Past LDR history with my gf

[sneaksysneaksy]

Hello everyone, sorry for the long story, but I need some advice on my current relationship and as to what to do. Here it is:

 

I've been with my gf for 6 years now (on and off). I started dating her back in high school in 2009. We dated for about 8 months in the same city and graduated in 2010. She stayed back home as I moved to college for the next four years to another city. She was my first gf ever and I was his first bf as well. I was determined to make this work and I believe I did everything humanly possible to make it work which it did. Until now, when she moved up to my city, and I thought this was the best thing to ever happen because we were now able to redeem ourselves from that distance those 4 years, until I started finding things that had happened during that LDR (which I'll write later on) I have been trying to supress it and forgive because I dont want to waste time with her and want to take advantage of her finally being up here, but as time passes by it becomes more and more difficult to not let my brain kill me over it.

 

When I moved up to my new city I was determined to make it work, I said I was not going to put myself in positions where she could het jealous of other people, I would call, skype, and I went back for 3 or 4 days every two months.

I was never the jealous type and obviously she started meeting new friends in college. I started becoming aware of this "specific" guy who she had befriended and I could sense he would be trouble (4 years later, after thinking I was going crazy for being jealous I found out I was right all along). I would tell her stuff about him and she would tell me how he was just a friend (he was for a time) and how I shouldnt worry about him. HE still continued to drive me nuts and we fought endlesly about this until the point where we ended up breaking up for sometime. We got together again because I wanted to be with her, but he was still present there in her life and I of course continued to tell her stuff about him. In the meantime she tried to get me to befriend him which so innocent of me I did try to do it. Long story short, in one of those "breaks" that she asked me because she was tired of hearing me whine about him he finally told her how she felt about her and kissed her (just like I knew since the beginning that he was always there because he liked her – I would'nt find out about this until years later)

 

When we got back together she admitted finally that I was right all along and that the guy had always wanted to be with her as I had told her all along, and even then she still wouldnt accept that I was jsutified a little bit for being jealous when she didnt understand. she became close with him during all this time at th epoint where she told him everything about me, even when she knew I despised the guy.

 

When she moved to the same city as I am, we had a great time until one time I saw she was texting with the guy which I thought that "friendship" had ended. It drove me nuts but after she explained, I decided to still stay with her.

 

I then found out through other friends that they had kissed on one of those "breaks" that we had hence i didnt break up with her because it wasnt cheating, but it drove me crazy feeling that we had broken up because I was jealous of that guy, and on that break she WENT with that guy and became closer to him, as if not realizing why we had broken up in the first place.

 

I know it wasnt cheating but I feel betrayed somehow, and even when I found her texting to him (before i knew about the kiss) she got mad at me for being jealous again telling me how she didnt care about him anymore etc. and instead of understanding and kowing that I had grounds to be mad (in her head she knew about the kiss) she decided to still hide it, until i found out through other people what had really happened, otherwise she wouldve continued to make me look like I was crazy being jealous. She used to do other stuff with him that she wouldnt with me (i guess because of the distance, but even when we were in the same city)

 

I guess what I'm asking for is advice on whether I should break up with her or not, since this is driving me crazy and we've been fighting a lot about this, but I love her and I know we can be great together, but I feel like I should respect myself and think of her as someone that wouldve continued to lie to me and see me go crazy even if she knew I was right.

 

I have to mention also that I came to a breaking point once too and mightve been rude so we broke up for about 5 months. In this span she had another bf but they broke up and we got together back again, one month before she came to live to the same city as me. She is going back home in a month indefinetly and I dont want to go through what I went through for four years LDR, even if I love her so much.

 

Also, now that she has been for two years in the same city as me, she says that she has had a lot of fun and does love the city, but endeleslly whines about wanting to be back home with her male friends and going out to other parties, etc. Which makes me feel worthless as I have tried to to everything in my power to make her feel at home, which she claims she has even if her actoins dont mean it.

 

What should I do?

Edited May 18, 2016 by sneaksysneaksy

[Grumpybutfun]

If you are even entertaining the thought of breaking up with her, you have your answer. I have been married for twenty two years and I have never felt like breaking up with my wife because she makes it easy to love her, trust her and respect her.

Your gf is young, so are you, and you both got together when you were in high school. That means neither of you has experienced a life outside of each other so how do you know for sure who you are as individuals and what you want from relationships.

Divorce is so prevalent IMO because people never figure out who they are or what they want in life because they are too busy trying to find someone else to fulfill them. You spent your formative years tied in a relationship where you experienced distance and jealousy.

Now, you could spend your life on your personal goals, your self improvement and finding out that someone who loves you and respects you won't have people in their lives who make you feel threatened and jealous. One day you will regret spending your youth tied to such negative experiences and will wish you had not settled for the first girl who came along.

Move on, time to have a youth,

Grumps

[d0nnivain]

Just because you have known her & dated her off & on since high school does not obligate you to continue dating her.

 

She lied to you. She led you on. The audacity of her to try to get you to be friends with this guy; that really takes the cake.

 

She has not been loyal. Perhaps it was because she was young & immature & she felt like you left her behind when you went off to college but honestly do you really trust her now? Since you were willing to take her back & you recommitted to making this work, her failure to sever ties with this other guy tells you where her priorities lie & they aren't with you. You aren't going to get past this because it's not in the past. She keeps doing it.

[KeepSmiling24]

Just move on mate there is nothing to wait she have mood swings no need to wait for her the best is to move on delete every thing and start a new life. I am sure things will be perfectly fine.

[azaleigha]

I'm sorry you've gone through such a roller coaster with her. I can tell how you care about her, but do you think that you'd ever be able to move past some of the things you mentioned? It sounds like you might have some trouble trusting her - do you think you'd be able to move past that if the two of you were to continue your relationship? Have you been able to talk with your girlfriend about where you might both be headed? If she's wanting to be elsewhere in the future, and you don't want to, it might be worth considering if your goals and values for the future still align. I know you've spent a lot of time on this relationship, but that doesn't mean you have to keep going with it even if things are pointing to the fact that it might be better for you both to go your separate ways. Is there someone who knows the two of you well who might be able to give you some advice about all of this? I hope that you're able to come to a good decision and a place of peace, whatever that decision is. Hang in there, friend.

[sneaksysneaksy]

Thank you guys!