I met a man here I love very much

[Goodbye]

We are of similar ages. We are both divorced. We both have been hurt.

 

What started out as simple PM's turned into something much more. From my perspective, supportive friendship which lead to curiosity, which lead to increasing feelings and finally love. He may have a different story. Perhaps he will share his own version.

 

I am a long time poster so this is all a review. I've been through a tumultuous divorce, with 3 daughters in the mix. It has been hard. that is the understatement of the year. My ex H comes from a very prominent family. I have been bullied, I'm not the most secure...and well...I didn't cope well for a period of time.

 

I gained strength and I continued. My lovely girls are with me. I adore them, they are my flesh and blood. After a time when I'd continued ending it all, I think back with shock and remorse that I could leave such wonderful girls. My life is about them. And now my life also includes a man I met through this very website. I love him. He is my family, although he feels insecure and will tell me things like I should go back to my ex. He will come back and comfort me. Tell me he wants me to be with me, he wants to move here from Michigan.

 

I have a very low sense of self. I was married to a man for 18 years who told me how sub par I was. I can list things: I graduated Phi Beta Kapa from a top school, got a grad degree and worked at a Harvard teaching hospital. I then gave all my personal assets to start my H's business while raising the 3 kids I had in two years.

 

But..At some point around 2004, our married lives became focused around the "country club" life. It was entertaining and drinking. I quickly learned that a good buzz made me feel feel free from the pain and anguish. It helped me stay in what was a sinking ship. It wasn't until I got a DUI that I realized enough was enough. My H couldn't handle the sober me. We fought constantly. I filed for divorce, he begged me to stay even though he was f*cking a soccer mom from my neighborhood. He finally moved out when he met the MUCH younger woman of his dreams.

 

Since then I've given my heart and soul to my girls. I have recently given my heart to a man who doesn't believe my heart is his. I don't know how to contend with this. He wants to move to my state. I want to be CERTAIN we are for each other before he does that. I feel certain. He told me tonight that if it took more than a couple years he'd need to think about it...as in seek out other women. this hurt me to the absolute core. I'm 48...49 next month. I don't want to dabble, but with my litigation in supreme court it could take a long time. If he needs to be with someone then, I should set him free, right? I'm supposed to go see him this weekend as I have every 2 weeks or so, but I don't even know why if he would prefer someone less complicated and more short term.

 

To all of you going to conference this month, I WISH I could be with you. they need to stop making it at the end of the Mom's school year.

 

Peace to all...4C.

Blessings...Nancy

[DreamP]

Some questions. how long have you been in a relationship with this man, beyond just PMing? Are you seeing each other in real life often? Have your kids met him? If he were to move to your city, would he be moving in with you? Does he have job prospects there? Have you met his family?

[chapter44]

We are of similar ages. We are both divorced. We both have been hurt.

 

What started out as simple PM's turned into something much more. From my perspective, supportive friendship which lead to curiosity, which lead to increasing feelings and finally love. He may have a different story. Perhaps he will share his own version.

 

I am a long time poster so this is all a review. I've been through a tumultuous divorce, with 3 daughters in the mix. It has been hard. that is the understatement of the year. My ex H comes from a very prominent family. I have been bullied, I'm not the most secure...and well...I didn't cope well for a period of time.

 

I gained strength and I continued. My lovely girls are with me. I adore them, they are my flesh and blood. After a time when I'd continued ending it all, I think back with shock and remorse that I could leave such wonderful girls. My life is about them. And now my life also includes a man I met through this very website. I love him. He is my family, although he feels insecure and will tell me things like I should go back to my ex. He will come back and comfort me. Tell me he wants me to be with me, he wants to move here from Michigan.

 

I have a very low sense of self. I was married to a man for 18 years who told me how sub par I was. I can list things: I graduated Phi Beta Kapa from a top school, got a grad degree and worked at a Harvard teaching hospital. I then gave all my personal assets to start my H's business while raising the 3 kids I had in two years.

 

But..At some point around 2004, our married lives became focused around the "country club" life. It was entertaining and drinking. I quickly learned that a good buzz made me feel feel free from the pain and anguish. It helped me stay in what was a sinking ship. It wasn't until I got a DUI that I realized enough was enough. My H couldn't handle the sober me. We fought constantly. I filed for divorce, he begged me to stay even though he was f*cking a soccer mom from my neighborhood. He finally moved out when he met the MUCH younger woman of his dreams.

 

Since then I've given my heart and soul to my girls. I have recently given my heart to a man who doesn't believe my heart is his. I don't know how to contend with this. He wants to move to my state. I want to be CERTAIN we are for each other before he does that. I feel certain. He told me tonight that if it took more than a couple years he'd need to think about it...as in seek out other women. this hurt me to the absolute core. I'm 48...49 next month. I don't want to dabble, but with my litigation in supreme court it could take a long time. If he needs to be with someone then, I should set him free, right? I'm supposed to go see him this weekend as I have every 2 weeks or so, but I don't even know why if he would prefer someone less complicated and more short term.

