fiskadoro Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Hi, I met a Spaniard three weeks ago and at first it was to just be a language exchange, but we quickly began spending evenings together taking walks, going out for drinks, and she sat really, really close to me. So close that I felt uncomfortable. She quickly grew on me though, to the point where I caught a slight case of "the feels". Still though, nothing happened... until 6 days ago, when she came to my apartment at 9:30 one evening, tipsy. That night I kissed her goodnight, and the next day we went out and then came back to my place at 1 AM, but she told me there was no way she was spending the night, and just gave me a nice (but quick-ish) kiss when I drove her home. The day after that was her last day in the US. We hung out all day, made out when I gave her a ride to the airport, and when she texted me upon arriving in Spain, I told her I felt I had met someone special and I felt I missed a great opportunity to keep her in my life, and that I had wished she hadn't gotten on the plane. She replied "me too". That was two days ago, and since then we have exchanged some rather mild texts, nothing about "us" or what happened at all. How should I proceed? I think she is currently single and she dropped some hints about wanting to find a boyfriend and it being difficult for her. I have a tendency to either wuss out and not show my feelings for women I like, or be syrupy and/or pushy and blow it that way. I would like to take the time to get to know her better and see if we are a good match long-term. I have no problem going to visit her a time or two to see how things go, and I don't want to get friend zoned, which happens to me at times as I bottle up my feelings and women who have interest in me just give up eventually. Also, I don't want to get ahead of myself but I do know she loves my city and just quit her job in Spain, and we are both middle-aged and ready for something serious. I have never had a long-term relationship before. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Why not invite her to chat on webcam, ie on Skype of FaceTime? It is more personal than messaging alone, and can help forge a better connection. See how things go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Middle-aged and in a language exchange? Are you sure? Maybe you mean you're both in your 30s? Get on a plane and see where she lives and how. Then you see if she might be right for you. Just take into account cultural differences with Spanish people. Like, they're used to have dinner at 10 pm, while for many Americans that's the time to go to bed because their dinner is at 6 pm... Perspectives can be very different. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fiskadoro Posted August 1, 2016 Author Share Posted August 1, 2016 Justwhoiam, We are both early 40's. We met on a site for people who want to practice languages, she came here to improve her English for an anticipated career change after 14 years in as a therapist. I wouldn't have a problem with the late meal hours or cultural differences, I lived in Latin America for about 1.5 years, where we ate dinner really late, and I have lived abroad for roughly 5 of the last 16 years. She is from Madrid, a city I like well-enough, so visiting her is definitely an option! I think that if anything developed we would live here though, Spain is currently in an economic funk that is not going to improve anytime soon. ExpatinItaly, Yes I have so far held back from talking about us having any sort of future together because I don't think text messaging is the appropriate medium for that. I sent her an email last night asking that we pick a time to meet weekly to talk on the phone, and there I can ask her the more probing kind of questions - in the midst of an overall fun and light discussion, of course. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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