LovelyRose Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 Hey guys this is a new thread but connected to my other one. Hopefully this is my last one. Either we fix this or I move on. The guy I'm dating long distance got upset at me tonight to the point he didn't want to call me. Was I wrong to tell him he's like night and day? I thought we were doing fine and got everything settled but now I felt I've really screwed up. Did I or I'm just more into him than he is with me. We started off chatting all day everyday and call 2-3 times a day. I understand this amount cannot continue as we have other important things to do. But what bothers me is one day hes sweet and responsive to me. Like yesterday we didn't chat much when we were at work but he sent me few sweet messages. Thats enough for me. He was very playful too when we were on tbe phone. But today nothing. I sent him sweet messages just a couple or so not bombard him with texts but no reply. Our morning chat was boring he wasn't really into it. He didn't call me for lunch and didn't text me when he got off work. We have a routine that I am so used to and of course when it changed I didn't like it. I need time to adjust. But he said he rushed home today so he can go to the gym and be done by the time I'm off work so he can chat with me. I know I could've handled it in a much better way...but is it all my fault for feeling this way? I feel so stupid feeling this way but I like him so much but he makes me feel he doesn't feel the same level as I do. This really hurts. Did I over react? Please don't ask for my age. I'm not young but I feel like this is my first time. That's how much I like this guy its so sad. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 LDRs are hard. All you have is phone & text. So you want more. You already realize the levels you are at are not sustainable. Try backing off. Let him come to you so he feels less smothered & pressured. Otherwise an LDR might not be for you. Just because we have the ability to be in touch 24/7 doesn't mean we have the obligation for that much contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 I sent him couple of text and a short apology voice text this morning. That was it. Not a word from him. I understand I went out of line and let my fear get to me. But I just now have to have faith and know if he really wants to be with me, he will come back. If this completely pushed him away, then it's just not meant to be. He needs to be as understanding and as patient with me. It's a two way street. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 What did you say to him, exactly? To be honest, this thread combined with your first one...you're more invested than he is. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you but you're ahead of him right now. A change in communication isn't necessarily cause for alarm as he could indeed have other things going on or is having a bad day and wants to clear his mind before he speaks to you. It seems you're interpreting it as a personal slight, though. And you could be right - it's not impossible that he's losing interest. But I would say the way to handle it is observation rather than accusation. I would take a big step back and let him come to you. See what he does when he's acting on his own accord. But I do think you have very different expectations right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Titanll Posted April 13, 2017 Share Posted April 13, 2017 Did you explain what you did? I seem to have missed the part where you screwed up... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 Thanks for the input. I just apologized for how I handled things. I ordered lunch for him as my peace offering yesterday. So this morning he finally messaged me saying he missed me But i shouldn't flip out anymore as he can't handle it. Said he needed time apart yesterday to assess his feelings. Said he likes me, I make him smile and happy. But he's all good now and actually surprised me and ordered some breakfast for me. Yes I have fallen for him. But that's how I function. I dont need a long time to know if I want to be with that person or not. Just like I also know I wouldn't want to be with someone no matter what they do for me if I don't feel it from the get go. My mistake was I was expecting him to be at same level with me and be always sweet and mushy like me. That was wrong, I know that now. Expectations = disappointments. I will do my best to just relax and not worry anymore. Its so hard though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 13, 2017 Author Share Posted April 13, 2017 Oh I screwed up because I told him hes like night and day. One minute he's sweet and the next day he barely talks to me. Coz he barely messaged me on Tuesday. I'm so used to him telling me when hes leaving work and when he's home. Or just telling me whatever hes doing without me asking. So when he didn't, I panicked again and thought something was wrong. Which is what I want to stop doing now. I just want to take baby steps and not expect too much anymore. Its just hard coz I've fallen for him Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 I agree you need to take baby steps. You are expecting him to be like you, which isn't realistic. I understand it's confusing when a person seems to change their behaviour, but again, I feel the way you reacted is putting a sour taste in his mouth. That's not say either of you is right or wrong necessarily, but he's already questioning his feelings and having some doubts. Let that be a signal to you to dial it back, or I can guarantee he will end it. Give him space to show you the type of man he is in a relationship. If he's not who you hoped, then you walk away. You two are still in the very early stages and you're getting to know each other at a distance. This isn't easy because there's so much room for misinterpretation. Don't assume a change in his communication is all about you - he has other things going on that could be influencing his mood or talkativeness on a given day. If you notice it's a pattern, then you have legitimate cause for concern that he's not that keen anymore. But a random day here and