Nancy Posted October 30, 2003 Share Posted October 30, 2003 Hi everyone! How to start??? well... here's the problem. He's a great guy and a great father. I love him a lot. always working hard to support me and our baby. Until he start with his drugs again... 2 days ago he came home and I knew right away that he was "high". What do I do? dump him? wait for him to get over it? we have a child that I don't want him to see all that, he's 1 now but soon he'll understand. I have no family, no car and no job. my baby has no daycare I am staying at home with him. He went to some therapy last year and was clean for 10 months until 2 days ago.... He says that the fact that it happened only once in the last year is good news and I shouldn't make a "big deal" about this time... what do you think??? Should I stay or should I go? Any advice will be great! N. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted October 30, 2003 Share Posted October 30, 2003 Nancy, What is your husband High on? Before I give ANY advice I have to know. Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted October 30, 2003 Share Posted October 30, 2003 You can't change him - he is the only one who can do that. For your sake and the sake of your child you should leave. There are a lot of people out there who don't do drugs - you don't need to tolerate it and you shouldn't put your child in jeopardy - your son may start coming home stoned - or get arrested - or get dead. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 30, 2003 Share Posted October 30, 2003 He says that the fact that it happened only once in the last year is good news and I shouldn't make a "big deal" about this time... what do you think??? It is a big deal. He's had a relapse, and now you'll have to start detox, treatment & counseling all over again depending on what your husband is using. Of course, the denial that it's even a problem will return just like it did the first time around. No one can tell you whether it's best to throw in the towel and give up, or whether you're strong enough to stand by him through it all again no matter how many times it takes. Been there myself, with both my ex-husband and my daughter. I managed to stay strong for fifteen years before I finally burned out and gave up. But by then, I had exhausted every option and was finally mentally ready to surrender. I gave up, but that doesn't mean that you have to until you're good and ready. Whichever you choose, you still have a long road ahead and I wish you much luck and strength. As long as you still love him, there is always hope... Link to post Share on other sites
Nancy Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 Hi all. Thanks a lot for your advice. For your questions he's "high" on metaemphedmines or shuold I write "Speed" which is a heavy one. I will start going to a meetings where all people are relatives, friends of drug abusers and they will teach me what I can do to help me and my son. I will re-build my own life and he wants to join us here there is always a place in my heart for him. Isn't that a better way? Nancy Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 That is absolutely the best place to start! If your husband remains in denial that he has a problem, and refuses to get back on a rehab program, than you must take the necessary steps you need for you and your son in the event you decided "enough is enough" and choose to leave. Meanwhile, get together a plan for yourself. Start addressing your financial needs. Start looking for a place where you might be able to find employment, help with the care of your son while you're at work, and possibly where you might be able to relocate. Perhaps, if he doesn't come around, you might be able to persuade him to move elsewhere. Attend your meetings and continue to insist that your husband get help. When and if the day comes you can no longer tolerate the relationship, seek legal advice with an attorney (preferably female) concerning what your options are regarding divorce and settlement. You ARE NOT trapped and do not need to exhaust yourself trying to help him if he won't help himself. Don't invest more time and energy than you feel you can afford to loose. Unfortunately, love and hope is not always enough to save someone h*ll bent on self-destruction. You and your son must COME FIRST. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 31, 2003 Share Posted October 31, 2003 PS...how difficult would it be to convince your husband to enroll in a 30-day program at a rehabilitation facility? Sometimes, depending on who your husband is employed with, they are required to give him the time off for treatment. Also, depending on your insurance plan, the cost may also be covered. Check for such facilities in your area and speak to someone over the phone and get all the information you need. Sometimes it's best to get them into hospital where they are removed from their environment for a while. Of course, since he is a legal adult, you may not be able to get him committed or convince him to stay. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts