LDR Im curious?

[NewLeaf512]

In my adult life I have worked all over the world and know a great many people in far flung places. I'm not dating at the moment, but the thought came to me that if I ever did, the people I already know are scattered about and it might be an LDR. I've always been vehemently anti-LDR so I decided to give this forum a read for more info.

 

 

is anyone happy in one of these? do they ever work? This forum isn't giving much hope.

 

 

Thanks. NL

[ExpatInItaly]

Honestly, I very rarely see them work out well. I personally won't do LDR, but I have a couple friends who've tried. Unless there is already a foundation of a relationship before going long-distance, and each party is truly committed and the couple has a plan to close the distance, they don't seem to be very successful. Someone always seems to get burnt because the other person loses interest, can't keep up communication, has no money for visits, etc.

 

Just my two cents.

[Els]

There are several ex-LDR forumers who have had their relationships work out, but most of them don't post much anymore. Mine worked but I don't post on this forum about it anymore either (we closed the distance several years ago ). The long distance part was crazy hard, though.

 

If you feel it isn't right for you, it probably isn't. Different strokes for different folks.

Edited January 6, 2016 by Elswyth

[justwhoiam]

is anyone happy in one of these? do they ever work? This forum isn't giving much hope.

Currently, I might be the one with the longest LDR on here. That doesn't mean all the others broke up, just some did and others ended the LD to live together. So I'm not sure if this can give anyone hope, but it's been 4.5 years so far for us. We'll have our 4th anniversary this year.

[Trufita]

I've just had my 3rd year anniversary with my LDR boyfriend, and even though the time we are apart can be sometimes very hard, we're very happy so far . I think he is the one and if I hadn't been open to a LDR I would have never met him.

 

Some work, some don't, just like relationships with people who live close!

[Trufita]

 

This forum isn't giving much hope.

 

 

Thanks. NL

 

Take in account that people open threads mainly to seek help for problems they are having, not to say how happy they are with their partner!

[Giggle]

I met my ex on a game when I was 17. We met a year later and I moved in with him less than a year after that... We married just under a year later. As an active duty military couple, the being able to handle repeated long distance was an asset.

[moys]

Honestly, they only work if you're at the stage in your life where you are able to move and commute to see someone (this requires money and a huge investment of time). Both parties have to be on the same page about the future (e.g. knowing getting involved will lead to marriage and having kids or whatever). You also have to be willing to communicate without hesitation and with clarity and understanding. You have to carve out a lot of time to communicate with your mate. Also you have to meet as soon as possible or at least plan to see each other regularly.

 

I was in an awful long distance relationship before, we were both young (both 24 years old then, I'm now 31 and my new fiancé is 36) and it just wasn't a good situation to try this type of relationship.

 

I recently got engaged around New Years to my long distance boyfriend of 7 months, we are getting married in the summer because we both know this is too good to let falter. We are committed to a future of being with each other and both willing to immigrate and make important life decisions if it means being together. We have always been on the same page about marriage, kids, political commitments and worldview and building a better future together. We live in different countries, but a 7 hour drive and a 1.5 hour plane ride away from each other, which is not bad and definitely workable. I'm the happiest I've ever been, I get to marry the love of my life. A successful long distance relationship is possible but it takes a lot of work and struggle, however it should feel natural and can't be forced if it's not meant to be.

Edited January 20, 2016 by moys

[emi]

Currently, I might be the one with the longest LDR on here. That doesn't mean all the others broke up, just some did and others ended the LD to live together. So I'm not sure if this can give anyone hope, but it's been 4.5 years so far for us. We'll have our 4th anniversary this year.

 

Jesus why its so long?

[justwhoiam]

Jesus why its so long?

This would be out of topic, but neither of us can move permanently right now.

[Els]

Currently, I might be the one with the longest LDR on here. That doesn't mean all the others broke up, just some did and others ended the LD to live together. So I'm not sure if this can give anyone hope, but it's been 4.5 years so far for us. We'll have our 4th anniversary this year.

 

One of the old LDR forum posters, IslandGirl, was in a LDR for ~8 years I believe. I heard it didn't work out for them eventually , but it's still amazing how they held on for so long. I don't know if LittleTiger and HeavenOrHell are still around, but I think their LDRs are similar in duration to yours. Many of us did end up successfully closing the distance - Pyro and CE, cerridwen, Million to 1, Jasmine, myself, and a few others whose usernames I can't remember off the top of my head, but I think none of us were long distance for as long as you, IG, LT, and HoH were. But one of my RL friends did reunite with her partner after 7 years apart, which was beautiful.

 

Salutes to all of you. I can't imagine the strength and devotion it would have taken to maintain a LDR for so long. I hope you all manage to close the distance as soon as you possibly can, and I wish you all the best.

Edited January 22, 2016 by Elswyth

[justwhoiam]

One of the old LDR forum posters, IslandGirl, was in a LDR for ~8 years I believe. I heard it didn't work out for them eventually , but it's still amazing how they held on for so long. I don't know if LittleTiger and HeavenOrHell are still around, but I think their LDRs are similar in duration to yours. Many of us did end up successfully closing the distance - Pyro and CE, cerridwen, Million to 1, Jasmine, myself, and a few others whose usernames I can't remember off the top of my head, but I think none of us were long distance for as long as you, IG, LT, and HoH were. But one of my RL friends did reunite with her partner after 7 years apart, which was beautiful.

 

Salutes to all of you. I can't imagine the strength and devotion it would have taken to maintain a LDR for so long. I hope you all manage to close the distance as soon as you possibly can, and I wish you all the best.

So currently, mine might be the longest one? I'm just curious. I'm sorry to hear about the other poster who went on for 8 years and then broke up.

[Els]

So currently, mine might be the longest one? I'm just curious. I'm sorry to hear about the other poster who went on for 8 years and then broke up.

 

Well, I'm not familiar with most of the current LDR regulars - I'm an old-timer. But it would seem so to me.

[remote]

So currently, mine might be the longest one? I'm just curious. I'm sorry to hear about the other poster who went on for 8 years and then broke up.

 

Not too regular here, but we're in our 5th year too...

[justwhoiam]

Not too regular here, but we're in our 5th year too...

You surely know what patience is.

[Lois_Griffin]

is anyone happy in one of these? do they ever work? This forum isn't giving much hope. Thanks. NL

That's because most LDRs are hopeless wastes of people's precious time and lives.

 

 

Your choices on any given weekend are to date someone face to face and actually enjoy your time spent with them, or sit in your room all night talking on Skype, wishing your life away until the next time one of you can fly to see the other.

 

 

Such a waste.

[Silver_star]

I tried LDR (seriously) with someone with a 8 hour time difference. I fell helplessly in love and got my paperwork in order to move in order to be with him all the time, but it was too late because by the next time I saw him in person he had already met someone local he developed feelings for.

 

 

I think LDR's are just ticking time bombs. Unless both people are 100% all-in to commit and close the gap between the two of you, it wont work.

And even if you think they are 100% in, there are always closer options that may make them re-think things if you don't close the gap before that happens.

 

 

Unless you were already in a relationship before the distance happened (I cant speak to that scenario).

[TeddyBeer]

blabla

 

I've always been vehemently anti-LDR so I decided to give this forum a read for more info.

I have always been very much anti-LDR too. From the outside it just seems too hard, too much trouble to keep it going etc. I completely understand.

 

is anyone happy in one of these? do they ever work? This forum isn't giving much hope.

I have been in an LDR for three years and yes I am very happy. I never wanted to fall in love with a man that lives so far away from me, but it just happened and he is just perfect for me. My perfect match. My man. He makes me laugh every single day. Not smile, laugh.

And yes being in an LDR is no fun, it is a sacrifice. But I know it is worth it. Whenever we are together, I know it was worth all the suffering. And I won't lie it is a lot of lonely nights, of having no one there when you really need your SO's shoulder to cry on, or even to have him to talk to (time difference).

 

But we both know this is a temporary thing; within 5 years we will be living in the same place. And we see each other every year for at least three months (straight).. see each other on Skype every night, talk on Whatsapp all throughout the day.. it's not perfect but we make the most of it.

 

We also send each other presents. Like the other day he sent me a bigass rainbow llama. Honestly the best present I have ever gotten and every time I look at it it just makes me smile. It was such a perfect gift for me, it just shows how he knows me through and through. And it's those gestures that keep the spark alive for me. Or even just him doing a silly dance on Skype.. He is just amazing and I wouldn't trade what I have with him for anything easy and close to me.

