LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Long-Distance Relationships

Need insight about asking a break


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

Old 7th January 2017, 9:01 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2
Need insight about asking a break

Hello, my name is Sebastien and live in France.

Today i register here to ask some insight about my current situation with my LDR girlfriend.

My LDR girlfriend is Indonesian, and 23 yo.

-July 2016-
We met on internet, and nearly instantanly feel confortable together.
We started to skype everynight, and talk about anything.
It took us a month before we start dating, there was no vocal demand, things leaded to this naturally.
Discovering each other character, we find that we was very compatible in mindset and way of viewing life.
Everything went fine, we was all lovey-dovey, skyping and texting everydays non stop.
Some months later we started to have sex on skype regulary.
She is the kind of girl who can't have sex without love, she's dead serious with this, her best friends confirmed it to me.
So my trust on her is unbreachable.

-December 2016-
Then the new love relationship time ended, and we started to settle, being very comfortable with eachothers.
We planed our first meeting at the end of January, as im the one with steady income, i booked the plane and prepared my 2 weeks vacations with her.
We booked our hotels, and set up our trip together.
My birthday will take place when i be with her, so she ordered me a present.
This period lead us to our first fights.
As the relation smoothed up, we didn't immediatly get this change, and failed to adapt, we was way too much on each others to the point that it was impacting our life (late night skype leading to lack of sleep, texting all the time even at work etc...), so we talked about it and came to a rule.
Skype every 2 days, if we can't skype cause of life matter or plans, we report it till its good, and go on with the 2 days rule.
This part helped us greatly as we felt that we started to be bored by skyping everydays (lot of silent moments).
Then we agreed to text only on free time.
At this moment relationship became good.

By the end of december, she had her thesis to finish for her college, the deadling was 5 of january.
She is easly stressed up by this kind of things, and even her friends can't talk to her.
I wasn't aware of this at first, she didn't tell me, so when i started to act like usual, she was pissed of madly at me.
I gave her space till she finish, and she apologized at the end, agreeing she sould have told me.

We spent new eve together on skype cause neither of us had plans.
At the start of new eve, she said that she really love our current relationship with these contact rules.

You have to know, that she's the type of girl that don't really like phone call or texting, i take this information from her best childhood friend.
As i can become quite worried quick if i don't have text for long period, i start to text her quite a lot, and its piss her off.

Three days ago, she started back the final part of her journal, and the next week is her final exam.
So i let her space this time immediatly.
I put a picture of cheering for her on Path with a nice message to cheer her up as i know she stress a lot.
She imediatly loved it on Path, and send me an I love you more and more message.
I was happy.
The next day, she call me quickly on skype late at night, to keep me update, she was in her room with a female friend, both working on the journal.
She told me the next day she have to give it to her supervisor for approval.
I told her that if she get her approval, and her exam next week, i give her a special present of her choice as congratulation.
She was hyped and said again i love you.

The day of the approval, she get it, i congrats her, she was happy.
Then she went in town with her family.
I asked her if we could skype, she said ok.
But when she came home, she fall asleep without texting me to warn me.
A bit pissed off, not by she fall asleep, but by the fact she don't text me (i waited for hours) i let her a message, saying we need to have a discussion about this, cause i was worried (her last message was from 14h ago and she was driving, so i was worried something has happened to her).

The next day, she tell me straight that she need a break. (she's entering her final exem week).
I was a bit in panic at first, but after talking with her best friend, i agree to let her have a break till her exam is finished, i will not contact her in any mean until she feel ready to contact me herself.

Her best friend told me she's really love me, and don't understand why.
After discussing, we came to the conclusion it could be that she's stressing a lot with the exam, and did that to put me on the side until she finish it.

Im stressing a bit as my flight take off the 28 of december to indonesia to meet her..

Thanks in advance if someone has insight.
Fedorya is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th January 2017, 12:44 AM   #2
Established Member
 
justwhoiam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 3,571
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fedorya View Post
Hello, my name is Sebastien and live in France.

