Guest Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 My boyfriend and I recently broke up after dating for over 4 1/2 years. He says that it is because we both want different things out of life....I want a life with children and marriage and he does not want that out of life. About 2 years ago he did make a comment about never wanting to marry in life but I did not take it seriously considering in the past he has said: "i am the girl he wants to spend his life with". "i cant see myself spending my life with anyone else", "i dont think it is possible for me to ever fall in love with anyone else" "i really dont want to talk about marriage but see it happening one day" etc etc. when i had asked him if he thought maybe i wasnt the right girl he said that he didnt think that and just felt he didnt ever want to get married and felt as if he is dragging me along and didnt think it was fair to me anymore. he also said "what was i suppose to do? Date you until you were 30, 40 years old and you would want those things more and more and i wouldnt? things would have gotten harder and harder" When i ask him if he thinks we will ever be together again the answer that i keep getting is "i dont know". Another issue is that he has been very hung up on the fact that he has only been with me physically and in the past has wanted to be with another girl to "get it out of his system" per se. He is about to be 25 years old and i am 22 going on 23 in 2 months. I was wondering...is it possible that maybe he is just confused and need some time to figure things out?? Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Of course it's possible that he's just confused. It's also possible that he's not confused at all. It sounds to me like you need to take him at his word and make yourself available to meet other people. He may change his mind in the future and want you. You may still be available, but maybe you'll be far happier with someone else by that time. His loss. Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy0 Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 He might be using the idea that you too want different paths in life as an excuse to gently break up with you because he cares for you but feels he needs to move on. Or he may be genuinely telling you that he can't povide you witht the future you want. Either way, this guy is making it pretty clear that he wants to end it. I think you should move on and find someone else with the same mindset as you who will love you and help you achieve the kind of life you want. I think your boyfriend is being very prudent in telling you that if this relationship doesn't end you will only end up being very hurt. You don't want to be a very upset forty year old wondering why she wasted her life trying to get someone to do something they were never willing to do. if you think breaking up after 4.5 years is painful, imagine how much worse it wil be in another 10 or 15 years if he still doesn't want to marry. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 It sounds like he's done you a favor. You've both been upfront about your priorities which have turned out to be different. Doesn't sound like the structure of a happy marriage, so, if you are indeed interested in marriage and family, you need to move on. If it's right with him, it will still be right 5 years from now - maybe his outlook will have changed by then. Also, at 22, you are still pretty young. Why so much self-imposed pressure to settle down and get married? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Lennox Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 If a guy tells a girl he doesn't want to get married, that means he doesn't want to marry that particular girl. When he finds the right lady for him, he's not going to have any problems marrying her. There will be nothing that will hold him back from doing so. Move on and date around. You're still very young and you should be dating so you can sift through men to find the right one for you. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
4whatItsWorth Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 If a guy tells a girl he doesn't want to get married, that means he doesn't want to marry that particular girl. When he finds the right lady for him, he's not going to have any problems marrying her. There will be nothing that will hold him back from doing so. Ditto. Was gonna say it but sounded so cruel. But think that really is the reality. Find yourself a man who wants to marry you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 Definitely move on. He did you a favor by being so honest. So many guys string girls along and don't care. At least he cares enough about you to let you go. That is what he is doing is letting you go. Go ahead you will be fine. I know 4-1/2 years is a long time to be with someone but you will get over it. You are young and resilient. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 I agree with Lennox although part of the issue is that he wants to experience sleeping with more women. Let him go. You're better off without him. I would personally never take him back though but you have to decide that, if or when he returns. Hopefully by this time, you will have healed sufficiently that your decision will be a logical one. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 If a guy tells a girl he doesn't want to get married, that means he doesn't want to marry that particular girl. When he finds the right lady for him, he's not going to have any problems marrying her. There will be nothing that will hold him back from doing so. Move on and date around. You're still very young and you should be dating so you can sift through men to find the right one for you. Good luck! I agree with you for the most part on this. However there are some people (men and women) who just don't see the point in marraige. It doesn't mean they don't want to spend the rest of their life with someone, but they just don't see a piece of paper as a way to prove it. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 Don't be too harsh on the guy. He probably has a head full of Hollywood nonsense about the one and only. You are probably a real person, so you can't really be a fairy princess, can you? Well, now he is out hunting fairies; sooner (hopefully) or later he'll realise that fairies are in short supply and he'll settle for a woman. I had the same problem in my first relationship. I loved my wife, but there was always the nagging thought that I was missing out on something spectacular, something otherworldly. I was married to my wife for seven years, and since we divorced 12 years ago, I've regretted my egomanical delusions. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 15, 2007 Share Posted March 15, 2007 things would have gotten harder and harder" When i ask him if he thinks we will ever be together again the answer that i keep getting is "i dont know". Another issue is that he has been very hung up on the fact that he has only been with me physically and in the past has wanted to be with another girl to "get it out of his system" per se. He is about to be 25 years old and i am 22 going on 23 in 2 months. I was wondering...is it possible that maybe he is just confused and need some time to figure things out?? Please read "the ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives" by Dr. Laura Have you ever heard the phrase, "why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?" WHY SHOULD HE MARRY YOU. If anything, he opens himself to a divorce where you take 1/2 of his money!! and besides, when someone really loves you, the aren't intested in trying on someone else for size, regardless of their sexual experiences, and Telling you that .. is SOOO DISRESPECTFUL. Do you realize he has little or NO RESPECT for you? Would you tell a guy, "yeah, i really want to have sex with someone new for a change"???? Please realize, people have fantasies and such, but telling your mate that you want to break up with them after nearly five years because they want to try someone new.. is a blanten display of lack of respect. Now, I'm not against sex before marriage.. but, when women mess with guys where its obvious they want little more to do with you than sex.. is really sad. Especially because You want more. Don't attempt to change guys. Don't give lessons. YOu need one who is "ready made" In addition, never sleep with somone who wants little more to do with you. If you were to get pregnant, he'd be the first to jump ship, and your child would ultimately pay the price. Link to post Share on other sites
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