 

To all of you going to conference this month, I WISH I could be with you. they need to stop making it at the end of the Mom's school year.

 

Peace to all...4C.

Blessings...Nancy

 

For anyone who's curious I am proud to say I am the man referred to in this post. Some of you may remember me others may not as I am rarely on much anymore. It is true what started out as supportive private messages over time time turned into genuine love. For those who are curious we see each other on average every 2 weeks and share a deep connection on every level. I am happy to say that over the past 8 months we share a very real love and respect for one another.

 

This is my first go around with a LDR which happened completely by accident although I did actively pursue a romantic relationship once I realized how truly amazing she is ? To clarify I have the ability to work from anywhere and my only desire is to live closer to her so we can have more of a traditional courting process instead of traveling to see one another. I am not now nor have I ever pursued dating outside of this relationship as I am very confident of my feelings and instincts. I am not asking to live together, play daddy to her children, or have anyone take me on as a dependent. I just believe at our ages 50(me) and 48 (her) that living in closer proximity and continuing our relationship in a more traditional manner increases the odds of our success. If I'm wrong or others a different I would appreciate your insights.

 

I don't see our relationship or her as complicated, not worth the effort, or view her as sub par in anyway. Let me be very clear here: she is an amazing, compassionate, loving, caring, intelligent, and beautiful woman. Any lack of self that she feels isn't from me. I was not giving an ultimatum or threat just merely stating my wishes for our future. I am not dabbling or sport dating, I've been divorced for 10 years, dated a fair amount, and had relationships since my divorce and if I didn't believe we have to potential to make it then I wouldn't even consider relocating.

 

I hope everyone is well and thriving in their pursuits. Please feel free to comment or voice your opinions.

[DreamP]

For anyone who's curious I am proud to say I am the man referred to in this post. Some of you may remember me others may not as I am rarely on much anymore. It is true what started out as supportive private messages over time time turned into genuine love. For those who are curious we see each other on average every 2 weeks and share a deep connection on every level. I am happy to say that over the past 8 months we share a very real love and respect for one another.

 

This is my first go around with a LDR which happened completely by accident although I did actively pursue a romantic relationship once I realized how truly amazing she is ? To clarify I have the ability to work from anywhere and my only desire is to live closer to her so we can have more of a traditional courting process instead of traveling to see one another. I am not now nor have I ever pursued dating outside of this relationship as I am very confident of my feelings and instincts. I am not asking to live together, play daddy to her children, or have anyone take me on as a dependent. I just believe at our ages 50(me) and 48 (her) that living in closer proximity and continuing our relationship in a more traditional manner increases the odds of our success. If I'm wrong or others a different I would appreciate your insights.

 

I don't see our relationship or her as complicated, not worth the effort, or view her as sub par in anyway. Let me be very clear here: she is an amazing, compassionate, loving, caring, intelligent, and beautiful woman. Any lack of self that she feels isn't from me. I was not giving an ultimatum or threat just merely stating my wishes for our future. I am not dabbling or sport dating, I've been divorced for 10 years, dated a fair amount, and had relationships since my divorce and if I didn't believe we have to potential to make it then I wouldn't even consider relocating.

 

I hope everyone is well and thriving in their pursuits. Please feel free to comment or voice your opinions.

 

What are you leaving behind to move? A house? Friends? Family? If the answer is no, then I don't think either one of you has anything to worry. Your moving is just another adventure for you. However, if you are uprooting your life to move, then it is a huge pressure on the relationship. I would recommend getting a small apartment and doing a partial move; spending some time at the apartment and some time at your current home. See how it goes before making a permanent move.

[GorillaTheater]

Nice story. I hope you two make a good go of it.

[Cherryz]

I think its only confuse and get messy when both couples start posting in the topic.

So would have been better if you made it less public that he is here and he can reply.

It also takes the attention from your topic.

Beside most people wont read every single reply of the both of you.

 

How old are your kids? If they are adult kids i think you are more free to

choose what to do with your dating life.

I never knew people could meet one here, since almost no one got real pics or much i nformation about themselves here.

 

Either way it doenst sound like you guys know each other very well and that their is

alot of trust.

He feels you not his, for a reason. And its good to find out if he got a point in this.

 

You say you dont have great self esteem. I think changing men is not the solution to

low self esteem,Beside you dont want to keep goinf true the same things your whole life. But put work into having a better self esteem and love yourself.

So no men can ever come and tell you you less. Read books, be good in something, and read self help books. and so on.

And dont relay on people to be happy, but be happy with yourself first. Love yourself first then be with someone that can be happy with you.

 

And see if you really found closure on your divorce emotionally.

Divorce is not something small. So you need time to heal.

Take your time. And if this guy is for you he will not pressure you.

 

You guys can be friends now, and take time to know each-other better.

And when both ready you settle.

