chelle21689 Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 We have been together for three years and I feel like I'm ready to start steps towards finding a place together. You see, the house he lives in now is under his mom's name (she was going to put his name too but he was under 18 at the time) but he pays the mortgage. His mom used to live there but she got married and moved out with her husband. His two older sisters live there also and pay utility bills. They're 27 and 28. My bf is 24 and I'm 25. He helped his mom with mortgage since he was 17. I really want our own place together because we have no privacy. And because the three of them grew up in that house for years, they still hold the rules because they're the big sisters. We can hardly have sex without any creaky noise... We are never alone in the house. They don't plan to move out any time soon at all. He could move out but what about his sisters? How should we work that out? Should he make them pay rent? They make around 40k each... Link to post Share on other sites
Sparty97 Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 If his name is not on the mortgage or a lease he is under no legal obligation to pay it. If it is in his name he has options: -Sublease to them -Sell it to them -Sell it to someone else -Evict them Again, if his name is not on a mortgage or a lease he can walk away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 I really want our own place together because we have no privacy. What are his plans? Have you talked to him about it? They will factor strongly in your decision. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 He could move out but what about his sisters? How should we work that out? Should he make them pay rent? They can take over making the mortgage payments and 'helping mom out', presuming the deed and mortgage/deed of trust is still binding upon mom only. If that is the case, his 'help' could/would be considered 'rent' and he would walk away without any interest in the asset nor obligation to it. If other arrangements are desired, and depending upon the value of the home and jurisdiction, it would be beneficial to ask such questions of a local professional. In my case I use a real estate attorney. If his mom is the sole mortgagor, the mortgage holder would have to sign off on any ownership changes or ownership would have to change in a way they aren't notified of/can't detect. There are ways of doing that but they require the appropriate professionals. He's been 'helping out' for seven years. That's a long time. Of course, he's lived in the house too. Up to him. IMO, if I had no ties, I'd walk away clean and leave the siblings to figure it out. They'll survive or can squat until the bank takes the house back for non-payment, presuming mom has no interest in it anymore. That happens a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 You should stay out of it. The only "safe" opinion you can have is "Do whatever you think is right, honey." If you encourage him to move out & stop paying his sisters will hate you. If the family can't keep the house without him, mom & the sisters will hate you. It's really not your business even if you are the reason for him moving out. Even if you two do eventually get married, stay the heck out of his families' finances. You can ask probing Qs however. If he does intend to stick around & keep paying, I would ask if mom has plans to put him on the deed. Don't press the issue. Don't explain why you think that's a good idea or bad idea. .. just ask. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chelle21689 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Share Posted March 17, 2014 Lol even if we get married? I get what you mean but wow sounds like horrible advice in a way to just say "yes dear" and forever live in a house with hai sisters if they don't want to move out and want his help for 10 years Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 Lol even if we get married? I get what you mean but wow sounds like horrible advice in a way to just say "yes dear" and forever live in a house with hai sisters if they don't want to move out and want his help for 10 years Well that may not be the outcome. Your bf may just need the right probing questions asked of him to get moving on that plan of action. You won't know until you ask.....have you talked to your bf about this to clarify where he stands and what he wants to do? If you guys plan on marrying and you and your bf take the "It's your problem not mine" approach to bringing this up to the sisters....I can't see how that will end well for you or him with family associations in the future. If this topic has never been breached make sure, first, that you and your bf both want this and are on the same page with a game plan on how to get your own place. Because if you're ready to move and he's not, that needs to be addrssed first. Once that's done, let him pitch it to his siblings. I agree that until you guys are married this is a matter for HIM to settle with his family, unless someone in the family explicitly asks for you to get involved. By all means tell him what you want, just let him work it out with his siblings. Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaHansen Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 I think it is better if you and your boyfriend talk about this issue. Because it is hard for a guy to separate to his family especially if he still helping and supporting the financial needs of his family. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 What does your boyfriend think he should do? What does he want? Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 If you're moving down the road toward marriage, then getting your own place is entirely reasonable and no one could dispute it. But first you have to figure out your plans. Is it possible that this arrangement suits your BF becuase it sort of prevents the marriage discussion? Or rather, it keeps your relationship in a kind of a 'playing house' mode, rather than a 'we're growing up and getting married' mode? Just askin'. Either way, if it's a long term situation, then perhap syou could broach the subject of a more equitable split of the costs, based on something you are saving for --- a house, for instance?! The other posters are right though: don't risk alienating the sisters or making him choose between you. You must get him on side first, then tackle the sisters together. If you find it's impossible to get him on side to a conversation about moving ahead to marriage and your own home, then maybe you have a bigger problem on your hands. Link to post Share on other sites
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