STRANGE Situation .. thoughts?

[arneault]

HI ALL...

 

So I have an odd situation that I am unsure of how I feel about.. I want to know if i'm crazy for being jealous or stressed essentially..

 

So I am from North America and my boyfriend is from Europe. He has been planning on travelling to see me on Christmas day for months now and another married couple (the wife being his best friend) is travelling with him and staying with mutual friends of ours. HOWEVER, they recently had marriage problems and the husband backed out of the trip....and his best girl/friend still wants to come. So now my boyfriend is travelling to North America... with his girl best friend to see me... and she is staying at a cottage by herself as the mutual friends of ours are busier over the holidays than everyone expected. so she would be alone quite often.

 

My first reaction was anger that this was happening. I felt pressured to entertain her (Even though her and I get along really well... I really just wanted this trip to be about spending time with my boyfriend and visiting them in their cottage occasionally). I had plans for New Years Eve, and it was at an event it turned out my boyfriend wasn't too keen on and he suggested I go and he stay with her on New Years and I see them the next day.. (Um...WHAT?) We had a big argument about that. She has been dropping a lot of hints about how she is going to be lonely in the cottage by herself and while I understand that my boyfriend is in a tough place by wanting to be there for his best friend going through a rough time and spend time with me I still can't help but feel jealous that we are giving up a large portion of our time together to entertain her when they are able to see each other everyday if they want to..and I only get a few days and I potentially won't see him again for up to 5 months...

 

I was not jealous of her previously but after this I am beginning to become intimidated by her. They speak in their language around me (when I am not fluent in it and can't overly understand at times) and I felt left out the last time we all hung out in their country, but felt that as a visitor that I should grow accustomed to hearing THEIR native language..but it just seems that it is going to carry over to my english speaking country. I of course had a stalker moment and seen stuff on facebook they've discussed before and years ago there was a LOT of flirting and pet name talk before even though they haven't dated and he hasn't really stated that they have any sort of past.. it's just a weird gut feeling still nonetheless that something was there.

 

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to compromise in this situation and be the bigger person... because I really just want to be selfish and say it's her issue for wanting to still travel here alone despite what happened... And that is an AWFUL gut reaction. I just want to make this work somehow.. I want to keep peace, I want her to like me, but I also want to know if I should be worried about the events that happened thus far or if this is just too much for anyone to handle...because I'm really stressed.

[justwhoiam]

Hi arneault,

 

You had to lay out the rules BEFORE he was leaving with her to see you.

 

You should have stated clearly that:

1. you had plans that were only for the two of you

2. that you wanted to make the best of your time with him and didn't want other people to interfere with that "alone time", especially people he could see every day

3. if his friend made the decision to come anyway, she should have had plans of her own

 

Now, what should you do? I can't answer that for you. But I know that he needs to make decisions, and you need to make him think that anything he's taking away from you is not coming back. That you're just given little time together, and he shouldn't give that up to spend time with someone else that is in his life every day.

 

I think that you have a problem, because he's essentially fine leaving you alone on New Year's Eve to be with his close female friend. He's so concerned about leaving her alone and about her feelings, and not caring one bit about your feelings. How is that OK? It wouldn't be OK with me. And I'd be bothered even by the thought of it. The thought that he's so caring about someone else, and couldn't give a .......... about me. If he did anything like that to me, he'd be setting himself up for trouble or worse. He should at least talk about it together to reach an agreement that makes sense.

 

Anyway, I think I would treat it as a non problem. What is the problem anyway? That she'll be all alone? Well, set her up with some friend of yours. If she declines, then it's her own decision to be alone. The trip was meant for your boyfriend to be with you, it can't turn to standing you up while being near you.

 

Also, take him out of the cottage, for heaven's sake. That was a terrible, awful idea. Keep him out all night. Book a room somewhere to be alone with him. No man would care a ..... about where you're taking him: you're spending the night with him!!! That itself should be exciting! What boyfriend in his right mind would turn that down????

Edited December 23, 2016 by justwhoiam

[Chris516]

OP, Dump him like a hot rock. For him to be speaking to her, in their native language. Is very disrespectful to you. It is bound to happen again.