Ara-bella Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 (edited) I'm pretty young, 18 and my boyfriend is 19. We've broken up before because he distanced himself, dumped me thinking it wouldnt work out because of the distance. We live a little over an hour away from each other. Sorry if I seem insensitive for posting this in LDR, some of you guys are in situations where the other live in another country, but my bf considers us long distance.. After separating for 4 months, we've decided to give it another shot. Problem is he works full time, goes to school, I'm just starting to work = hardly enough time for each other, he only comes when his dad drives down here (he doesn't drive over 30 miles - just got his license). I wouldn't put it past him to become cold and distant like last time, find another girl or anything. I guess I'm just not super secure in this relationship. What do you do when you know the relationship could possibly be doomed? Take it day by day and go along with it with little to no expectations? Edited November 25, 2014 by Ara-bella Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I won't take issue with you calling it a LDR - it's your R, call it whatever you want. The real issue seems to be that your bf is unwilling to work things out - you're doomed from the start if both of you aren't in it together, IMO. If he is giving up over a one-hour distance, I think he isn't really the right guy for you, and you should probably move on. How often does his dad drive down? Can't he take the bus if he can't drive? Can you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ara-bella Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 Thanks for the reply Elswyth. I see him maybe twice a month if we're lucky. In general he's just an impatient person, I don't know how long he'll be able to cope this way because we're both busy. He reassured me in the past relationship (first time) 100% he was committed and wouldnt give up, yet he still let me down. It's like I love him, but it's inevitable, and a matter of time until he gets completely bored again and finds someone else or something. Is that weird and cynical? Maybe I should just be more optimistic?! Link to post Share on other sites
StrongLass Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 You're completely justified with your doubt. He's let you down big time before so it's not only realistic but downright practical to want to see some solid reasons for things to actually be different this time. Taking things day by day w/ limited expectations is how you're going to have to take things if you BOTH actually want to give this another shot. Honestly though if a guy can't work through his issues while IN a relationship w/ you then suddenly decides to come back..it just doesn't sound like the sort of thing I'd worry about investing any more in if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ara-bella Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 Thanks StrongLass!! Yeah definitely my past experience gave me some trust issues although I'm trying my best. When I ask him why he became cold and distant last time, he says "I couldn't tell you. I was stupid, that's all I know. MAYBE it was the distance that made me believe it wouldn't work out so I distanced myself from you." That to me is code for, I couldn't find anyone better so I came back to you. It all just kind of occurred to me now. I hope that's not the case and maybe I'm just overthinking. But thanks for the response Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 1 hour is inconvenient for sure especially when you are young. That, however, is the least of your problems. The fact that you have broken up before is an issue. Read a pop psychology book called It's Called A Break-up Because It's Broken. You can't take it all as gospel but it may help you to stop repeating unhealthy patterns. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ara-bella Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Yeah d0nnivain I feel like the end of our first relationship still gives me an unsettling feeling. Thanks for the recommendation! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 The end of any relationship is heartbreaking. The end of a 1st relationship is particularly profound because you have never experienced this before. You will survive. We all did. Hang in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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