Separated for 7 months, falling apart

[baby_blue]

I have been with my boyfriend since April 2013, I love him very, very much, I knew from day one that we will be together and it was love at first sight, our relationship was always intense and spontaneous. 6 years ago I moved to another country to live with my sister.

 

9 months ago I received a job offer from another country, it was a 3 month contract, however after this period they offered me a contract extension about another 7 months... so one year in total. Basically, it was a very tough decision to make, but I decided to accept it. This job gave me a lot of opportunities and opened me the door to a succesfull career. It was my biggest dream to work for this company, that's why it was a very hard decision to make, maybe one of the biggest in my life. Well, the biggest one until now for sure.

 

We're on the other sides of the ocean, we've seen each other only once during these 7 months, there's still 5 to go... I'm sure our relationship won't last. I'm facing a big dilemma again, to go back or stay. For loads of people this is obvious - go back. But when my future employer will ask me about the reason of my contract termination, what am I supposed to say? "I missed my boyfriend that's why I quit"? I know no one will make a decision for me but I feel like being torn in half.

[basil67]

I'm sure you can give a more discreet answer than "missed my boyfriend"

 

What about something similar to "Absence from my loved ones reminded me how important it is to balance work and family. As much as I loved the job, I needed to find better balance. It was a very tough decision for me, but ultimately the right one"

[baby_blue]

I'm sure you can give a more discreet answer than "missed my boyfriend"

 

What about something similar to "Absence from my loved ones reminded me how important it is to balance work and family. As much as I loved the job, I needed to find better balance. It was a very tough decision for me, but ultimately the right one"

 

Obviously I would never ever quote I miss my bf phrase, but do you think they would come to understanding my case. I work for one of the biggest corporations in the world, no one at my place would ever quit this job, seriously people fight for it, try for years (like me), and give it up like this... Just my thoughts.

 

I do not put my career first, however this is definitely a significant part in life.

 

I was considering a transfer or anything similar.

[justwhoiam]

I have been with my boyfriend since April 2013 [...] 6 years ago I moved to another country to live with my sister.

9 months ago I received a job offer from another country

It's very confusing. So does your boyfriend live in the same country as your sister's? I'm not sure about your country, his country, your sister's country and your company's country.

 

it was a 3 month contract, however after this period they offered me a contract extension about another 7 months... so one year in total

In my part of the world, 3+7=10, 10 months not a year.

 

We're on the other sides of the ocean, we've seen each other only once during these 7 months, there's still 5 to go

You were offered the job 9 months ago... the first 3 months went by, then considering you have a 7-month extension, you should have one month more, but you now say you have another 5 months. So... was it an initial 3-month contract with subsequent 9-month contract? VERY CONFUSING.

 

I'm sure our relationship won't last

If you're sure about that, why do you want to go back to him? It doesn't make sense.

 

But when my future employer will ask me about the reason of my contract termination, what am I supposed to say?

What future employer? Your next employer? You simply say they could only offer a short-term contract. Or is your current employer ready to hire you long-term?

[Whodatdog]

Im not understanding your numbers. You've been with your boyfriend for 4 years, but you moved to another country 6 years ago? So its been a long distance relationship?

 

Theres a lot of details missing. Why have you only seen each other once in 7 months.Can he not come and visit you? Can you not visit him?

 

If your relationship isnt strong enough for you to be able to take and finish your dream job, then you quitting that job and moving back there isnt going to make it any better. He should be supporting your decision, it sounds like a life changing career move for you. If you are worried that he is cheating, it wont make any difference if you quit and move to him. He'll cheat whether you are there are not.

 

Think of what is the best decision for you.

[baby_blue]

It's very confusing. So does your boyfriend live in the same country as your sister's? I'm not sure about your country, his country, your sister's country and your company's country.

 

I moved to the UK from Poland in 2011. In 2013 I met my bf, now I work in the US.

 

In my part of the world, 3+7=10, 10 months not a year.

Yup! My bad, not 7 but 9 months.

 

You were offered the job 9 months ago... the first 3 months went by, then considering you have a 7-month extension, you should have one month more, but you now say you have another 5 months. So... was it an initial 3-month contract with subsequent 9-month contract? VERY CONFUSING.

 

I got a job offer in June 2016, went two months later - in August (7 months ago)

 

If you're sure about that, why do you want to go back to him? It doesn't make sense.

Maybe because a job and my career is important for me, too?

 

What future employer? Your next employer? You simply say they could only offer a short-term contract. Or is your current employer ready to hire you long-term?

 

I am just guessing about my next employer, because my current one offered me a 1 year contract, but I guess I won't stay unemployed for the rest of my life? Who knows... Or you mean if I WILL be my own boss, then it's a different story.

[Simple Logic]

I think you have already chose your career over you BF - twice.