[LydiaLong]

When I met my husband, he lived across the country. Fortunately, we were both older and able to make it work out. And he sold his house and moved to Florida where I am, and we got married and bought a house. I don't think it usually happens that way.

[TeddyBeer]

I tried LDR (seriously) with someone with a 8 hour time difference. I fell helplessly in love and got my paperwork in order to move in order to be with him all the time, but it was too late because by the next time I saw him in person he had already met someone local he developed feelings for.

 

 

I think LDR's are just ticking time bombs. Unless both people are 100% all-in to commit and close the gap between the two of you, it wont work.

And even if you think they are 100% in, there are always closer options that may make them re-think things if you don't close the gap before that happens.

 

 

Unless you were already in a relationship before the distance happened (I cant speak to that scenario).

 

Well you just made a teenager-in-love mistake there.. crushing hard and crashing hard.. I'm sorry but you can't speak for LDR's. Who would even want to move for some guy they had only met online . I'm sorry but that is insane.

[hippychick3]

I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 1/2 years now and going strong (180 miles apart). We spend every other weekend together minimum, sometimes 3 and 4 day weekends and during winter, spring, and summer breaks we spend much more time together (I work in education so am on a school year schedule).

 

I never wanted to be in an LDR, but we fell for each other before he moved away for work and neither of us wanted to let go after the move. The relationship has grown deeper and eventually, when my youngest graduates high school, we will be in the same city again and marry.

 

We both are fairly independent, secure people with very busy careers. Our lives are pretty intertwined at this point, and we communicate daily between visits. It really is working for us.

[TeddyBeer]

I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 1/2 years now and going strong (180 miles apart). We spend every other weekend together minimum, sometimes 3 and 4 day weekends and during winter, spring, and summer breaks we spend much more time together (I work in education so am on a school year schedule).

 

I never wanted to be in an LDR, but we fell for each other before he moved away for work and neither of us wanted to let go after the move. The relationship has grown deeper and eventually, when my youngest graduates high school, we will be in the same city again and marry.

 

We both are fairly independent, secure people with very busy careers. Our lives are pretty intertwined at this point, and we communicate daily between visits. It really is working for us.

 

Jealous.. you're so close together.. we are 8016km apart. Lot more difficult to visit each other

[TeddyBeer]

\The relationship has grown deeper

 

I think that LDR enables a relationship to grow deeper, and grow deeper faster, maybe just because of the impossibility of physical intimacy. I feel like you get to know each other on a different, deeper level and your communications (which in many of my other relationships was quite poorly, not for the lack of trying..) becomes very smoothly and fluently, because it is all you have..

[med1994]

I have been in an LDR for almost 2 years and I have to say, I'm happy. Of course, we've had troubles, like anyone does, but we always do our best to get through them together, and we love each other. We live 2.5 hours of flight apart, and see each other as often as possible, which would be every 1.5/2 months, or even less when we can. In Summer and at Christmas we are together for at least 16-20 days. He lives in London and I live in Naples so it's fairly easy to visit. I am planning to go there in two years once I finish my medical degree, we are both graduating at the same time. I had already been planning to work in the UK way before I met him, so I'm not even doing it just for him.

I never thought I'd get in an LDR, but it just happened. He had been my best friend for over a year, we had met as friends as well, and we just fell in love.

[med1994]

That's because most LDRs are hopeless wastes of people's precious time and lives.

 

 

Your choices on any given weekend are to date someone face to face and actually enjoy your time spent with them, or sit in your room all night talking on Skype, wishing your life away until the next time one of you can fly to see the other.

 

 

Such a waste.

 

I'm sorry but if you think this, you are just wrong or have clearly not had a healthy relationship.

If you saw your boyfriend three times a week, would you stay locked in your room until you see him? A person in an LDR lives their life outside of the relationship, like in any other healthy relationship.

Plus you can go out with your friends on a weekend, and set your Skype date on another day. There is simply so much to do, when you are willing to do it.

I'm not wishing my life away waiting, and neither is my partner. And the same goes for many other posters on here, I'd bet.

I'm sorry you have such a skewed point of view.