madmeatmike Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Well I could say the title speaks for itself but there is so much more than that. To start things off we've known each other for 6 months so far. Having met on an online chat service as many of you may or may not know of called chatous. She has everything, the care and will to want to be with me...to be faithful and to not take anything for granted. I finally felt like I found the one girl who I could truly say that she is the one for me in this world. Enter my first problem. Through verification of meeting online everyone knows that you need to see a picture or live video of the person they are chatting with. I have made mention at first that I would love to see the girl that I am falling for. To be able to look her in the eyes to know what she looks like etc etc. Her response? " I don't want yiu to see me, stop pressuring me by me sending you z picture." Among the other ones it's usually her saying that she's either nervous or self concious about how she looks. Now I didn't mind to much at that response seeing as it seemed plausible at first. Then she'd always tell me how guys would hit on her constantly. Always telling me and making me jealous in her words. I then asked her why it's ok for her to outright deny me any form of identification. Still it resulted in the same answer. I am making her upset and I'm the bad guy for wanting to see her.. it started with her saying it'll be 2 weeks, 1 month, 2 months, 4 months, now she tells me she doesn't know when she'll show me herself. Please tell me the obvious here people. I want to believe that she is real but of course the catfish scenario is so in my face but I just need others to tell me that I'm not crazy in thinking that. This can't be normal. I know it's not. Always censoring everything from me and not anyone else. Hiding from me and what not. Am I in the right to make her send me a picture? She says im wrong for making a big deal out of it. What do I do? Help me... Link to post Share on other sites
emi Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Well, if your gut is telling you something is off here then it must be it. Several people are shy for camming, included myself when i dont know the person im talking with well enough, or atleast feeling comfortable with. But pictures is not something should be matter here. You need to be prepare this may be an obese woman or a man who is chatting with you. Maybe just across the street ( yeah creepy i know) I dont think there is any problem of dating local or long distance as long as you are realistic enough so i dont judge you for falling for a girl you never meet here. But seriously, what is the plan? Where is she and where are you from? Job? Age? Etc is something need to considered. There is nothing bad about wanting to see who you talking with, even you guys are just friends, let alone romantic cases. Tell her you are sick of her beating around the bush and you wanting to make sure you know who you talking with. Or else you are out. If shes not changing then you should be out really. What type of relationship you planning to build here? Have you ever heard her voice? Well I could say the title speaks for itself but there is so much more than that. To start things off we've known each other for 6 months so far. Having met on an online chat service as many of you may or may not know of called chatous. She has everything, the care and will to want to be with me...to be faithful and to not take anything for granted. I finally felt like I found the one girl who I could truly say that she is the one for me in this world. Enter my first problem. Through verification of meeting online everyone knows that you need to see a picture or live video of the person they are chatting with. I have made mention at first that I would love to see the girl that I am falling for. To be able to look her in the eyes to know what she looks like etc etc. Her response? " I don't want yiu to see me, stop pressuring me by me sending you z picture." Among the other ones it's usually her saying that she's either nervous or self concious about how she looks. Now I didn't mind to much at that response seeing as it seemed plausible at first. Then she'd always tell me how guys would hit on her constantly. Always telling me and making me jealous in her words. I then asked her why it's ok for her to outright deny me any form of identification. Still it resulted in the same answer. I am making her upset and I'm the bad guy for wanting to see her.. it started with her saying it'll be 2 weeks, 1 month, 2 months, 4 months, now she tells me she doesn't know when she'll show me herself. Please tell me the obvious here people. I want to believe that she is real but of course the catfish scenario is so in my face but I just need others to tell me that I'm not crazy in thinking that. This can't be normal. I know it's not. Always censoring everything from me and not anyone else. Hiding from me and what not. Am I in the right to make her send me a picture? She says im wrong for making a big deal out of it. What do I do? Help me... Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 She is not who she says she is. Full stop. There's no other reason at this point. Sorry, OP. You're wasting your time with this. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 You could potentially be "falling in love" with a man or a woman that looks nothing like what you have in your head. Wise up and stop allowing your feelings to get away from you, whether in real life or online. You have to be cautious especially in a situation like this. Step back from this person or let them know no more conversations without a video. