Zinnia69 Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 I'm not sure what information would help me with my issue. I'm fairly new to dating and relationships and all of this stuff. I am seeing a guy and we have been intimate. We haven't made any commitments except that if we start seeing or talking to someone else we will tell the other person. He really acts like he is into me. He lives about an hour and 40 minutes away from me. So we get to this week. All of the sudden one day he doesn't text me all day. Okay fine he maybe just tired of texting, I get that. So I backed off of all the texting. He said his daughter was over having dinner so I then figured that's partly why he didn't answer me. Then the next day we are texting and he says he is at the airport with his friend. He informs me that they are going to Vegas for the weekend. He says he thought he told me. I don't remember really if he did or not. Now these two events could be completely unrelated. The backing off of texting and going to Vegas for the weekend. But I'm worried. I hate being vulnerable to another person it makes me feel weak. But after years of being alone I like someone again and I don't know how to act or what to think about things. Why does it bother me that he is in Vegas so much? We are not in a committed relationship. I don't know just looking for insight and trying not to go nuts this weekend. Any insights questions to clarify, please I need some help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zinnia69 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 In his defense I was the one that proposed the idea that if we changed our status we would tell the other person. We have discussed seeing how things go since things are very new. We both talked about trying to just let things unfold naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted November 15, 2014 Share Posted November 15, 2014 In his defense I was the one that proposed the idea that if we changed our status we would tell the other person. So did he agree to that, or can't you remember whether he said anything about that either? We have discussed seeing how things go since things are very new. We both talked about trying to just let things unfold naturally. And so they are... (As in, you're not that big of a priority to him.) Clearly, you don't view "the relationship" you have with guy the same way that he does. Unless you perpetually want to be in a state of angst, you need to back off and see this guy for who he really is. I don't care what he's told you or how wonderful you think he is, you need to pay attention to how he acts and how he's treating you, and quit settling for breadcrumbs. Best thing you could do is to turn your head and be looking in a different direction. Maybe he'll realize what he lost, but I doubt it. The only "value" you have to him at this point in time is being a willing booty call. Awfully hard to turn that around -- especially when you two aren't local. Don't invest any more into this. Cut the chord, walk on and look elsewhere. Best, TMichaels 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zinnia69 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 I understand what you both are saying. Another thing I have a terrible memory. I mean really bad. So it is possible he mentioned it to me and I simply don't remember. Another thing how he treats me, he is gentle and kind, he holds the door for me, he asks me what I want to do, he tells me about his hopes and dreams for the future and what is going on with him now he asks me about mine. He talks about his philosophy on life and asks me about mine. We spend time together and make plans for other times to spend together. He asks me out, we don't just have sex. We have the next two weekends planned out to spend time together and he asked me about both weekends. We are going to see a concert both weekends. We are car pooling to one concert and I'm picking him up at his house. I don't think he would want me to know where he lives if he only saw me as a booty call. And he also is going to my company Christmas party with me. Does that change anything? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zinnia69 Posted November 15, 2014 Author Share Posted November 15, 2014 I'm going to give it time and see what happens. I think I'm over thinking everything. When I ask my guy friends what they think it's very different from what my female friends say about the whole situation. I don't know why there is such a difference but I am going to tend to listen to my guy friends. Wouldn't they know more about a guy's point of view than a woman would? Well any one else want to chime in and tell me how blind I am please feel free too. Maybe it will click with me eventually and I'll see it. At any rate any ideas or feed back is appreciated no matter how much I may not want to hear it. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedCanadian Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 It honestly sounds like everything is normal to me. My GF goes to Vegas with her girls all the time, and I really don't hear from her much while she is there usually a quick good morning a hi at some point during the day and she will let me know when she is back at the hotel safe, (keep in mind we have also been dating for 3yrs) I have also gone a few times with my guy friends and it is usually the same type of story just checking in to say hi, and let them know we are safe. Going with just a friend is something that is perfectly normal to me, and if you have both agreed that you would let the other know if anything changed I think you need to trust him, until you are given a reason to think otherwise. I would hope that you either did actually forget or he forgot to tell you and that he didn't actually avoid telling you, but as I said I think you need to trust him. Sounds like you two have fun together and are making plans, and that seems to fit with the letting things unfold naturally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zinnia69 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Share Posted November 17, 2014 CC, Thanks for your reply. I will trust him. He has given me no reason not to. And I do recall him mentioning going to Vegas but I didn't pay a lot of attention to it at the time. I was drinking. Should I text him again tonight? I texted him last night and we had a nice exchange and I really want to hear from him, but part of me feels I should wait for him to text me now. What do you think? Thanks, Zin Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedCanadian Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 Just a quick hope you are having fun and leave at that wouldn't hurt. Lets him know you are thinking of him but not with the pressure of him needing to text you back the second he gets it if he is at the tables or something like that, and if you don't hear back from him right away don't stress it. It is very easy to lose track of time in Vegas lol Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 I think I'm over thinking everything. I think you are, too. You seem to be taking his trip to Vegas personally or thinking that there's more to it. He may have made these travel plans a long time ago, maybe before he even knew you, since you said it's very new. Still, it's just a trip with a friend. Him not texting you for an entire day might be a bad sign, but it also could mean nothing at all, except that he was busy that day. Go ahead and text him. Like a previous poster said, a quick, "Hope you're having fun in Vegas!" won't hurt. Initiating a short, casual conversation with, "How's the trip so far?" would be fine too, I think. Just don't read into it if he's not super responsive while he's on vacation. You have plans for when he gets back, and that's a good sign. Relax, don't think about it so much, have fun with the new relationship, and just see where it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zinnia69 Posted November 17, 2014 Author Share Posted November 17, 2014 So I texted him last night and said that I hope he has a nice flight home and asked him when his flight left. I got no response. I think I have to wait now. If I don't hear from him by tomorrow night around 10 pm I'm going to text him and ask him if we are still on for this coming up weekend. I think I did take the trip to Vegas a little personally. Mainly because it seemed he didn't think to mention it to me. Now I feel a little bad because I do recall him saying something about it. But also I was so used to hearing from him every day now very little or nothing. I need to put it in perspective I think. Thanks for your helpful replies. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedCanadian Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 Wouldn't stress it too much, he probably just needs to catch up on some sleep after Vegas, trust me I know the feeling lol. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I guess 69 is not your birth year. It seems like you're having an open relationship or a FWB kind of deal. This kind of situation rarely turns into a regular relationship, and I would hardly call it dating, because in a dating scenario, you have some goal (like getting to know each other better to see if things work out and be a steady couple). He turned to a friend for a fun weekend. To me, that's not a good sign. So probably that's why you are not taking it that well. Has he ever invited you to a weekend with him? Link to post Share on other sites
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