there? Relax. See what unfolds when you're not expecting him to behave like you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 14, 2017 Author Share Posted April 14, 2017 I miss that guy I was talking to a month ago. We used to have a game on how to make each other look crazy in front of people because we are blushing and giggling so much. When I tell him I feel sick he gets really bothered. Now I tell him that and he just say, oh prolly catching something. After we talk on the phone my jaw and whole face hurts from all the laughing. But now its not the same. Is this the real him? If so then I need to determine if I really fell for him or just to the guy from a month ago. Or maybe he likes me less now. Or he got too scared to be attached to someone this soon. Like I said, he did admit he was taken aback that we were actually working out. Whatever the case maybe..I know I won't get answers overnight. I will also know more when I see him again next Friday. See how he treats me. I have no doubt that he likes me. Only a guy so desperate and have issues will put up with what I pulled and our distance if he didn't like me. I just need to determine what really makes me happy. If this is enough for me. If he really likes me he needs to learn to stop being scared eventually. He also said he needs to refocus on his goals. Before he would tell me he tried doing his schoolwork but ended up not doing it because all he could do is think of me. So if this is him focusing I will be more patient but being aware not to settle. Im busy too all the time but the way I treat him didn't change. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 14, 2017 Share Posted April 14, 2017 I think all you can do at this point is see how things go when you meet in person again and if he still seems interested afterwards. In my mind, him telling you he's refocusing on his goals is a way of telling you he won't be as available to chat throughout the day. I wouldn't necessarily assume it means he doesn't like you, but it does definitely suggest he can't keep up the same level of contact right now. Him not being as responsive to you in his messaging or calls reflects that. It seems he's trying to avoid engaging in longer chats he doesn't have time for, so you're getting the blander replies. Just my two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 15, 2017 Author Share Posted April 15, 2017 I miss him so much though Today is another day where he barely messaged me. A short good morning and drive safely. That was it. He did tell me last night he will be focusing on his schoolwork tonight when he gets home. But seriously? Not even a simple message??????? Link to post Share on other sites
Jason Van Jason Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 Rose, unfortunately your need for attention is not being met by this man and that fact, does not seem to bother him and if attention is a need of yours, it should bother him that the need is not being met; it certainly bothers you. When we talk about love, we have many different ideas of what love is, but a good point to remember is that love is another name for what you want, not a reason to do things. Love is not a reason you talk to somebody, love is what you are looking for. Love is security. Love is attention. Love is communication. Love is many things, but most LDR's are not rooted in your fulfillment of finding those qualities of love, but usually only 1 or 2, kind of filling a hole, in this case, seemingly your need for attention. You can find attention anywhere, you do not need to.. Cling.. (I use that word lightly) To this person, just to get it. Now consider this, all your really receiving for your love list is attention, but there is so much more out there for you, than just attention. Go find it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MountainGirl111 Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 My take is that a person should not have to try so hard to keep/be in touch. If a man is really into you, he will be in touch somehow. I'd take a step back and see what happens. Another thought: Think about what it is you need and want from a relationship. Can he realistically do that? Is he doing that? LDR's can be kind of 'crazy-making' in that you want to keep in touch, but well, it's just challenging and often frustrating and leaves a lot guess work, which takes up a certain amount of head space in you and may be robbing you of peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 21, 2017 Author Share Posted April 21, 2017 I'm going to see him tomorrow until Sunday. We started off so well. It was amazing. Then he came to visit and after that he slowly lost interest. I super agree, if the person is interested they will be in touch. Just like how we did in the beginning. Yes long distance with him would have been great because we are both super busy. I was completely happy with him, something I don't experience that often. But as always, he doesn't feel the same. I just want to be with him one last time and end it the right way. He's part of my family so I will be seeing him around. Part I mean he's my cousin's best friend and my aunt really treats him as her son. Im very hurt but oh well. Life goes on. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Lovely, How long have u known this guy before LDR ? Have you gone through sexual experience ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LovelyRose Posted April 21, 2017 Author Share Posted April 21, 2017 He started attending family events here in California back in June. After that there were few family events he has attended. We didn't really hangout with just me and him it was always with my cousins. Not until end of January we started talking. That's when he confessed that he told his sister that if I ever break up with my (now an EX) bf he would like to date me. Yes there is. And sadly I'm thinking if maybe that also had some impact on his change of behaviour. Maybe not what he was expecting. I'm seeing him tonight. He messaged me few times this morming that he is excited and cant wait to see me. Link to post Share on other sites
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