BBPP Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Ok here goes......I have been with my husband for a little over 10 years. We were high school lovebirds and I became pregnant, we have a 9 year old and a 7 year old. During our relationship, there have been lots of good times and lots of low times. One thing my husband has always done is this disappearing act. He will go to hang out with his buddies and come home way later than he said....It makes me angry and frustrated everytime, without fail. More recently, it has become that he now stays out all night and comes home sometime the next day. Let me explain the worst part about it. My husband is currently unemployed and the reason is because he got laid off from his job for basically not showing up (after this staying out all night and getting so intoxicated, he could not function the next day), so he would call in so finally, they let him go. Can't blame em! I work and have been supporting our family now solely for a few months and we are sinking quickly, my family has been helpful but I am so bitter towards his decision that I can't really stand being around him. So after his last lay off, he decided he wanted to join the Service, I was supportive and honestly think that he would do great with the structure and it is secure for me and the kids. So I gave him space, helped him through this process and attended his swearing in ceremony to be supportive. He does not leave until 8/09 so money is definitely still a HUGE issue and it doesn't seem like he is super inclined to run to find a job. Needless to say, I am fed up. My problem is that he is what I know and although I often don't want to be around him and just avoid any interaction if possible, when we are together and get to spend good quality time together, it is great. (did I mention I work from home and he is ALWAYS here driving me crazy)...so there is no break. Although I don't think I want to be with him, I do not want a broken home. I come from that and did not have much stability so it is so hard for me to even think of my children having that. I know that no one can answer this but me but I do not know what to do. Do I leave him and move on? Do I stay by his side until he gets into the service and go from there? Just advice would help. Thanks for reading and giving your input. Again I know that this is a decision that I have to make, I just don't know what the right one is (tear). Link to post Share on other sites
dozer4444 Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 oh my god ...speaking from a man who works 2 jobs till 11:30 pm 6 nights a week to support his family. He should be ashamed. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 BBPP, From the sound of it, you're venting your frustrations here, but - have you ever read him the riot act and told him to get off his lazy @$$ and find a goddam job - ? Broken home be damned, better two stable parents than an unstable home. Kids aren't stupid. They know when something's up. And you, by staying, and being a down-trodden push-over, are teaching them that a man treating his wife this way is acceptable. You need to give him a real hard wake-up call. Otherwise he'll be counting on himself alone, to get him up in the mornings..... Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 I don't understand what arm of the service did he join? How can he be sworn in but unemployed until August 2009? Something is not making sense. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenX Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 Ultimatum time. Normally I don't like ultimatums but he isn't helping your family at all. When he goes out partying, who's money is he spending? I'm kind of confused about the service thing as well.. did he say that he wasn't getting a job because he is going in the service? He NEEDS to spend his waking hours looking for a job. He needs to take responsibility for his family. It seems when he had a job he wasn't being responsible then either (hence him getting let go). You have to put your foot down and make it clear in his head that either he gets a job, acts like an adult, learn his tolerance when he drinks (read: drink on the weekends, don't get yourself stupid drunk on nights where you work the next morning) - it's called responsibility and he totally lacks it. If he doesn't do this in a certain amount of days that YOU specify then tell him to pack his bags and fend off someone else that you and your family do not need a deadbeat lying around. Tough love. He needs a good serving of it. You need to remain strong throughout this too.. if you decide to give him an ultimatum then you MUST stick with it to the end, no matter the result. If you give-in at all he will chuck it off and walk all over you, again and again, like he is doing now. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 I don't understand what arm of the service did he join? How can he be sworn in but unemployed until August 2009? Something is not making sense. A little long but if he picked an MOS with a waiting list this is certainly possible. He also may have chosen deferred entry. The answer to this question is easy to solve. What does his enlistment contract say? OP? You have seen them right? Link to post Share on other sites
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