[baby_blue]

Im not understanding your numbers. You've been with your boyfriend for 4 years, but you moved to another country 6 years ago? So its been a long distance relationship?

 

I moved 6 years ago and met my bf 2 years later. Maybe it's a wrong section, though becuase this is not ldr, I mean - now it's became a ldr.

 

Theres a lot of details missing. Why have you only seen each other once in 7 months. Can he not come and visit you? Can you not visit him?

 

No. I am in NYC, he's in London and working 6 days a week, I work Monday-Friday, sometimes on Saturdays as well. It's very, very difficult to arrange a trip.

 

If your relationship isnt strong enough for you to be able to take and finish your dream job, then you quitting that job and moving back there isnt going to make it any better. He should be supporting your decision, it sounds like a life changing career move for you. If you are worried that he is cheating, it wont make any difference if you quit and move to him. He'll cheat whether you are there are not.

Think of what is the best decision for you.

 

That's the thing That's why I am confused! I know there are people who are in LDR for a long time and they go strong! Is my 4yr relationship really not strong enough?

[baby_blue]

I think you have already chose your career over you BF - twice.

 

What would you do if you were me?

[baby_blue]

Oh and there is actually another aspect about why I don't want to give the job so easily - money. I will lose a lot of it if I get back to the UK. And I wanted to buy a house after my return.

[kidm]

5 months left is not that long in the grand scheme of things. If you've been together that long and your relationship cannot survive a one year temporary separation, there are more issues at play here. How old are you two? Is he putting pressure on you to come home or are you getting the sense that he is wanting to end the relationship?

[justwhoiam]

Maybe because a job and my career is important for me, too?

You didn't understand the question. If you're sure your relationship won't last, then why do you want to go back to him?

 

I am just guessing about my next employer

Are you projecting that your next employer would ask you why you left your current company, or why you left NYC? If it's the former, you can say they could only offer short-term employment, and you took advantage of that. If it's the latter, you can say that despite the exciting experience in the USA, you'd rather base your life in Europe. Very simple. No one in Western Europe would ever blame you for leaving the US. Because Europeans think Western Europe is better.

 

Whatever decision you make, think ahead carefully. I guess you're still a Polish citizen, and I'm not sure what are the laws regarding social security if you decide to work in the US. You might end up with nothing for your retirement if you don't think ahead. You need to consider that when you pick your dream job. Also, if they lay you off in the US, you might not be entitled to any unemployment allowance, so ending up - again - with nothing. Weigh things well to assess how good of a deal it is. Also, NYC is very expensive rent-wise.

 

working 6 days a week, I work Monday-Friday, sometimes on Saturdays as well. It's very, very difficult to arrange a trip

You also have days off and vacation, right? So again, how come were you not able to arrange a trip?

 

I know there are people who are in LDR for a long time and they go strong! Is my 4yr relationship really not strong enough?

I started having feelings for my LDR partner in 2011, but our relationship officially started in 2012. We've had lots of ups and downs, as it's understandable. We got a lot of tension coming from the distance, and with s--t happening in our lives. He got laid off twice in the meantime, and he works in NYC. So I'm pretty knowledgeable by now regarding this stuff. We're still together. I'm not sure we would qualify as couple 'going strong', but certainly our bond is pretty strong. Yet, several times we've been on the verge of breaking up. It's quite a roller-coaster, and not everybody can endure all that, and even if they do, not sure for how long. I must add that we're both in a different place in life compared to you and your boyfriend. We both have kids, while you might want to start a family in the next 5 years. So you need to ask yourself what matters to you and what you want for yourself in the near future.

 

What would you do if you were me?

Compare fiscal treatments (UK vs US vs EU), get info about social security and (tax) conventions with EU/Poland to evaluate what's best for you considering retirement options too.

[Chris516]

I have been with my boyfriend since April 2013, I love him very, very much, I knew from day one that we will be together and it was love at first sight, our relationship was always intense and spontaneous. 6 years ago I moved to another country to live with my sister.

 

9 months ago I received a job offer from another country, it was a 3 month contract, however after this period they offered me a contract extension about another 7 months... so one year in total. Basically, it was a very tough decision to make, but I decided to accept it. This job gave me a lot of opportunities and opened me the door to a succesfull career. It was my biggest dream to work for this company, that's why it was a very hard decision to make, maybe one of the biggest in my life. Well, the biggest one until now for sure.

 

We're on the other sides of the ocean, we've seen each other only once during these 7 months, there's still 5 to go... I'm sure our relationship won't last. I'm facing a big dilemma again, to go back or stay. For loads of people this is obvious - go back. But when my future employer will ask me about the reason of my contract termination, what am I supposed to say? "I missed my boyfriend that's why I quit"? I know no one will make a decision for me but I feel like being torn in half.

Since you have only mentioned "ocean", no locales'. Are you referring to the Atlantic Ocean, Pacific Ocean, or even the English Channel?