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Break up her? 16 years older, running for congress, long distance. 2 years together.


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 1st November 2014, 5:12 PM   #1
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Question Break up her? 16 years older, running for congress, long distance. 2 years together.

Long story short. I met her online, she is 43 and i'm 26. She is divorced with two teenage daughters. We've been chating and calling almost everyday for almost two years by now.

We started to fall in love but she seemed very worried and reluctant to start a relationship because we are 5 hours away from each other and i'm a lot younger. So i get tired and i started a relationship with another, local girl. She got crazy about it but i continued my relationship.

After 5 months i ended up my other relationship and i gave a shot to the virtual one. Things were going well, we chatted everyday for hours and occasionally she would come here to have a sex session. The problem is i felt i wasn't really her priority but i barely spoke up.

One day she came here to inform me she was elected to run for a campaign for a federal congress seat in our country. I got really excited about it. Problem was she wanted to end things because she thought if people would know about us she would loss her campaign and she didn't trust me that much to keep it secret (we argued sometimes because i hated she always had it secret, like it was something she is embarrassed about) plus time will be something really scarce for her.

We ended things and she talked to me again 2 weeks later. From there we fought EVERY DAY for 4 months. She insisted she couldn't handle a relationship because time (she is studying another bachelor, she has her two daughters, she has this campaign plus she does a lot of political activism in her free time) and because no-one could know about us but keep messaging me everyday only to find me very upset with her. She insisted she know the darkest, most aggressive side of me but she still loves me so she keep messaging me everyday.

Finally she asked to be in a relationship but asked me for time. She told me she would be very busy but when campaign finishes (july 2015) she would move in with me no matter where i'm. I believed her.

Problem is we really never have time for each other. Even tough she started to tell her closest friends and family members about us she prefers all her activities over me. So i started to behave very jealous with her. I'm usually not jealous and she talks everyday with a lot of guys because well, she is a politician LOL and i really never got jealous, except from one guy that was hitting on her. But as i saw she was busy with all but me i started to feel insecure. I started to behave REALLY clingy and needy and she started to keep away from me further and further and when that happened my needy behavior got worst and worst.

Last week i asked her what place i was in her priorities she told me i'm in the bottom for now, but that will change. Men that really hurts and i confronted her. She told me her ex-husband with whom she was married 14 years made her stay as a housewife. He asked to let her dreams sink while he made his true so she doesn't want to be dominated by another man. Told me that she has decades without really a partner, because her husband neglected her and never spent time with her and, after divorce and during 5 years, she was single until me so she doesn't know how to be with someone, all she knows is how to be by herself. She told me she really always saw her single but she felt in love with me and now she thinks would be nice to include me in her future. Also, she told me she had suffer from sexual abuse in her childhood so she find very hard to trust a guy.

We talked about it again two days ago, i was drunk but not that much. She told me she is willing to work in this and accepted i should escalate in her priority line but she was steady with the fact that, by now, i'm in the bottom and that she needs time to work it out. For now she made several commitments to start to work in things.

Yesterday told me i'm her complement and that she is 100% sure she wants to be with me but we should acquire more skills to solve our conflicts.

I still have a bad feeling about it so i started dating another girls. We are going to have a phone call tonight and i don't want to continue this way. I really love this girl and i'm in the mood to make a real commitment with her but also since she told me i'm in the bottom of her priorities i feel disrespected and neglected and i started to think in another girls in a romantic manner, i even had a few dates.

What do you think? Am i being un-comprehensive? Am i right and i shouldn't continue this? Is this a normal behavior for her or she isn't really in love?


Thanks in advance for your thoughts!
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Old 1st November 2014, 6:45 PM   #2
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This woman has her own path in life that she is not going to be willing to get off of because it's her priority and passion. She's been perfectly up front about it. You are low on her priority list. She'd like having you around, but really, her career isn't going to allow that. She'd rather follow her path with her career and give you up if it comes to that, and it sounds like it will because you are jealous and clingy. Now, I do understand you'd like to be higher on the list, but you aren't and you just have to accept that and find a woman who will put you high on the list, and there's plenty of them who will, just not one of that caliber. She can stand on her own if needed and will do so before she lets a relationship derail her aspirations.
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Old 2nd November 2014, 5:29 AM   #3
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What do you wish for yourself? Don't you want a family? Kids? A nice life with a girl more around your age? When you're 50, this woman will be 66. I mean, are you sure that's what you want? Attraction will go away. She's quite older than you and at a different stage in life.

Are you willing to play her "toy boy"? That includes her making decisions without thinking much of what YOU want. She has a life behind her, you're just starting out yours. Unfortunately, she's seeing you more as sexual material, a way out to release her stress, etc. In fact, once you don't provide that anymore, she's gone... And she proved her uncommitment to you. Is that where you want to be in a relationship?

Also, you are a young man, and it's not fair to ask YOU to be less of a man because the one in her life was overpowering her. She needs to work out those issues and not demand that any man in her life is less of a man because of that. That means a man is still a man, a provider, protective, jealous at times when needed, having his say about things, leading too (not all the time, but at least as much as she does), etc.

Honestly, I don't think you can have a healthy relationship with this woman, or even going anywhere.
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Old 2nd November 2014, 9:05 PM   #4
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If the sexes were reversed I'd still say let this person go. You want someone who has time for you.

Similar age gap exists between Susan Sarandon and Keanu Reeves, though they aren't dating. He's too old for her!
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