Engaged couple, one in Singapore, another Hong Kong

[noonynicky]

Hi LoveShack

 

I'm about to make a key decision in my life and hope to get some opinions. Basically, me and my fiance are both career driven, work in finance and have good degrees. Our ages are 30. We're both now in Singapore. Now, I have a job offer in Hong Kong - more money, better company, right track to my desires. Fiance's career good in Singapore.

 

In all likelihood, I will take the offer. My fiance herself even tells me to take it, encouraging and without spite. She knows I've been working hard at this.

 

My question is the feasibility of maintaining the relationship till marriage, which is our ultimate goal. Some details are:

 

1. I intend to fly back to Singapore every week. Leave HK Fri 10pm leave SG Sun 10pm. Cost is not an issue. We'll Skype every night.

2. We know each other best and infidelity is not a concern. It'll be 12 hour work days and sleep.

3. We aren't the physically dependent sort. Sure, intimacy is great but we're not dependent on it. Fiance might be emotionally dependent, but to a small degree.

4. Timeline wise - target is 3 years in HK to build my reputation. We're getting married in a years time. So target is 2 years as a married couple in two different cities, together over the weekend.

 

Has anyone done this? Remember that being the career driven woman she is, my fiance also wants me to take the offer for me. I'll be more established and the boost in finance can aid our relationship. This 3 years apart seems like a blip compared to our entire lives.

 

Sincerely Yours,

Nick

[TMichaels]

Why is the possibility of your fiancé getting a job in Hong Kong not part of "recipe" you've proposed?

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

[madjac74]

You guys sound so romantic. How are you going to handle an entire work week apart???

[noonynicky]

Why is the possibility of your fiancé getting a job in Hong Kong not part of "recipe" you've proposed?

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

It's definitely my preference that my fiancé gets a job in Hong Kong. However, her affinity career wise is Singapore, mine Hong Kong. If you really wanna get specific, she has banking clients in Singapore so it'll be a blow to her to move and lose her clients.

 

Can she do it? Sure. Would she prefer not? Not exactly.

 

I emphasize again that we both know the nuances of each other's industry well. So we both see that the benefits from this move out weight the cost, which now is the 4 hour flight between cities.

[TMichaels]

It's definitely my preference that my fiancé gets a job in Hong Kong. However, her affinity career wise is Singapore, mine Hong Kong. If you really wanna get specific, she has banking clients in Singapore so it'll be a blow to her to move and lose her clients.

 

Can she do it? Sure. Would she prefer not? Not exactly.

 

I emphasize again that we both know the nuances of each other's industry well. So we both see that the benefits from this move out weight the cost, which now is the 4 hour flight between cities.

 

Fine, but if your "career affinity" is in Hong Kong, why would you want to leave there once *you've* established yourself and built a reputation?

 

Which ever way you want to look at this, at some point one of you is going to have to make a sacrifice career-wise unless you're living in the same location/together.

 

And, what about kids? Do you want them? What happens when you have them? How will that development affect both of your career plans?

 

Best,

TMichaels

[noonynicky]

Hi TMichael,

 

Yup, correct. Going to Hong Kong gives me the career booster I need to make that closer leap to my professional goal. I know it might be too early to call, but the plan is to use these 3 years in Hong Kong to upgrade and then set my life back in Singapore.

 

Again, could the possibility of going to New York or London exist? Sure. But knowing myself and what I know now, I'm content going Hong Kong 3 years then back.

 

That's why the question is how doable would these 3 years be.

[emi]

3 years is a long time. Who know what gonna happen?

But when i read your post i feel like you are confident. Plan this plan that but ehm, its still a risk isnt it?

I think your mind is made and you need encouragement then?

I think you should take your job offer and fly back every week then. And deal with everything comes later

[noonynicky]

3 years is a long time. Who know what gonna happen?

But when i read your post i feel like you are confident. Plan this plan that but ehm, its still a risk isnt it?

I think your mind is made and you need encouragement then?

I think you should take your job offer and fly back every week then. And deal with everything comes later

 

Yup, my mind is made up. As is my fiance's, whose also wants me to take it. Right now, the attitude is to take the jump and see what happens next. And yes, the plan is to fly back every week.

 

Less so encouragements but more of opinions from experience.

 

Have you done it? Fly between cities 4 hours apart every weekend?

Did you eventually get tired? I know I will get tired. But for the love of my finace and us, it's a small cost to pay for what I want.

At least going into this, me and her both see eye to eye, which I'm appreciative of.

[emi]

Honestly, 1 time a week seems not feasible for me. After a week working u will get tired, not to mention when work gets in the way at weekend.

In a long run 1 time a week is much

[clia]

There are tons of people who travel every week for business -- consultants, people in sales, etc. As long as you can afford to maintain two homes and to fly back and forth each week, I don't see any issue with the scenario you describe.