oceangirl22 Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 My husband and I have been in counseling because of my lack of trust for him. We have been married for 8 years and he is a homebody secretive type person while I'm outgoing social person. Our trust issue stems from me discovering that he had filled out two online adult FF profiles. When confronted he fessed up but claims he read an article on how those sites were frauds and he wanted to see if that were true **ahem** That combined with a nagging feeling I have about him and his female coworker (now his boss) is what resulted in counseling. The counseling has helped but I honestly just don't know how to trust him or how to distinguish between my paranoia and real gut instincts based on his history of "white lies". The most recent event happened today. He previously mentioned that he might go overseas for business and if so he wanted me to go along since it might be a month or so. Then yesterday he said it would only be a week long trip and had a million excuses why I shouldn't go now. I overheard him tell a co-worker on the phone that he and his boss would be going. Later on I asked him again if I was still invited and who all was going. He never mentioned her. So I confronted him on this. He claims he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to "freak out" over him traveling with this woman especially since three years ago he "deleted" some work emails between him and her that he said I couldn't read because I might "read more into them" then was there. Hmmmm...over course now he's all pissed saying he's not going to go at all, he's going to resign etc. He is over the top dramatic. Am I right to feel that he was wrong to omit this information to "spare" me a freakout in light of his history of lying. I feel this just undoes months of counseling good. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 The most recent event happened today. He previously mentioned that he might go overseas for business and if so he wanted me to go along since it might be a month or so. Then yesterday he said it would only be a week long trip and had a million excuses why I shouldn't go now. What probably happened was that his boss wasn't going to go, and now she is - hence him inviting you and then uninviting you. I overheard him tell a co-worker on the phone that he and his boss would be going. Later on I asked him again if I was still invited and who all was going. He never mentioned her. Lying by omission is still lying. So I confronted him on this. He claims he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to "freak out" over him traveling with this woman especially since three years ago he "deleted" some work emails between him and her that he said I couldn't read because I might "read more into them" then was there. Um... right. If he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't have hidden it. Hmmmm...over course now he's all pissed saying he's not going to go at all, he's going to resign etc. He is over the top dramatic. Innocent people don't bluster this way. I'm sorry to say this, but if he is still lying and gaslighting you then he feels he needs to protect what he has with this woman. I'd call his bluff in a case like this. What he wants to do is guilt you into letting him go on this business trip by making it look like he is forced to not go and forced to resign by a jealous wife. Instead, tell him that you are glad he is canceling his trip and that he is resigning. Ask to see his letter of resignation, and let him know that you would like it mailed immediately to the head of HR (not his boss) with a certified receipt, and that you will go to the post office with him when he does it. That should shut him up. He will back down, and let him know that you are going on this business trip, or he can sign the divorce papers when he returns. Affairs won't end for altruistic reasons. They have to be forced to end. Its brutal and ugly, and WS and OP will fight you every step of the way. But... if your marriage is to have any chance at all, any interaction between your H and his boss has to end. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oceangirl22 Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 How do you get him to end the relationship with is boss --does that mean he needs to find a new job? Link to post Share on other sites
TheRain Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 How do you get him to end the relationship with is boss --does that mean he needs to find a new job? One thing seemsto be sure though. If you don't go, he and his boss will be in bed together (probably again) and this time, every night, for a whole long week. Link to post Share on other sites
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