Just be honest where you both are emotionally etc. So no one can get mislead.

Dont like the butterfly's take controls. Use your head first!

[Cherryz]

For anyone who's curious I am proud to say I am the man referred to in this post. Some of you may remember me others may not as I am rarely on much anymore. It is true what started out as supportive private messages over time time turned into genuine love. For those who are curious we see each other on average every 2 weeks and share a deep connection on every level. I am happy to say that over the past 8 months we share a very real love and respect for one another.

 

This is my first go around with a LDR which happened completely by accident although I did actively pursue a romantic relationship once I realized how truly amazing she is ? To clarify I have the ability to work from anywhere and my only desire is to live closer to her so we can have more of a traditional courting process instead of traveling to see one another. I am not now nor have I ever pursued dating outside of this relationship as I am very confident of my feelings and instincts. I am not asking to live together, play daddy to her children, or have anyone take me on as a dependent. I just believe at our ages 50(me) and 48 (her) that living in closer proximity and continuing our relationship in a more traditional manner increases the odds of our success. If I'm wrong or others a different I would appreciate your insights.

 

I don't see our relationship or her as complicated, not worth the effort, or view her as sub par in anyway. Let me be very clear here: she is an amazing, compassionate, loving, caring, intelligent, and beautiful woman. Any lack of self that she feels isn't from me. I was not giving an ultimatum or threat just merely stating my wishes for our future. I am not dabbling or sport dating, I've been divorced for 10 years, dated a fair amount, and had relationships since my divorce and if I didn't believe we have to potential to make it then I wouldn't even consider relocating.

 

I hope everyone is well and thriving in their pursuits. Please feel free to comment or voice your opinions.

 

 

OK first question : What is the hurry?

 

How long have you guys know each other? And when do you want to move? In few months?

 

If she have underage kids i can understand why she wont be easy to do things without thinking.

And i think you should respect that 100%!

Because her kids are more important. And bringing a new men around your kids is not something small. Because if he turn out to be bad, it will bring a lot of mess with it.

 

Why dont you take your vacations and spread them in a year and stay at a hotel for few weeks in her city, and use that time to get to know her.

Since its more LDR, it can end up that its not really what you want or what she want.

Or you moving to fast there can put some pressure on her to make it work because "he moved for "me". So i should entertain him or whatever. Or i have to make it work even if im not much into it or so.

It can also be that the LDR thing makes it exiting, but while being with each-other more, shows other things that you both may not like atall.

 

So take time to know each-other. take it slow. And give her time and space if you see she really serious about you but just need some time.

 

But if it ends up not what you both want. Be honest to yourself and each other.and move on

 

Honest and clear to each other.

[Timshel]

First, congratulations to you both. All couples, married and partnered meet somewhere and have a story. If the tale does not begin where others believe it should start....all the more interesting a story to tell.

 

I'm a relative newbie compared to you both but I met my current SO here on LS and he did move to my city to continue our relationship more traditionally.

We are over a year together now and our lives are as boring/exciting as any other serious couple. He has his place and work and I have mine....if it is possible, I think this works best for any couple, starting LD or not.

 

I have thought a few times whether it was prudent to announce our relationship on LS or not...since we met here and are both members.

 

No doubt there is some inhibition...we both know that each other will read any post we make. We have adjusted to that by talking to each other about what is on our mind before we post...if we think it will affect the other. We also are ourselves since we already know what we think about something anyway. Ex: So I just posted my opinion we discussed while we were brushing our teeth this morning....big deal.

 

I would not choose to hide my relationship from LS because my relationship is more important. As lovable as LS is.....my real life relationships are what I deeply value and my SO is part of my real life...regardless of where we met.

 

Best regards to you both...

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I wish you both the best of luck and everything in between,

A match made on LS everlasting? Time will tell it would seem!

[Goodbye]

I originally posted this nearly two weeks ago. At that time I'd just returned from a visit with bf that did have some stressful moments. My emotions at the time, and to a less extent now, were compounded by losses in my family and friendships as well as unexpected financial and legal stress around the tuition for my oldest daughter with my exH. Having a period of feeling lost, when life feels unsettled.

 

In summary, I should not have posted here. It was impulsive and unclear; clouded by the bigger picture of my life which is messy right now. It was not a very mature move on my part. One I regret and not the first regrettable thing I've done in recent weeks that has created pain.

 

I wish to have this thread deleted. In fact, I emailed moderators and asked to have me removed entirely from this community as past laments about ex BF's have created more stress in my current relationship. Sometimes too much knowledge is a bad thing.

 

Thank you for your thoughts on this topic.

[Timshel]

I wish you both the best of luck and everything in between,

A match made on LS everlasting? Time will tell it would seem!

 

Yes! Every love story on LS is something to be second guessed.

Though this is a place of amend...

it is better to have a friend.

 

Time is a test of all relationships,

Though there are those perfectionist.

Either friend or romantically,

Best to seek love pragmatically.