My first post/story...

[333milesapart]

This is my first post... I guess like everyone else I am not sure what to do. My friends and family never understood the whole LDR thing so I don't feel like they understand. Multiple people (close friends/family) have even told me that I wasn't in a REAL relationship - basically because it's long distance.

 

Anyway - we met on an online dating site. I signed up for it because I was curious what was out there because I didn't feel like I was ready to really date. Just wanted to know more about who/what was out there. This seemed to me like a easy way to do just that. A safe way. A way to protect myself and not get "too close" to someone. Well within a few days I had 2 people who were talking to me - one turned out to be crazy. The other was a really nice; sweet guy. I told my friend about what I had done - she was super excited for me (and surprised because this isn't really something I would do). I remember when I was telling her about both of them - I told her that I could see me and this one person being really amazing friends - because we already "clicked". But I felt like he was a "safe" guy...

 

So I stopped talking to the crazy guy, after a few days... and then took a little break from it. I logged back in and the "safe" guy had sent me a message. I was really ready to be done with all of it; and basically told him what had happened, etc. He was so understanding and caring and just sweet. So I kept talking to him. Getting to know more about him. This went on for a few weeks; then we moved to snapchat (still was iffy about the whole "I don't really know you thing" and giving him my number. Snapchat went on for a couple of weeks as well - you can message through there as well as send photos. We just really clicked. One night I did give him my number and we really only texted for a few more weeks. After a movie with a friend she said that I should facetime him - it was a good movie; I was in a good mood; I really liked him and knew he liked me too. So I did - we only talked for a couple of minutes (it was a little awkward because my friend was there and it was the first time?) but it left me wanting more.

 

So we start talking on the phone/facetiming for hours every night. Texting throughout the day. I had a lot going on in my life and I never open up to anyone (I have been seeing a psychologist since I found out my now exhusband of 10 years cheated on me 2 years ago) There are a lot of things my psychologist doesn't know about. But with him - everything was always so natural and easy. Never felt forced or awkward. We both say we are very awkward people... but never with each other.

 

So anyway -- finally we decided that we are going to meet in person. I opted to go to him. Booked a hotel room; etc for another few weeks (we had work things/etc. that prevented it from being any sooner). My family still has no clue about any of this at this point.. well I actually told my sister about him. But not really that I was going to visit him. My best friend knew all about everything. Then my family found out - it was a big crazy mess. Basically they were worried and I never blamed them. I normally am the cautious one; the one that doesn't take risk; the one who makes sure I know every possible scenario that could happen and have a plan for all of them. I overthink everything. So my BIL basically wanted to know everything about him - basically everything but a DNA sample (I am talking tag number; work/home address; phone numbers; car; etc.) I told... let's call him "Richard" - about my family finding out (my sister let it slip that I was talking to someone... and then someone else said something about me going out of town and they basically put it together). Which is fine - it was cute they were worried about me. But when I told "Richard" about all of the information my BIL wanted - he was fine with it. Sent it all too me (I already had most of it but not his tag number/etc.).

 

I had talked to my psychologist about him/this/etc. and he was very supportive of it. Thought all of this was really great for me and "Richard". So I drive to meet him - get to my hotel check in; then let all 500 people in my family know I am in my room; made it there; etc. My BIL told me before I could do anything/go anywhere with him whatever I had to take a photo of his tag (to make sure it matched up with what he told me?) So I called "Richard" to let him know I was checked in; he had picked up pizza and we were going to have a movie night at his apt. So I left the hotel and drove to his apt. when I got out of my car he was standing there. It really was like a movie moment - then me being who I am dropped my bags (I brought him a gift and a gift for his dog). Yes, it was actually really funny - and me in a nutshell. Anyway - take the tag photo - (he laughs at this too because he didn't know about it before). Finally I am given the green light to hang out with him haha. So we go up to his apt. and he opens his gift; loves it and gives me a hug... so far NO awkwardness that I expected (you have to expect a little bit when you first meet someone in real life. They could smell; have bad breath; so many factors you don't know.) It was just so much more than I could have ever expected. Then he kissed me. and I fell right then. and fell hard.

 

So we eat pizza - watch the movie; cuddle - then he starts kissing me again. I have only had sex with 2 other people in my life before this point. But all of it still felt so natural; easy; amazing - nothing I had ever in my life experienced before. So basically - things moved to the bedroom... and yeah.

I stayed the night; went to my hotel room to get ready shower - then we hung out more; basically same thing the next day. Then I left to go home.

 

A week later - we said "I love you" for the first time. again - something that is normally not like EITHER of us. I freak out and push people away when they start to get too close - he knew this and kept telling me he wouldn't let me push him away. He would always be here for me. It wasn't like he was just saying these things - he really meant them. He has been in love twice before; me once - so it's not like we normally are people who rush into things; or "needs" someone. He has always been very honesty and upfront about even "hard things".

