywalker Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 I don't know. I have read all the responses and they are all very VERY good. All centered around, do unto others as you would have done to you. Good advice. But.... I say, if your husband had sex with another woman and you feel like it would vindicate (make it fair) to cheat, then do it. What do you really have to loose? Or if you think you can find it in your heart to truly forgive him then go ahead and take the steps of true forgiveness. But, if you think revenge or forgiveness won't help your marriage. Then divorce is the only option. Cheat, forgive or divorce. Think it through carefully. Link to post Share on other sites
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