Boyfriend is too close with new best friend

[renniezennie]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly two years. We met shortly before I was moving away for school but maintained a relationship. Ultimately he was able to get a job in my city about a year ago and we moved in together. I have been very happy with our relationship and I often think he may be the one.

 

I don't think he liked our new city very much as he didn't have any friends. Early in the summer he met a new friend at work and they have gradually become inseparable. They hang out at least 1-2 nights/week sometimes more. I'm usually invited but often I'm busy with studying and don't go. When they are together, I feel like the third wheel. Sometimes his friend comes over and they just sit in our backyard for hours drinking beer and talking. When I'm hanging out with my boyfriend alone, the two of them are almost always texting. They are never physically affectionate (in front of me) but they seem emotionally very open with each other.

 

My boyfriend is 27; his friend is 31. The friend also has a girlfriend who lives several hours away and he himself is new to town so I don't think either of them have many/any friends locally and are happy to have found each other. When his girlfriend visited town a few months ago we all got together and they seem to have a pretty normal relationship (from what I could assess in three hours!).

 

My boyfriend has had plenty of girlfriends and I don't have any reason to suspect he is gay/bi/cheating on me, but does anybody else think it is weird for two men of this age to spend so much time together alone? His friend is going on a vacation for work but his girlfriend can't make it so he invited my boyfriend to join him for 4-5 days (he can take somebody with him for free). I assume it's all innocent, but I thought boys were over having best friends like this at this point. I'll finish school in another year, so this situation is temporary but I don't know if it seems like a red flag to others. I can ask him, but wanted to get some feelers out here first.

 

Thoughts?

[d0nnivain]

You have a life in your new city . . .friends from school, a purpose. Your BF has his job & this guy.

 

Are things better when the buddy's GF is around? If you haven't met her arrange a double date.

 

I'd also ask your BF to text less when the 2 of you are spending quality time together. A simple I'm hanging out with renniezennie tonight ought to do the trick so he's not rude to the buddy.

[nescafe1982]

I agree with donnivain. Sounds like a bit of bromance, and a whole lot of "feeling vulnerable in a new city so I'm going to cling to the first friend I make" syndrome. I've moved a couple times in my adult life, and seen this many times... even been part of such a friendship a couple times.

 

Your BF and this new guy friend can relate to one another, and that makes them tightly bonded very quickly. If you feel left out, say something to your BF, start doing double dates (with his friend and the GF), and make it clear that you want one-on-one time with your BF. He'll come around.