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 She is definitely hiding something that "she" knows you won't like. You can either go NC (no contact) or keep chatting but take out ALL relationship-related comments, and keep it strictly platonic as you would with a guy friend. Even a picture or video could be fake. If she's going to do anything, it should be Skype or similar. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kimiky Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 It took me two years to finally see a single pic of my bf after that couple of years talking everyday, he is alright, shy, but I knew he wasnt confident enough and had a low self esteem. By telling this im saying it would be kind of 50 50% of being normal or a catfish. Why dont you try to talk with her by phone or skype call without cam to make sure first that she is a girl? dont you have her name and surname? In case she doesnt have facebook, try to look for her relatives to see if you can relate their looks or find a pic with her. Background research is really helpfull in these cases, keep us updated, looks really interesting 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Honeybunnies Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 This is why you shouldn't get too emotionally invested into someone you've never met. It is incredibly easy to fake yourself online. She's "refusing" to send a picture? I'm sorry, but to me, it's basic common sense/courtesy to send photos if you're seriously interested in an online/LDR. She's just brushing you off. "Stop pressuring me"? How about you stop talking to her until she can prove she is who she says she is. Don't let her string you along, there are plenty of real women elsewhere. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Red flag!! She is probably not who she says she is... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 (edited) Have you watched the TV show Catfish? If not you should. I would not invest emotionally in an online person who refuses to video chat or send pictures. That is completely unreasonable of them and is evident they have something to hide. Online has its challenges and people serious about bridging the gap will do all they can to be real. It's bad enough you don't know each other in the flesh but for her to not want to make things more real and verifiable by video chatting or sending pics means she has something to hide and just wants a fantasy and not anything real. That's what a Catfish is. A person who forms relationships online under false pretenses or distorts information because of their insecurities and other issues so they avoid ever sending pictures, videos, talking on the phone OR send fake pictures and the rest. They have no desire to meet in real life or lie a lot about themselves and hope the person will be in love and forgive the fact that they aren't who they say are when they finally meet (if ever). But most never truly want to meet and are content having an online fantasy for years. I'm always confused at how people can be fooled by someone who blatantly refuses to send pictures or videos or even phone chat... I truly don't get why they keep talking to the person, then I realize they like the fantasy too. Don't be that guy who has an online gf for months, or years even, and has never seen her. That is NOT a real relationship and they could be anyone no matter how you might feel about the words you read on the screen. Edited February 15, 2015 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 of course you are in the right, she is the one who is in the wrong.. his many months later and brushing off your desire to see what she looks like.. At this point I would only accept skype as she could use anybody's picture off the internet. I would insist.. and if she refuses then move on.. Dating and getting to know someone is the physical and well as the emotional... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Yeah....I smell a catfish here. Don't get too involved when you really don't know who you're talking to. It could lead to terrible heartbreak. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 You're completely wasting your time with him/her. She's probably not even the sex she says she is. If so, she's probably fat like me. Even fat people, though, will often send a photo of when they were younger, so I think this person is a total fraud. Please do not even ever consider spending money or sending money to this person. Could be some jackass in a cubicle in Nigeria. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 She is a Thai ladyboy, paid to 'make love' with you so that you will send him/her money. Wait for the sob story about a relative in dire straits. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Am I in the right to make her send me a picture? Yes. I can identify though. It'd take me years to send a picture of me, and when I'd finally do that, it was the size of a stamp. I'm not happy with most of my pictures, because I'm hypercritical. I have learned that people don't see me the way I do. Nevertheless, I haven't changed my approach. But I must admit I have never tried to date online, so if someone is chatting online with the intent of finding love, they need to be willing to be fair to a possible partner. What do I do? I'm not sure what to suggest here. Start detaching yourself from her, do not compliment her, do not show the level of interest you were showing, make no reference to meeting up or doing anything together at present or in the future, do not even suggest being together. She needs to want to gain your interest back. And she knows that she could do that only with a picture, because you'd be willing to trust her if she is going to be fair to you, otherwise it gets too unbalanced. Not to lose you, she should make the effort. The detachment should prompt her, if she really cares. Please also make sure it's not catfish material. You need some videochatting. Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 "she" is a dude. either that or a 50 year old 250 lb woman. hey I get it, you are lonely and you emotionally connected with her. that is human nature to want to have someone to talk to and share life with. but nature also gave you a "gut", and if you are having a "gut feeling" that something is wrong...it probably is. back off from this relationship. if she asks why you are distant/unavailable, say you really need to video cam live with her for things to get back on track. tell her you are open, and if there are any secrets she is hiding from you, NOW is the time to tell you about them. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 6 months is far too long for someone to refuse webcam (we're talking about fully clothed webcam here, obviously). Something sounds very suspicious indeed. In your place I would cut things off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 (edited) Well I could say the title speaks for itself but there is so much more than that. To start things off we've known each other for 6 months so far. Having met on an online chat service as many of you may or may not know of called chatous. She has everything, the care and will to want to be with me...to be faithful and to not take anything for granted. I finally felt like I found the one girl who I could truly say that she is the one for me in this world. Enter my first problem. Through verification of meeting online everyone knows that you need to see a picture or live video of the person they are chatting with. I have made mention at first that I would love to see the girl that I am falling for. To be able to look her in the eyes to know what she looks like etc etc. Her response? " I don't want yiu to see me, stop pressuring me by me sending you z picture." Among the other ones it's usually her saying that she's either nervous or self concious about how she looks. Now I didn't mind to much at that response seeing as it seemed plausible at first. Then she'd always tell me how guys would hit on her constantly. Always telling me and making me jealous in her words. I then asked her why it's ok for her to outright deny me any form of identification. Still it resulted in the same answer. I am making her upset and I'm the bad guy for wanting to see her.. it started with her saying it'll be 2 weeks, 1 month, 2 months, 4 months, now she tells me she doesn't know when she'll show me herself. Please tell me the obvious here people. I want to believe that she is real but of course the catfish scenario is so in my face but I just need others to tell me that I'm not crazy in thinking that. This can't be normal. I know it's not. Always censoring everything from me and not anyone else. Hiding from me and what not. Am I in the right to make her send me a picture? She says im wrong for making a big deal out of it. What do I do? Help me... She's a catfish. It's probably a guy sitting in front of a computer at an internet cafe in Nigeria who is doing this to 15 other guys in an effort to get money out of you. Block her/it. Move on. Don't waste your time on people who won't send you pictures or won't skype with you, because they are wasting your time. Also, run what "she" has said through a google search. Chances are, she's not a native speaker of your language and is copying prose from an online site that provides flowery, romantic language used by catfish to lure and hook unsuspecting people. I had a catfish who would argue with me when it came to skyping/facetiming. Every excuse in the book and them saying they didn't have to justify who they were to me--this is someone also telling me he would be 'faithful to me, not take anything for granted, wanted to be with me", blah blah effin blah. It wasn't until I'd laid a trap and caught them that I discovered what they were. Oh, and did I mention that the catfish stole pictures of a guy from Russia and had fabricated a whole online personna on both Facebook and LinkedIn? He even used an app that routed overseas calls through to a local area code number. Yeah... that's what they do. (wanna know something even wilder? The Russian guy and I are now facebook friends after I'd contacted him and alerted him about what was going on. Странно, но факт.) I also was talking to a guy in the UK. He'd sent me pictures, I laid the trap for him, but he was where he said he was. He did skype with me a number of times, so I knew I was dealing with the actual person in the pictures. Edited March 4, 2015 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 maybe she just isnt into you. if she likes you she will skype you. its the same as saying if a girl likes you she will meet with you but you see a lot of girls when it comes to meeting oooing and arrrring and making excuses. .she probs just want to be friends and not more. only if a girl likes you she will want to skype you or call you or meet you. but if not she will just text you loads cos you are only a friend Link to post Share on other sites
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