LDR: Boyfriend is hiding things and should I walk away?

[S.C_lara]

In a long distance relationship with my Boyfriend,both in our twenties.

We would see each other a few days or a week out of the month because of his work schedule requires day after day work then 7 days off.

When we are not together we talk online but he says he doesn't like phonecalls much as he finds them awkward. At first I diddnt think much I was a little shy but now as the relationship moves on the phonecalls are still the same. I spoke to him a few times about it, I said we can make it once a week on the weekend so there is no pressure for you because of work and relax time. When I waited for my phonecall he had told me "so sorry, I was on my phone to my mum then my dad, I hate that I disappoint you with this" the past few times he has promised to call he says sorry etc followed by an excuse. It makes me feel down and like I am not a priority. I phoned and told him "Do you not like calling me I feel like I'm being a burden on you." He woke up a bit this time and called a few times after I would say thanks for phoning me and he would say you shouldn't be thanking me it's not a problem for me.

 

He has this female friend who doesn't live in the same country who is a friend of the families and he told me he kissed her once in a conversation we had and it stayed in my minds for a few weeks, I always got the impression she was just a friend but after hearing that I felt like I diddnt trust him. I told him online that it hurt hearing that I always thought you were only friends, then he got mad and said he thought he could trust me putting me down etc after I apologised he was quick to forgive and said I can understand since she is friends with my sister and mom.

Then I said when you said after you kissed you said you realised you were only friends which tells me before the kiss you liked her in some way. He said sorry and not really, I don't know if she liked me etc she's not attractive etc Then said I tried to kiss her again when we were casually talking.

I feel like he is hiding something about their relationship. Me and him were on a break because I felt rushed in the relationship and she was in the country when we were on a break. When I first said about it hurting when he told me he kissed her he said do you think I am just going to go with her if we break up? Which with an ex gf he did do when they were on a break, which just made me more paranoid. I believe he told me this in confidence that I would understand but now I think he tried to kiss her when we were on a break. I understand he doesn't have to tell me what he done when on a break but the fact she is still in his life I feel threatened and insecure. He said I hope you are not comparing yourself to her?

He never deals with bad news well I am only wanting to talk about the problems and he gets angry right away sometimes then calms down and apologies. I feel like he guilt trips me. When he knows I'm upset about something then he is more talkative and it feels fake and I don't recognise him.

I wanted to talk to him yesterday but he said he was busy then the wifi was down etc but he knows I am thinking about breaking up and I just feel if he diddnt snap or avoid things I could feel closer to him and have a better relationship but the constant feeling he is hiding something and making excuse after excuse I don't know if it's worth pursuing anymore. When in person we are great but I move back home for a while and I would rather clear things up now than drag this on. In the past when he thought I was going to break up he said he wouldn't hate me for it etc which makes me feel like he doesn't care but then after when he thought I was he was avoiding me like he did care.

 

He is phoning me tonight and I don't know what stuff to bring up and if I should wait till he gets back to talk to him face to face and if it goes bad break up.

 

Known each other 1 year been together 3-4 months. I have met his family stayed at his house nearly every time and felt really close to him and was growing to like him more. But now I feel I can't move forward because of everything

Edited June 5, 2016 by S.C_lara

[bummer]

Sounds like you both are on slightly differnet pages and footings. I gather he is maintaining distance or isn't too interested for whatever reason. This is building resentment. Half truths, white lies, mistrust, then resentment will freeze your heart eventually to where the relationship isn't salvageable. I just lost my gf due to resentment.

 

Be clear to him, you're not feeling the interest from him. Tell him you want more clarity on this other girl. If he really can't handle bad news or serious talk he's too immature to date and certainly not worth pining over long distance.

 

Do your twenties a favor and find a nice boy nearby. Your heart and mind will be better served than to be fighting your fears and doubts until this fades away.

[justwhoiam]

I have a hard time understanding what's going on.

 

You said he works day after day non-stop, then he gets 7 days off. Then you say you want to call him during the weekend, when he's more relaxed being off work. So which is which? Doesn't he work the weekend too? Or he only works monday to friday? So what would be the reason to have 7 days off at once then?

 

Also, he introduced you to his family, let you stay in his family house with him. That was a clear statement. If he was being ambivalent about you, he wouldn't have done that. Unless he introduced you as a friend, rather than as his girlfriend.

 

Try to chill up. Life is too short.

 

Anyway, if you want to spare yourself any LDR drama, just break up with him.