LDR experiences and suggestions?

[Solana]

So I've suddenly found myself at the beginning of a new relationship, long-distance no less.

 

I am a mid-twenties divorcee and met a guy in his mid-thirties through a divorce support board. This guy sent me an email, and we started passing notes back and forth. Eventually we IMed (briefly, he wasn't a fan of IM) and then started talking on the phone. We had this immediate intellectual connection with tons of flirtation, and after only a few weeks I bought a last-minute plane ticket to go meet him. We live approximately half-way across the US from each other.

 

That was a few weeks ago, and since then we've talked for anywhere from 1 to 4 hours on the phone each night. He is coming to visit me next week, and I can't wait!

 

I am finding myself pretty blown away by how attached I am to this guy already, and excited in a way I had almost forgotten existed thanks to my divorce.

 

I guess I'm wondering if anyone else here has had a similar experience, how you handled things, etc.

 

I'd also appreciate any suggestions for dealing with ultra-long distance, etc.

 

Solana.

[swirly27]

Isn't that a great feeling, when you connect with someone, especially when you felt like it wouldn't happen again. I am happy for you!

 

I just came out of a long distance relationship, nowhere near as far as yours though. We met online thru a personals website and we clicked pretty quickly too. We talked each day for two months, via email, phone and text messages and the conversations were great and all the flirtyness was there too. We proceeded to date for 2 more months on the weekends and they were GREAT! I had somehow grown attached quickly as well, which DOES NOT happen for me. About a month ago, things ended because he realized he couldn't handle the distance. There's more to the story, but thats the jist of it. He was a GREAT guy and I had fallen for him and he just went with it all and the feelings and somewhere in there he realized the distance was a huge problem for him, which blew me away.

 

So, he wanted to still be friends and keep in touch and get together from time to time and I tried it for the last month. We never saw each other but we did talk each week and finally two nights ago I had to cut that off as well. It was hurting too much to talk to him, especially when he was never a jerk and still seemed to care so much, but he also had started hanging out with other girls, which he was very honest about and I had asked him. So, I need the No Contact for awhile till I get over it all, cause our time together was great and I thought he could have been 'The One'. Sounds crazy right!?

 

But, from what I hear, LDR's can be great and all work out as well. I would suggest talking about where you guys seeing this go and talking about the distance up front and maybe if he's ever done this before. LOTS of couples have made it work and are now together and happy, so I wish the best of luck to you. I guess I can chalk my whole experience up to just that, an experience. Good luck!!

[Solana]

Well, I'm in a rather interesting position as far as a LDR is concerned.

 

I was divorced last summer (so was he) and took a temporary (approx 1 year) position on the east coast, moving here from the midwest. He lives in the southwest, and has a terrific job down there. My job, on the other hand, is basically a zero-pay internship that I took in another field to take some time off from my good-paying (but boring) job that I went to school for.

 

Basically I'm at a crossroads with alot of flexibility in my life right now.

 

We haven't even really discussed the long-term yet, although he asked me about it a few days ago. He asked me what the deal was between us, and if I saw it going somewhere. Having only met him once for a few days, it didn't seem quite right yet to voice things aloud, you know? I told him I would love to see it go somewhere, but that was where I left it. He obviously knows that I am really into him, considering how much we talk. A few days ago he was in a car accident, and he called me from the hospital to talk. I was at work, so could only talk for a few minutes, unfortunately. A few minutes after I got off the phone with him I realized how worried I was about him, and how crazy I am getting for him. I sent him a text message telling him I was falling for him.

 

He actually didn't get the message until later when we were on the phone, as he is a bit text-message challenged, LOL. I got kind of a mixed response from him, but he is obviously still calling and emailing me repeatedly, so I couldn't have scared him off too much.

 

I don't know. I'm just really into this guy, and I don't know what is appropriate for the amount of time we've been talking and our limited face-to-face time. He is also new to the LDR thing, too.

 

Solana.

[swirly27]

Well thats good that you guys talked about it all somewhat already. Sorry to hear he was in a car accident!

 

My advice is also just try to be cautious. The guy I was dating was the one who seemed to be more into it than I was, but it was just my walls that were up. Little by little he made me open up and he talked about how he wanted me to be a part of his future and he joked about one of us moving and little things like that all the time. He was so passionate about everything and made me feel so special and then BAM, he realized the distance was a problem. He didn't plan it and he probably did the right thing, for him anyway, because he was getting more attached and yet insecure too, and I would have too probably.

 

Its hard because after going through a bad ordeal, like your divorce, or through a lonely period, like I had, when something great comes along that makes you feel so happy, you can't help but think about it all the time and fantasize about it. Thats what I did. We even had met each other's friends and everyone thought we clicked so well and I got caught up in it all. But at the same time, falling in love is a great feeling and you should run with it whenever you can. Its like an oxymoron, to tell you to be careful and to roll with it.

 

How long have you guys been communicating? And you only met once right? I would enjoy everything as it goes but take it slow too, in your head and your heart. If its all meant to be, it will work out. Like you said, your life is pretty flexible right now and who knows what could come of all that.

 

What kind of mixed signals did he give when you told him you are falling for him?

[Solana]

Well, the mixed signals could have just been paranoia on my part. He was actually looped up on vicaden, muscle relaxers, etc. from his car accident when he was talking to me on the phone and read the text message. He read it, paused, said, "Wow. Wait a minute, did I read that right?" then he read it again out loud to himself and said, "Huh. Well, that's really kind of cute." I mean, it wasn't exactly a negative response, but then he kind of changed the subject, and honestly if you tell someone you are totally falling for them (even via text message) you kind of hope for a little bit more response than that, right? LOL.

 

Well, he did keep talking to me that night (Tuesday) and talked to me for almost three hours last night, so it isn't like he's running for the hills or anything. He called me today on his lunch hour just to chat, and when he had a bad afternoon at work today he sent me an email telling me he wants me and needs me. Then he called me first thing on his way home from work.

 

I honestly don't feel like I need any sort of additional validation that he is into me, because he makes the effort to call and email me more than once a day. He also shelled out almost $400 for his plane ticket here (I'm in a poor location for airline pricing ).

 

So, it seems like he and I spend an extraordinary amount of time on the phone compared to alot of people in LDRs. Why don't people talk more? The expense? I have unlimited nights and weekends on my cell, and he had unlimited long distance on his home phone, so we just talk each other to sleep every night.

 

I think we'll probably talk about things while he is up here, as the inevitable questions keep coming up periodically.

 

Solana.