 

Basically months go buy of pure bliss; one of us drives to see the other basically every other weekend - I have my "crazy" this isn't going to work moments - he always stayed calm; calmed me down. Then one weekend - we are in his hotel room... I had never seen him drunk so that was my goal for that night. Many shots later - he admitted he had already been looking at engagement rings - I had made a joke to him one point about ring pops - and he gets up and goes to his bag and has 3 different ring pops he gave me. (he had already told me he could see me being the girl he spent the rest of his life with). Then proceeds to pull out his phone and says within the next year we will be married - and put it in his calendar; then in mine.

 

He really is the only person I have ever let in 100% - given all of me too and really trusted what he said. You could tell in his eyes he meant everything he said to me.

 

Then I take off a week off of work; and he convinces me to come stay with him. I make a joke about how it will be the longest he's had to physically put up with me being all up in his space and he would get sick of me... he says he will never get sick of me. I had things to do the first couple of days - but planned on going Friday and coming back the next Tuesday (still longer than our weekend trips). He convinced me he couldn't wait to see me and I left to go Thursday...

 

Basically the whole time I was there (except 1 day) - he was busy with work; and I barely saw him. No lie. On my way down - he called to say he would leave a key for me under the mat because he would be stuck at work late (didn't get there until midnight - then had throw up all over him from work). So not very... yeah.. haha. So basically - he took a shower and we went to bed. Same thing the next night (minus throw up this time). Saturday we spent together all day. Sunday - he was gone all day again (until 1:30am this time). I told him that I was just going to go home Monday because I didn't want him to feel bad for leaving me (because he did a lot). I understood why he had too - so I wasn't really mad at him for it. I expected to be alone a lot - just not that much and so late every night. When he got home at 1:30am... said he really wanted/needed me to stay and just be there for him and he would make it up to me and come up the next weekend. He was going through a lot at work (stress/pressure/etc.) which I knew about... and really "understood" a lot more while I was there and saw even while we had our day together how much was still put on him.

 

So I stayed until Tuesday and left that morning with him when he went to work. It was hard for both of us; he kept apologizing for "ruining" my vacation - I told him he didn't do any of that and to stop that I understand sometimes people NEED him more than I do. Goes along with the profession, I guess. Sucks - really badly.

 

Anyway - I don't hear from him at all - until I am almost home. Which was weird - because he normally will text me/call whatever to make sure I am ok. Then... when I am about an hour from home I got a text that basically said he has so much going on in his life right now and it's not fair for me to not feel like a priority to him when I am so important to him etc. So he just wanted some times/space to figure his life out and that we would talk soon....

 

I was so confused about what the heck just happened. That was 4 weeks ago (tomorrow). He still kept telling me he didn't want to break up he just had so much going on that he needed to figure out and was trying to move closer to me and all of this stuff. I didn't understand (still don't really). What happened? Then a little over 2 weeks ago - he broke up with me (said he didn't want to... asked me to just give him a month to figure everything out). That was the last time I talked to him on the phone. He has texted me maybe 4 times...

 

I am really worried about him. My friends think I'm stupid because I am upset and still am. They didn't think we were in a real relationship anyway. He has a lot going on in his life right now - between his family; work; personal stuff (that I've known about)...

 

I don't know what all really has been going on in his life (for the past month even now... because I rarely talked to him after the break text). I know he asked for (still has a week and a half left). I am still waiting... and it sucks... I just want to help him. Be there for him. I am not this person; a "typical girl". But now I am. with him I am.

 

My friends think I am stupid for waiting... they have tried to hook me up with a few different people; I've been asked out. But I always say no - that I'm not ready. It's because I still have hope in him. I really believe in him. I believe in us.

 

Not really sure what I expect from this post - just wanted to get "it" out. I miss him more and more every single day. I listen to old videos/read old text/ listen to messages; I hard core cry myself to sleep every night.. actually last night I didn't - I only cried a little.

 

If you made it to the end - thanks for reading all of it.

[ird]

Sorry you've had to deal with such an abrupt break-up. No matter what your family or friends say, it definitely sounds like you were in a "real" relationship. It sounds cliche but your family just seemed to be a bit concerned about you, as going through with a LDR/first meeting can potentially be dangerous. You never really know a person until you meet them in real life and live around them for a while. It sounds like you guys did that to a certain degree. As to why he broke up with you, it maybe sounds like he(or both of you?) hasted the relationship a bit too much. This could have caused everything to crash and burn and sputter out. Relationships and people both need time to develop and need to be taken care of like a garden. Don't try to rush and grow all the flowers at once, or they'll all die, become overcrowded, etc. It sounds like he might have also realized he's not ready for a real relationship. I know he kind of proposed to you while he was drunk, but sweetheart he was drunk.

 

The best thing to do is give him time until he decides to talk to you, if he wants to continue your relationship. Your friends may be in the right for wanting you to meet new people. I know it's really hard to be separated from someone you love/loved especially if it was ordered by them but the world hasn't stopped spinning yet. Take one day at a time and try to distract yourself with friends and family. God Bless.