Today i register here to ask some insight about my current situation with my LDR girlfriend.
Hi Sebastien,

Happy New Year and welcome to the LDR loveshack.org forum.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fedorya View Post
My LDR girlfriend is Indonesian, and 23 yo.
And how old are you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fedorya View Post
Skype every 2 days, if we can't skype cause of life matter or plans, we report it till its good, and go on with the 2 days rule.
Flexibility is the best rule you can have.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fedorya View Post
we started to be bored by skyping everydays (lot of silent moments).
I think you had to reach intimacy after meeting her rather than before the event. Normally, you get silences while being with someone in person (like when holding each other in bed), and it's all fine. Be ready to have more than some awkward moments, being somehow intimate with someone you've never met in person. It will happen or it won't, but it's better if you're mentally ready for it. And you should also be ready to face incompatibility. I see some signs there, partly of which come from her culture and others from her personality.
Also, what is the language of communications for you two? Can she speak French?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fedorya View Post
she started back the final part of her journal
What do you mean by journal? What is it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fedorya View Post
she went in town with her family.
Is she living with her parents while in college? If so, I guess you'll meet her entire family when you go visit her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fedorya View Post
her last message was from 14h ago and she was driving
She was driving? Or was someone else driving the car? I hope so.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fedorya View Post
after talking with her best friend
I have a feeling you're talking to her best friend a bit too much. Hopefully, there's no catfishing behind any of this. Also, did you see her fully naked?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fedorya View Post
my flight take off the 28 of december
You mean January 28?

My take on all that is happening to you is that you rushed into something and might get burnt.
justwhoiam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th January 2017, 8:34 AM   #3
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2
Hello thanks for this answer.

First there is an update.
She called me yesterday some hours after my post, we talked and cleared any misunderstanding there could have been.

For the silence when she was in a car, her mom was driving, and she fall asleep right when back to home.
She forgot to tell me due to extrem fatigue (she didn't sleep the previous night).

She also apologized for the bad form put in the break asking and explained to me that her thesis journal writting and exam that come take most of her time and need to concentrate.

We agreed to poursue the break till end of her exam.

To answer your questions :

Im 30 years olds, she's 23, and from what i know, she always had boyfriends around my age.

Quote:
I think you had to reach intimacy after meeting her rather than before the event. Normally, you get silences while being with someone in person (like when holding each other in bed), and it's all fine. Be ready to have more than some awkward moments, being somehow intimate with someone you've never met in person. It will happen or it won't, but it's better if you're mentally ready for it. And you should also be ready to face incompatibility. I see some signs there, partly of which come from her culture and others from her personality.
Also, what is the language of communications for you two? Can she speak French?
We reached quite a good level of intimacy before any fight or major event appear.
We knew each other pretty well way before, shared bad and good experiences, and even saw us fully naked multiples times.
Yes we have some incompatibilities but what couple doesn't ^^
We both use english as communication language right now, our level seem decent enough to understand both most of the time.
Im currently learning the Bahasa indonesia while she learn French and plan to take a course for basis.

Quote:
What do you mean by journal? What is it?
Sorry i mean her Thesis journal for the college.

Quote:
Is she living with her parents while in college? If so, I guess you'll meet her entire family when you go visit her?
She live with her famiy yes, she unique daughter so just her parents.
So yes i will meet them.

Quote:
I have a feeling you're talking to her best friend a bit too much. Hopefully, there's no catfishing behind any of this. Also, did you see her fully naked?
No no, i just started to talk with her best friend, the day she asked for the break, and mostly seeking for advices.
So there is definitivly nothing between us and don't plan too haha.
My girlfriend know i talked to her, and his quite happy that i try to befriend her.

Quote:
You mean January 28?
Yes sorry for the mistake ^^

Quote:
My take on all that is happening to you is that you rushed into something and might get burnt.
As i said, we talked a bit yesterday about this, and it seem we didn't clearly communicated about some points.
We explained a bit, and we planned to find a balance once she finish her break.
Fedorya is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Deployment break-up. Could use some insight! cpaige Breaks and Breaking Up 1 28th July 2013 12:47 PM
My Break-up any insight HoldingPatterns Breaks and Breaking Up 4 12th September 2010 12:36 AM
Any insight into my break up would be appreciated Tasha1675 Breaks and Breaking Up 5 5th January 2010 4:01 PM
University break-up looking for insight novack Breaks and Breaking Up 1 12th October 2009 1:17 PM
confusion while on a break, need insight! girlie908 Breaks and Breaking Up 2 17th June 2007 9:35 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:35 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.