ImageofLove Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Hi all, Well, my partner told me what he planned to do about a proposal after I brought it up again. He is worried about his contracted work being extended but he earns a large income and has done for the 4yrs and 9ths we have been together. He wanted to buy a ring that I can wear to work and so that the proposal can be a surprise. He then thought we could pick out another ring together that will the 'real' engagement ring (I told him a while ago I thought it would be nice to pick a ring out together). I find it a bit strange that he is willing to buy 2 rings when in another breath he is saying he is a bit worried about money. Do you think this is just a 'shut up' ring? Pick a ring 'later' stands out to me and seems a bit like a promise waiting to be broken again. It makes me feel that he is saying "I have every intention of marrying you but just not yet". What do people think? We are in our early to late 30s and live together. Appreciate your responses. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
TooManyShoes Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 To be honest this does sound a bit strange. I'm not really following the logic behind the two rings. Is there a reason why everyone can't know yet? If he plans to hide the engagement from his family as well, I would worry. I wonder if you are comfortable enough to just tell him honestly that you are OK with just one ring which you want to pick out with him? See if that makes him hesitant. If yes, just ask him whats going on. I've learnt that in these situations taking the bull by the horns really helps. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I don't get it. He wants to buy you a ring right now so that you have one to wear to work (?) but it won't be your real engagement ring -- the real engagement ring will come later, with a real proposal? So you'll have a ring, but it's not technically an engagement ring, and you won't actually be engaged?? It sounds to me like he is stalling. The first ring does kinda sound like a "shut up" ring. Do you guys talk openly & honestly about marriage? Does he seem excited about the idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I concur with the others that this sounds very strange. What's the point of buying you a ring that you can "wear to work?" If it's not an engagement ring and you wouldn't be engaged, then what is the point of that? It does sound like a stall tactic to me. It appears that your boyfriend's train of thought maybe to "temporarily satisfy" you with some nice ring that you can show off to coworkers in hopes that it will get you to stop bugging him for awhile. Tell him you do NOT want this crazy replacement ring, and that he should propose with a REAL engagement ring when he is ready to do so. Also tell him that you want to pick out the ring together...and see what he says to that! The question is, if he admits he isn't ready to get engaged, are you willing to wait for him? Link to post Share on other sites
Kivu Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I think it's either a shut up ring or...is he jealous about someone at your work? He may be willing to give you a ring so people at work know that you are serious about him. I wouldn't accept, if I were you. Tell him that you know he's worried about money and you don't want a ring like that, because it's a waste. He should save his money for the real engagement ring. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 It's a shut-up ring. He isn't ready to get engaged yet, but he thinks you'll be satisfied for a while as long as you have a nice ring to show off to people. If you accept this ring, you'll pretty much be unable to say anything about not being married, because he'll throw it back in your face that he bought you a ring already! Refuse his offer and say you'll be happy with just the one engagement ring when he's ready to propose. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 it sounds like he wants to buy a ring with a fake stone put into a nice setting for the OP to wear now but intends to get her another ring when finances are more stable. Personally? I think all engagement rings should be modest, the big ring reserved for the 25th anniversary Link to post Share on other sites
Author ImageofLove Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 Thanks for your responses. He said it will be the engagement ring but because we have talked about it so much he still wanted to make it a surprise and I'm guessing he wants to not feel pressured and do it his way. I have always said I want to pick out a ring together but he has always wanted to propose with a ring so he said getting another ring was his way of proposing. I asked him when we would pick the ring out together and he said after the proposal. I told him not to waste his money and we had a fight because I cracked up about it being a 'shut up ring'! He was adamant that it's not and he has always said he is ready for marriage. Maybe it's just not our time to get married. I don't feel that neither one of us is excited about getting married. I just feel the day is such a waste of money and I can't get excited about this but at the same time I would like to get married one day. We both keep thinking that we could go overseas again with the money you would spend on one day! Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
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