marycc Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 We are both 22 and we have been dating for 2 years and a half and have known each other for 4 years. We met online so we have always been long distance, we see each other every two weeks and sometimes we'd see each other every weeked. We already spent full weeks together. Today I was telling him that I'm considering moving to the city he's living in (I have two options and the city he's living in is one of them) and that we have to start to think about the room we're going to stay at, and he was very hesistant, so I asked him if he thought this wasn't a good idea, to which he responded "yes". He said "I don't know how it will be, it makes me nervous and afraid, what if we break up? Also, It's going to be a drastic change, we only see each other a couple of times and now we'd be seeing each other every day (like it's a bad thing)...we could live in the same city, but maybe not in the same house, I think it's something that would happen very suddenly, it's a big change. I have the right to be afraid and anxious, you can't judge me." He always said he couldn't wait to live with me, go to sleep and wake up next to me, all those romantic things, but apparently they had no meaning, turns out they were just empty words. I spent this weekend at his parents house with him (in another city), the weekend before this one he spent it at my house... now I feel like he doesn't seem like a person I can trust. Yes, we could break up, but if it happened, I would find another room, there would be a solution.... I don't understand what he's afraid of, I asked him to be more specific but he just said he "doesn't know", that he's afraid it wouldn't work out. I feel like he doesn't feel secure in this relationship, he probably has doubts.... I don't see myself breaking up with him in the next year, but maybe he sees himself doing it, for some reason. We used to have frequent arguments because I used to be very insecure (because of my last relationship) but it has been getting better and better, and he says he also notices that we have been getting better, so I don't understand. I think I should also mention that I don't know anyone in the city he lives in, he's the only person I know. And it's the first time I'd be going away from home All I know is that I'd be radiant, completely happy, if I were in his position... this all seems so odd. I don't know what to think or what to do.. should I break up with I think I should also mention that I don't know anyone in the city he lives in, he's the only person I know. And it's the first time I'd be going away from home Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 I don't think it's odd at all that he doesn't want to live together, especially considering that you've never dated normally. I wouldn't agree to move in together either. (And really, what's the rush?). If you want to move to his city, move there, get your own place, and date him normally for awhile. (And no, it makes no difference to me that you don't know anyone or that this will be your first time away from home. You will meet people and figure it out.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author marycc Posted June 13, 2016 Author Share Posted June 13, 2016 I don't think it's odd at all that he doesn't want to live together, especially considering that you've never dated normally. I wouldn't agree to move in together either. (And really, what's the rush?). If you want to move to his city, move there, get your own place, and date him normally for awhile. (And no, it makes no difference to me that you don't know anyone or that this will be your first time away from home. You will meet people and figure it out.) He just told me he thinks that we could get tired of each other from seeing each other every day... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 I agree with him. At 22 he is going to want to experience life before he settles down in a live in relationship and I don't blame him. He is going to want to date other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 He's still a young guy and clearly NOT ready to take things to the next level. When someone tells you something you don't want to hear, you'd better believe them. Lastly, you're completely dumping the entire onus of the success of your move onto his head. You have no friends there and he'd be the only one you'd know. That puts HIM in the position of being your sole reason for moving there in the first place. Don't do it unless you plan on living somewhere ELSE in his city. But not with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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