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Friendzone


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

Old 20th October 2017, 8:17 AM   #1
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Friendzone

Dear Loveshack,

I have been dating a young men in his 30s. He just turned 32. I am five years older. He has been struggling with stress on work. He's been showing me selfhelp books on stress on a video call before we even had met. He is kind of open about it. We have been chatting for at least 5 months now, but only been on a date twice. He calls more than I've done because I am a little insecure. He is really my type: spontaneous, and sweet when we are together. We clicked instantly. He kept sending me messages every night, until last Sunday, when I did not respond until next morning adding that I was very busy..... he has been silent since....

Yet, I saw him almost a month ago. He lives about one hour away in another town. He does not come up with dates. He has cancelled twice before our second date, and I got pissed at him. He told me that he would make up for it, and he did. Also he cancelled our first date too. But then would make other dates: dancing etc.

After I slept with him, he told me during that morning to not friendzone him. I should still ask him why he said that....

I get different advice from friends. Some say that he seems insecure and not experienced, others say to let him just go.

He seems so selfindulged right now. Perhaps he is caving?

I told him yesterday by sms that I that I am not interested anymore, and he replied that he is not amused by that. Because he took long to answer. But I think he is missing the issue? I find him selfish. I don't need to chat to him everyday, maybe just a small text or have a nice day here and there. I am not that demanding yet it feels a little strange. I am used to more agressive guys. It seems a little contradicting because he said not to friendzone him but meanwhile he has been acting a little distant since Sunday.... By the way he did not seem to make a joke when he told me not to friendzone him, because he told me that while I was putting on my nickers... It was out of the blue when he said it.... unexpected.

Last edited by Wissel79; 20th October 2017 at 9:07 AM..
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Old 20th October 2017, 5:50 PM   #2
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I hour away is not long distance. It might be inconvenient but it's hardly insurmountable. Most people I know travel at least one hour for work. You can meet in the middle & it will only be 1/2 hour for each of you.


If you have only managed to see each other 2x in 5 months this guy is not interested. That is just ridiculous.


He seems self absorbed & immature.


Get rid of him & find a man who actually wants to spend time with you.
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Old 20th October 2017, 6:12 PM   #3
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You just dumped him by SMS. Therefore, it's all over. Any further contemplation of this non-relationship is pointless.

Unless of course, it's to figure out why you spent mental energy wondering about someone who wasn't that into you.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 8:01 AM   #4
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My dear you both have lost interest in each other you move like you did. End the foolishness for good nip it in the bucket which you seem to have done. He didn't want to be friend zoned so you say well goodbye your not my friend I don't want you ever to contact me again.. Can say that way. As you have listen to what he told you. You leave him but not as a friend he clearly said that!
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Old 22nd October 2017, 2:55 PM   #5
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You did the right thing ending it, OP.

Meeting only twice in 5 months is ridiculous, given that you are only an hour apart. There was little point trying to keep this going.

Perhaps he is not as single as he presents himself to be.
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Old 1st November 2017, 2:30 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
I hour away is not long distance. It might be inconvenient but it's hardly insurmountable. Most people I know travel at least one hour for work. You can meet in the middle & it will only be 1/2 hour for each of you.


If you have only managed to see each other 2x in 5 months this guy is not interested. That is just ridiculous.


He seems self absorbed & immature.


Get rid of him & find a man who actually wants to spend time with you.
I agree,you are wasting your time with this guy,and by the way 1 hour is not long distance,my boyfriend lives 3 hours away from me.
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Old 1st November 2017, 2:45 PM   #7
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OR is he one of those people that embrace relationship by text and or email?
I'm to old and long married to figure that out. How many times have you heard of a person saying they were in love and getting married yet they have never physically met. I know I start wagging my head when I hear it.

I actually have 2 family members that will communicate by text or email all day long to you and then about choke when I actually call them in the midst of their texting flurry.
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Old 1st November 2017, 2:49 PM   #8
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OR is he one of those people that embrace relationship by text and or email?
I'm to old and long married to figure that out. How many times have you heard of a person saying they were in love and getting married yet they have never physically met. I know I start wagging my head when I hear it.

I actually have 2 family members that will communicate by text or email all day long to you and then about choke when I actually call them in the midst of their texting flurry.
My brother's girlfriend is like that,by the way my Brother died a few years ago,she refuses to talk on the phone.
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