Michigan Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 (edited) My husband is a very caring son to his parents...or am I overcomplicating it? He talks to his parents everyday, couple of times per day, we see them every Friday (live about 10 minutes away by car). At one point he said to me that if he wasn't married he would visit them more often. If his mother even thinks of watching a movie, he is already online looking for it, simply put: very accommodating. His father is sick, husband is involved in almost every procedure, to the point that when his father was sick last time, the father didn't know the details of his own treatment, yet my husband did. Which is correct, no, it doesn't take away from our time together but just the whole idea of him babysitting his parents like that bothers me. It's to the point I no longer see him as a man, I see him as a boy... Don't get me wrong, he is a very caring and loving husband but his "mommy's boy" ways really turn me off, so the question of the day is: Am I the one with the problem and he is just a caring son? Edited November 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Personal information redacted Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's TOO enmeshed IMHO. He sounds like a decent guy with two elderly parents that is helping navigate some of the modernity around them. It doesn't sound particularly "boyish" to me either. They may not learn to do certain things even partly because they like their son and want him around. And he doesn't seem to mind either. But that's just me. Every relationship we have has a certain level of dependency to it. I don't think this one has reached epic proportions. Is it interfering in your actual marriage or is it just that you don't like how accommodating he is to them? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 I paid my parents bills for them in the end because they were too confused. The movie thing is a bit much. As for your husbands involvement in his parents' health care that is an absolute MUST. Many elderly people can't understand what their doctors are saying & if they were raised in a certain generation they won't speak up or question the doctor. That causes lots of problems. You can ask if he can back off the movies & maybe skip a Friday here or there but applaud him for being involved in their health. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michigan Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 No, it doesn't really interfere with our marriage besides this whole thing having a negative effect on our intimacy, since in my eyes I see him as a boy, I'm no longer turned on. The doctor thing, it's not like they are 80, what bothers me is that they are very self sufficient 65 year olds, mentally stable and physically able. Why does my husband have to go to the doctor if his mother does not want to go with her husband? What's more, his mother told me that she always wanted a girl because girls are always by the side of their parents and when my husband was born she was really upset and cried. That was a bit unsettling, so I am thinking she raised him as a girl Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Caregiving shouldn't be a gender specific trait. I started going to my parents doctors' appointments with them when they were in their early 60s. It's a hot button issue for me & one that is very dear to my heart but the more you complain about it, the more I wonder about your capacity for compassion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michigan Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 (edited) I do have compassion, I do feel bad that his father is sick I'm just fed up. They ask him to do everything, there hasn't been one week where they didn't need something from him. When we go away on vacation my husband insists on sending them our photos when we are there even though when we come back from vacation we always go through all of our photos and tell them everything about our vacation. If they are so needy when they are self sufficient, what awaits when they will actually NEED our help? Edited November 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Personal information redacted Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Which is correct, no, it doesn't take away from our time together but just the whole idea of him babysitting his parents like that bothers me. It's to the point I no longer see him as a man, I see him as a boy... Don't get me wrong, he is a very caring and loving husband but his "mommy's boy" ways really turn me off, so the question of the day is: Am I the one with the problem and he is just a caring son? If he was a "mummy's boy" then it would not be him doing things for his parents, it would be them doing things for him because he was not capable or was just too lazy. It sounds to me that your husband is actually very caring and supportive, capable and someone who can be depended on. I would see this as a positive. I know as my father gets older, I worry about him more and want to do more to help. Sounds like your husband feels the same. Link to post Share on other sites
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