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Long distance boyfriend has wandering eye?


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 29th December 2016, 10:15 PM   #1
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Long distance boyfriend has wandering eye?

I am signed with IMG models and obviously would not have a problem finding "whoever" I want and I'm clearly attractive (I mean that in the least arrogant way) as people might immediately assume it has something to do with my looks. I met my boyfriend whilst touring and we have been together for around 4 months now. He tells me I am the most beautiful woman in the world and that he loves me very much. I am close with his family, we speak of the future all the time. All the signs of him treating me like a future wife, is there. We also speak of marriage & children. In fact, he probably speaks about this to me at least once a day.

I notice often when we are out, I will see his eyes wander to other women. They arenít always attractive women either, usually just decent. That is not the principal though. It makes me incredibly insecure and genuinely hurts my heart. I have only mentioned it once before and that was very recent. I am hoping he gets the hint that I do not like it. Yet at the same time, I realise we all look.I know it also sounds very insecure of me, controlling and etcetera. He told me that if he could have it his way, he would rather me not model because of what goes on behind closed doors, abuse, sex, flirting with other male models.. the list goes on. I can understand too yet he does realise it is a job for me at the moment. Most of our arguments revolve around females, whether he tells me a white lie about hanging with a female, or for example yesterday, he told me to go through his phone (I have his password and my finger print is used on the Iphone) and he had one of the modelling agencies web opened and I asked why he had it opened. He told me that he was looking at it weeks ago to see if I were still modelling behind his back. I knew he was lying as it was a recent page that was opened and last time he told me to search something on Safari which was a few days ago, this was not opened. He pulled over and admitted that he is just paranoid I am still modelling.

Back to my question, I have noticed quite a few times when his wander. Then that night when we had that slight argument, we went out for dinner with his parents and we sat aside each other, parents in front of us. There was this one waitress that I could tell he kept eyeing. Realistically it does not mean anything, I realise I am for one more attractive (excuse the crudeness) and that he comes home to me at night. It just hurts a lot, a lot.

Hope you can understand and that this is not all over the place..
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Old 30th December 2016, 12:19 AM   #2
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You're joking... right?
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Old 30th December 2016, 1:19 AM   #3
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Hi,

Welcome to LS to begin with. Second, happy holidays.

What I could understand from your post is the following:

1. you are paranoid (the seriousness of which should be established by a professional)

2. you think that beauty goes with attraction (wrong assumption, some people are beautiful or handsome but as soon as you get to know them, they stop being attractive; on the other hand, some people don't look great at all or have lots of imperfections, and they are very attractive)

3. the man you're dating seems to be unsatisfied being with you, that could either mean that you don't do it for him, or that no female could do it for him, aka he can't be satisfied being with one woman alone

4. given point #3, it's up to you to decide if you want to go on with him and even marry him; just consider you'll have to accept his flaws, whatever they are
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Old 30th December 2016, 1:26 AM   #4
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He may not agree that you're more attractive.
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Old 6th January 2017, 9:48 PM   #5
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Kind of Similar Situation

You should read my post I just posted. Very similar situation. I'm a model too

Psychotic Woman Stalker
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Old 9th January 2017, 10:16 AM   #6
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There's a lot more to an ideal partner than just looks. You can be the prettiest person in the world, if you have a **** personality or are just a nagging, whiny, jealous partner, chances are your partner will drop you eventually.

I can see why a lot of models may actually be highly insecure. They know that their partner may only be with them for their looks and not for who they really are. I have seen this happen to a lot of people. But some people care more about status than true love.

That being said, there will always be someone prettier. Just because you are a model doesn't make you the 'perfect partner' for him. Maybe there are other things that he doesn't like about you?

Or perhaps he is just one who likes to flirt. I dated a guy like this once. You either get used to it or look for someone else... Often it is just harmless or because of an insecurity the guy has.

Also: He seems to be jealous too. You both are just way too jealous. I don't think this is a good match. If he is not even supportive of your career aspirations, what do you see in him?

Also: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
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Old 10th January 2017, 8:28 PM   #7
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Independence

First off, the most important aspect to any relationship is trust. If you do not trust him, he might reflect the same towards you. If something makes you feel uneasy, its great to express your present feelings. But keep it civil and if it is a sensitive topic, keep it private. Show your independence, as men choose to be monogamous only with independent women. Picture one man with many dependent women, as apposed to one man with many independent women. The latter would be less realistic.

It is perfectly normal to feel insecure about your boyfriend looking at other women. However, no matter how much your boyfriend loves you, it won't change his biology. It is part of a man's natural psychology to 'look' at other women. Whether it be a sexual manner, or a non-sexual, processed look merely for natural observation, it is simply the man's mental architecture.

All men are not naturally monogamous; they choose to be. Their biology drives them to reproduce diversely and numerously. This is shared among all animals. It is completely natural, and once you understand this behaviour, it will be much easier to pacify uneasy feelings about his supposed 'wandering eye'. To my knowledge, I feel that he is not trying to make you feel insecure about yourself, or try to contrast you to another woman, most of the time he doesn't even realise what he is doing.

When it comes to beauty, your boyfriend is obviously attracted to you, as he would not have chosen you as his partner if he was not. Looks are your foot in the door, however your personality is the core of what makes you desirable. Long term, meaningful relationships require deeper aspects to one's composition. Show him how outgoing you are, express your interests in various hobbies. Maybe you share a passion for movies, writing, or dancing, etc. All that matters is he knows that there is more to you then just your appearance. Keep his interest by knowing what makes him happy and show him that you understand and can relate. He would have a much harder time thinking about cheating on you, if he can relate to you. Imagine how having an inside joke could affect his day. He could be at work and the next minute he is thinking about you. Be the light in his day.

When it comes to your independence, which is vitally important. It is important to not focus on your own self worth. Instead realise that your boyfriend obviously loves you and wants you in his life. Just remember, with or without him you can be happy and strong. Relationships are great, but they should not be the only thing you find happiness from. If you focus on yourself and find joy in everything you do, your partner will look at you in a new light. He will see strength and inspiration, which is very attractive. If he truly loves you, he will want you to be happy.
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Old 11th January 2017, 11:52 AM   #8
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You hold all your value in your looks, until you can change that, you will always be paranoid about how others look and whether your bf is looking there.

Change how you view yourself and the world will change around you.

FYI the modelling industry will eat you alive if you insecure already and hold your value in your appearance.
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