Sjohnny08 Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 (edited) Hello I am currently blocked by my ex girlfriend, who I dated for 3 years and she asked for space and time 4 months ago. I know I shouldn't try to contact her which I haven't since I was blocked 3 weeks ago. But I fear I will never hear from her again. She never ruled out a second chance but she said she's not ready for my love right now, she wants to be selfish and live her life. When days before she was like I love you so much. She said she fell out of love but had no real reasons for the split. She would say things like "you never know what the future holds" or "give me time to forgive you" Now I'm cut out of her life missing her every second, she loves me but is forcing herself to move on because I'm 2 years younger and she doesn't want to wait for me to graduate. is there anything I can do that's special. I was thinking write a letter accepting the breakup and her reasons and thank her for the joys she brought to my life. And keep it short simple and not beg at all since I have done a bit of that after the breakup, never gave her the space she needed, I contacted her every couple weeks checkin in, but she never showed me any emotion, it was like she's being controlled. she said she didn't feel respected by me and since we were long distance it was hard to know if I was kidding and to forgive because I wasn't there by her side. Our relationship honestly was very smooth for a long distance, a couple tough fights that made it difficult but she just gave up out of nowhere. Nothing I say or do is enough for her when it used to mean everything to her. I Just want to prove that I'm a better man and the man she knew I could b, how do I make her understand. Right before she blocked me she was very bothered by the fact I was bettering myself now that she walked away not when she asked me to multiple times when we dated, and she said it's too late and proceeded to immediately block all forms of possible communication with my and even my whole family members, I think she really loves me and can't get over me. Edited March 31, 2017 by Sjohnny08 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 I know what the future holds. So do you, you just don't want to accept it. You're in a University with 2 years to go. Don't squander that precious time pining over some girl who has been crystal clear with you. Squander that time on plenty of new college girls instead. You'll be glad you did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 You can't see what's happening because you are projecting your feelings onto her. That's not what she's telling or showing you. Just because you're in love with her doesn't mean a thing to her. In these instances you Go no contact. Move on like she has. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sjohnny08 Posted March 31, 2017 Author Share Posted March 31, 2017 Yeah I know what your saying, she's not gonna come back she left me for a reason(s). But why would she be liking all my instagram photos before she blocked me, and her mother as well. maybe my begging is what pushed her to move on. But how can someone you spent 3 years with go from wanting to spend there life with you to saying they fell out of love within days. I'm confused and that's why it's hard to move on. She let her stress level take over due to quitting her first real life job, so she moved home and got a great job says she's happy now. But I was always there for her and she wanted me there. She loves me but shes letting people influence her and pushing me out because our age difference? It was never a problem the 3 years we spent together. And she still tweets about me after I've been blocked, things that are directed towards me she still feeds into my attention, saying she doesn't know what the future holds and we've made steps to move forward. She doesn't have a new man yet but maybe when she meets someone she will see that I was the one all along. She got scared of commitment cause her first experiences out Of college were rough and we were fighting long distance. She told me she needs time to forgive me and that we had nothing but amazing memories ... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Right before she blocked me she was very bothered by the fact I was bettering myself now that she walked away not when she asked me to multiple times when we dated, and she said it's too late I can totally relate to your girlfriend here. My ex-husband did this and I found it incredibly disrespectful. I'd spent all this time communicating my needs and he ignored it all. It was only when I'd gone that he finally made the changes. If I have to do something epic like leaving the relationship to make him hear me, then he's not the kind of guy I want to be with. Basically, I'd fallen out of love because he wouldn't meet my needs and then the thinks he can fix it after I'm gone. Um...just no. If she had made her needs known while in the relationship and you'd ignored her, then this breakup WASN'T out of nowhere. The writing was on the wall, but you took no notice. Also, it's not like she's being controlled. She's just at the stage where she's lost respect for you and has switched off. It's a totally normal reaction for a person who's realised that they've been wasting their time for too long. I'm not trying to kick you when you're down. My intention is to get you to see the reality if the situation and the role you played. Not to mention that a LDR is not the way a college student should be living life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 But how can someone you spent 3 years with go from wanting to spend there life with you to saying they fell out of love within days. Sometimes we live the lie of thinking that we love someone because we haven't given ourselves permission to question it. We tell ourselves we love them because that's life we wanted to have with them. Then one day, something happens which makes us question our love and we realise that it has ceased to exist. When leaving my ex, I was still saying "I love you" (while at the same time not knowing if I wanted to be still with him) right up to the last day. That morning, he got angry with my indecision and said that I wasn't being fair to him. So I left straight away. And almost immediately, I realised that I didn't miss him and no longer loved him. It was a really dramatic change. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sjohnny08 Posted March 31, 2017 Author Share Posted March 31, 2017 I understand it may be disrespectful that it took her walking away for me to see it, but she never really communicated to me about any issues, yeah a couple things here and there but it wasn't enough for me to realize I guess. And that's my own fault. I just wanted her to see I do care and she is my first priority. Will she ever forgive me in time and understand I only wanted the best for her. That's truly how I feel and what I tried to explain to her but eventually led to being blocked. She would say she missed me but was happy with her new job and needed time. I have a short letter written from my heart I'm ready to send her, not begging just taking responsibility for my actions and apologizing for the way I came off sometimes, and that I understand and comphrehend her reasons for making her decision. Should I send it. What do I do from here?? Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 She wants to go. Let her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sjohnny08 Posted March 31, 2017 Author Share Posted March 31, 2017 Some things in life are worth fighting for. Especially if they mean everything and more to you. I just need to go about it in the correct manner. Any thoughts??? Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 I can totally relate to your girlfriend here. My ex-husband did this and I found it incredibly disrespectful. I'd spent all this time communicating my needs and he ignored it all. It was only when I'd gone that he finally made the changes. If I have to do something epic like leaving the relationship to make him hear me, then he's not the kind of guy I want to be with. Basically, I'd fallen out of love because he wouldn't meet my needs and then the thinks he can fix it after I'm gone. Um...just no. If she had made her needs known while in the relationship and you'd ignored her, then this breakup WASN'T out of nowhere. The writing was on the wall, but you took no notice. Also, it's not like she's being controlled. She's just at the stage where she's lost respect for you and has switched off. It's a totally normal reaction for a person who's realised that they've been wasting their time for too long. I'm not trying to kick you when you're down. My intention is to get you to see the reality if the situation and the role you played. Not to mention that a LDR is not the way a college student should be living life.You know basil, some people have to have a heart attack before they quit smoking and start eating right and start exercising. Honestly, I think it had very little to do with you. Similarly, OP, given that you're in college and had not yet felt the sting of how to do your part in killing a relationship, how can anyone blame you? What are you supposed to do after the wake-up call, NOT improve? Ree-donkulous. She's bothered because somebody else gets to date Johnny 2.0? Too bad. It's the way of the world. Also, as far as falling out of love in no time flat, it is inexplicable until it happens to you. Then you will understand perfectly. You won't like that it happened to you any more than you do today, but at the very least, you will understand. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 You know basil, some people have to have a heart attack before they quit smoking and start eating right and start exercising. Honestly, I think it had very little to do with you. Possibly so. But it doesn't change the fact that his actions made me look down on him. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 Some things in life are worth fighting for. Especially if they mean everything and more to you. I just need to go about it in the correct manner. Any thoughts??? Thing is, she's made it very clear that she doesn't want to hear from you. So getting in contact will only show that you're not capable of respecting her needs. You need to let this go. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 Gotta say I completely agree with all Basil's comments here and it was part of the reason my long term relationship failed. But yeah, if you send her this letter when she doesn't want to hear from you you'll be reiterating your lack of respect in listening to her and giving her opinions any value yet again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sjohnny08 Posted April 1, 2017 Author Share Posted April 1, 2017 It's not that she doesn't want to hear from me, she doesn't want to hear me over and over again telling her how I feel about her she already knows. She needs to see and understand that I do understand my mistakes and how sometimes I made her feel disrespected. She needs to see I've comprehended the problems that led to the breakup and ultimately this. Instead of me begging or showing my love she will see that I have realized my issues, and am working on bettering myself. Maybe that won't mean anything to her or maybe it will help her forgive me easier on the future. You never know but I am sincerely sorry for the way I acted sometimes and her happiness will always be my first priority as she will always hold a special place in my heart. I need to let her know that before I go no contact for good. As I am currently in no contact 25 days right now since I was blocked.. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 It's not that she doesn't want to hear from me, she doesn't want to hear me over and over again telling her how I feel about her she already knows. She needs to see and understand that I do understand my mistakes and how sometimes I made her feel disrespected. She needs to see I've comprehended the problems that led to the breakup and ultimately this. Instead of me begging or showing my love she will see that I have realized my issues, and am working on bettering myself. Maybe that won't mean anything to her or maybe it will help her forgive me easier on the future. You never know but I am sincerely sorry for the way I acted sometimes and her happiness will always be my first priority as she will always hold a special place in my heart. I need to let her know that before I go no contact for good. As I am currently in no contact 25 days right now since I was blocked.. And do you realise how disrespectful to her this post sounds? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 She needs to see and understand that I do understand my mistakes and how sometimes I made her feel disrespected. She needs to see I've comprehended the problems that led to the breakup and ultimately this. She doesn't need anything from you, though. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 I'm not sure you'll understand this, but when the parents of a 5 year old child split up, the child thinks it's all his fault. You can tell that child that mommy and daddy are really just two individuals, with different hopes and dreams, who want different things and that it has nothing to do with the child. But the child won't understand, no matter how many times you tell him this, because at his age, the world revolves around him. He can't imagine the world in any other way. Everything happens because of something he did. Similarly, you seem to think this breakup is all about you and your issues and your behavior and your.... whatever. That may have indeed been the catalyst, but I'm here to tell you that there are people who have done plenty worse than whatever you may or may not have done, and their SO's did not leave them. They didn't leave because deep down inside, love can forgive anything. A love that can't put up with your imperfections can hardly be called love. I suspect that you could have been perfect, and she'd still leave you. Maybe not that day, maybe not that way, but you were likely on the road to Splitsville from the day you met. She doesn't need to hear any of what you're thinking about from you. She feels no need at all, which is basically the concept you're having trouble with. You're in the old mindset and she isn't. That's exactly why she's tired of hearing about how you feel, and why she has blocked you... because you're not on the same wavelength anymore. You're living in the past, and you believe in the old myth, not the new reality. You're like that 5 year old child. You can't imagine that she no longer thinks this way. If you want to make her happy, then go be happy and leave her out of it. That's what she wants for you. Go have a great life. I know it's not easy to hear, and that you'll resist this message, but it's true. Link to post Share on other sites
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