bloggervenus Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 After 5, 10, 20 years of marriage do you still find your husbands attractive? Can sexual attraction to one partner last? Yes, the initial sparks and the intense attraction of the beginning eventually dies, so I am not asking about that. Just simply want to know, do you still desire your husbands after years have gone by? I have been married for 7 years. Long story. I married him because he is a great guy, but I was never attracted to him sexually, and still am not. I am just wondering if everyone ends up here even if they start with an attraction, or can it last? Thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 If you have no attraction to begin with, what is there to maintain? You're not going to miraculously find something that was never there to begin with. If there is a genuine spark in the beginning, then yes, I think it can last. But I think a genuine spark between two people is kind of rare, and most people don't hold out for that... they marry someone who is "okay" and gradually lose attraction to him/her over time, because really they were never completely into them in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Thornton is right. If the fires were burning when you married, its far easier to keep them going than to try to kindle a new fire, when the spark is dead. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 not sure if I'd call it a "spark" – that's pure chemistry, IMO – but there was a strong emotional as well as physical attraction to my husband when I first met him 20 years ago. And there still is, even though our sex life barely has a heartbeat because of his health problems ... I still want only him for that particular order of business Link to post Share on other sites
Author bloggervenus Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 Thanks all. I was brought up not to believe in chemistry. My parents taught me that with a good man, chemistry would follow as well... it didn't :-( Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I've only been married a couple of weeks, so I guess I'm not qualified to answer this one for myself...however my parents will be celebrating their 40th in the spring, and my mom is constantly grabbing my dad's ass, and talking about how handsome he is, and I know they still do the deed pretty regularly, as I have to turn on some white noise so as not to overhear them when I am visiting. So I suspect that's a "yes" in their book, at least. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeful1980 Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 One thing I have learned being married to my husband is that my attraction to him is directly related to how much respect I have for him. When he does something I find particularly amazing like get a raise at his job or some other way that shows he's a good provider, those are the times when I am most attracted to him. Link to post Share on other sites
adiaz Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 After 5, 10, 20 years of marriage do you still find your husbands attractive? Can sexual attraction to one partner last? Yes, the initial sparks and the intense attraction of the beginning eventually dies, so I am not asking about that. Just simply want to know, do you still desire your husbands after years have gone by? I have been married for 7 years. Long story. I married him because he is a great guy, but I was never attracted to him sexually, and still am not. I am just wondering if everyone ends up here even if they start with an attraction, or can it last? Thanks in advance! My husband and I started dating the night after we first slept together (he was my best friend of 2years.) 8 years after, it is still explosive. We do it often and we get it done, lol! Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 :)Hey, Its Spark! I never felt for anyone what I have felt for my spouse. Our sexual compatibility has always been off the charts, and I know how lucky we are. Our weakness? Communication.....and his depression. During his affair, he told his OW that we rarely to never had sex. We never went longer than a week. Go figure. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 my parents will be celebrating their 40th in the spring, and my mom is constantly grabbing my dad's ass, and talking about how handsome he is, and I know they still do the deed pretty regularly, as I have to turn on some white noise so as not to overhear them when I am visiting. So I suspect that's a "yes" in their book, at least. My parents have been married for 30 and they're the same Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 years 1 - 5: High - 3/4/5 times a week years 6 - 10: Medium 3 times a week (3 young children) years 11-16: High - 2/3/4 times a week years 17-18: Low - but we still had sex a little more then once a week years 19-20: Very high - at least twice a week - she initiates more As a backdrop: - Before marriage our attraction level and quality of sex were great. - We vowed to stay fit and we have - Neither have cheated - both have had some temptation - The rest of the marriage, trust communication, love, kindness, commitment is terrific - sometimes the bedroom drives the rest of the emotion - but more often the out of the bedroom activities drive the sex before we ever hit the mattress After 5, 10, 20 years of marriage do you still find your husbands attractive? Can sexual attraction to one partner last? Yes, the initial sparks and the intense attraction of the beginning eventually dies, so I am not asking about that. Just simply want to know, do you still desire your husbands after years have gone by? I have been married for 7 years. Long story. I married him because he is a great guy, but I was never attracted to him sexually, and still am not. I am just wondering if everyone ends up here even if they start with an attraction, or can it last? Thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
lingeries name Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 The marriage certificate, on the other hand, seems to serve a security seal that tells the partners that they are together now, bound by legal contract to be with each other whether they want it or not. That formal loss of freedom of choice along with starting to take each other for granted, since now you have to be with each other and see each other all the time, is a poison to sexual passion and lust, and attraction for so many people. Our nature when it comes to many things in life is such that we really like having choices and having options, even if we don't plan to exercise all or many of those options. The mere loss of all options but one, makes us desire those other options and be less interested in one options we chose that we would have been desiring much more if we knew that those other options are still available. Perhaps that's why marriage, by eliminating all the other "options," makes our beloved partner, who we swear to love till death sets us apart, less desirable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bloggervenus Posted November 16, 2009 Author Share Posted November 16, 2009 I've only been married a couple of weeks, so I guess I'm not qualified to answer this one for myself...however my parents will be celebrating their 40th in the spring, and my mom is constantly grabbing my dad's ass, and talking about how handsome he is, and I know they still do the deed pretty regularly, as I have to turn on some white noise so as not to overhear them when I am visiting. So I suspect that's a "yes" in their book, at least. That is great news! I look forward to finding that man :-) Thanks for sharing. Link to post Share on other sites
mem11363 Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 When you marry you EACH separately choose to either: - Use the marriage as an excuse to stop making the effort to please your partner since they are now STUCK with you - Use the marriage as a means to grow together and make each other your highest priority - and amplify your life together If you both choose option 2 - joy is yours. If you both choose option 1 - divorce is yours If one of you tries and the other is lazy - a long miserable marriage is yours The marriage certificate, on the other hand, seems to serve a security seal that tells the partners that they are together now, bound by legal contract to be with each other whether they want it or not. That formal loss of freedom of choice along with starting to take each other for granted, since now you have to be with each other and see each other all the time, is a poison to sexual passion and lust, and attraction for so many people. Our nature when it comes to many things in life is such that we really like having choices and having options, even if we don't plan to exercise all or many of those options. The mere loss of all options but one, makes us desire those other options and be less interested in one options we chose that we would have been desiring much more if we knew that those other options are still available. Perhaps that's why marriage, by eliminating all the other "options," makes our beloved partner, who we swear to love till death sets us apart, less desirable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bloggervenus Posted November 16, 2009 Author Share Posted November 16, 2009 Hopeful, I totally know what you are saying. I am the same. I never had any sexual attraction towards him. But the odd times that he became a hero and did something that made me proud (e.g. one time that he fixed my parent's broken washing machine) I did feel an attraction. My second problem (or maybe the real problem) is that I rarely get impressed by him. I have lost respect for me. To me, he is a dreamer. I am a highly analytical person, so his plans are always like a kid's day dreaming activity to me. So, I find it very hard to take him seriously. Adiaz, Spark, Allina, mem, Thanks for your responses. This is good news for me. My husband and I are separating. I have been wanting to make a decision for two years now and I finally have. Things are going well and amicably. We are still good friends. I am glad that at least there is a chance that I will find someone in the future that I am attracted to for the long run. I was worried that the attraction would eventually die regardless of the person. In which case, my life would be doomed regardless of the man I am with ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
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