JohnGoober Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Out of the blue, I randomly asked my gf if she would accept me and take me back if I cheated and slept with another girl. My boss is quite good looking and I told her about it. My boss is married. I didn't mean to test her in any way and I just wanted to know how she would react to it. To my surprise, she said " I would accept you back depending on how it happened, its not a big deal.. I have a soft spot for you". I have no intentions of sleeping with any other girl. I was completely shocked and disappointed. Why would she accept someone who slept with another girl? Does that mean she would do the same? She does live with a male roommate, not in the same room but same apartment and she tells me he's married. Now I have so many doubts about her. I can't trust her. I don't know if its my insecurity or am I thinking too much. My whole view about her completely changed in a day and I don't feel like I should take her seriously anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 I completely agree with you... ...for the exact opposite reasons you want to hear... ...you should dump her... ...she's too good for you... ...and you are going to sabotage this relationship (and probably others) somehow, so might as well do it sooner than later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 I was completely shocked and disappointed. Why would she accept someone who slept with another girl? Does that mean she would do the same?... Now I have so many doubts about her. I can't trust her... My whole view about her completely changed in a day and I don't feel like I should take her seriously anymore. You just need to talk to her and lay out YOUR expectations of a relationship. Just because she might be casual about what you do (in theory; she might change her tune if it actually happened), that doesn't mean she would be casual about what she does, if you express your expectations. I'm a little like that too - I might forgive someone for cheating, but I'm not a cheater. She hasn't even done anything (as far as you know or suspect), and you are saying you can't trust her! Communicate with her (and not in an accusatory way as above). Link to post Share on other sites
Author JohnGoober Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 I completely agree with you... ...for the exact opposite reasons you want to hear... ...you should dump her... ...she's too good for you... ...and you are going to sabotage this relationship (and probably others) somehow, so might as well do it sooner than later. Me: Why would you forgive someone who slept with another girl? Her: It depends and also depends on who he slept with Me: Depends on what? Her: Say if you slept with your boss, maybe.. I have soft spots for you, Idk. Link to post Share on other sites
emi Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I once asked my boyfriend the same. He couldnt answer, he said maybe. I never plan to cheat on him, i come from a family that my dad cheated on my mom. I hate cheating/cheater in general. Then i said if he cheats, i may forgive him. Because i cant bare the fact i dont have him anymore. Then he said we shouldnt talk about it, it look likes we advocate cheating. Well, i dont see why you need to jump to conclusion in such a negative way lol. You started it and she answered in a way thats good for you. Or you would prefer " imma dump ur ****ing ass for cheating on me, and block ur sorry ass so you never see me again"? Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Well, i dont see why you need to jump to conclusion in such a negative way lol. You started it and she answered in a way thats good for you. Or you would prefer " imma dump ur ****ing ass for cheating on me, and block ur sorry ass so you never see me again"? This is pretty much what I told my boyfriend (in so many words), and I meant it. No amount of love in the world would keep me with a cheating man. Loyalty and trust are the most important part of our relationship and if that is gone, there is not enough of a foundation to keep the relationship together. It can't be rebuilt (in my opinion). I would also have reservations to that kind of answer, OP. However, I would sit down and talk with her first to get a clear perspective of where she stands and where you stand and go from there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 OP. This is a great opportunity to have a meaningful conversation with her. Look at this as an invitation to deepen your understanding of her perspective. See if she turns around and asks you the same question to give your perspective. This is the building blocks of a relationship. People today too many times take a single response and leave it there to stew over. Dig deeper, learn if you and your GF are truly compatible and can establish the trust that you say is no longer there. Again, if you can sleep with her, shouldn't you be able to talk with her? Link to post Share on other sites
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