Did I hurt her?

[Yami]

Hello everyone!

 

I like a girl online and she likes me a lot too and we've decided to meet in person and then decide about a relationship.

 

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm hurting her feelings and I don't know whether it's serious or not. I'll try to explain why..

 

Sometimes, I get really busy with my daily activities, friends and because of that I've ignored her a few times. I usually tell her "Brb" and I end up being away for couple of hours. She told me she really hates when I do that.

Also, we kind of have "skype dates" once a week and I stood her up twice ( I didn't ignore her or leaving her waiting for me, I kind of postponed it ). I guess it's my fault because I didn't prioritize her. She got really upset and mad and asked me if I did the same with my ex.

Essentially saying, I've ignored her, I stood her up and I've made her wait. I did apologize to her every time I did it but she responds saying "You say that every time".

 

One more thing,I was screen sharing with her and she saw me chatting with another girl online (she's a friend of mine and I ask her for advice and I never flirt with her or anything). She asked me whether the person I chat online with is a girl or a boy and I told her it's a girl. Now..she thinks I talk to a lot of girls online..she didn't say it directly, but I'm sure she implied in same context.

 

Am I being bad to her? I just feel bad about it when she gets unhappy because of me or am I over analyzing everything? How do I make her understand I'm not a flirt and that she means a lot to me.

 

I really like her and she means a lot to me but at times, I've took her for granted.

[justwhoiam]

Am I being bad to her?

Yes.

 

am I over analyzing everything?

No.

 

How do I make her understand I'm not a flirt and that she means a lot to me.

Stop being a jerk to her.

 

I've took her for granted.

I have no real-life example (nor virtual one for that matter) where any girl/woman was happy when taken for granted, or that even led to a successful outcome (whatever it may be in your eyes).

[Yami]

I realize I've been a jerk. How do I fix this up? Should I tell her all of this and apologize to her?

[chados]

I realize I've been a jerk. How do I fix this up? Should I tell her all of this and apologize to her?

 

 

dont tell her youve been seeking advice here if thats what u mean. show her that "you" understand that you did something wrong. not that people made u change. stop appologizing and do it. of course shes gonna start getting jealous when you talk to girls and leave her for hours.

 

 

if youre busy you tell her, i have to go for a while but ill talks to you later "love you" or something that makes her feel that you care. not just brb. when you talk to her on skype when you know shes already worried. you dont talk to other girls at the same time.

 

of course u can talk to your friends but dont push her away before you do that. make her understand that she is important and then she hopefully will accept you talking to other people.

[justwhoiam]

I realize I've been a jerk. How do I fix this up? Should I tell her all of this and apologize to her?

Start being consistent with her. Show that you care. Answer her texts right away. Don't leave her hanging. Behave. Let her be your priority if you want to start something serious with her. That doesn't mean you're going to give up your life. If things are good with her, and then you meet up, there will be things you might want to tell her in person, like: you know, I was not really invested until meeting you, and although I never meant bad, there were times that I was a bit forgetful, or not putting in much effort, or would get caught up in some other conversation with a friend. But that never meant that I was not interested in you, just maybe trying to balance things and doing a poor job with it.

 

Something along those lines. But for the moment just change your behavior.

[Blade96]

tell her what you told these guys here. "I realize I've been a jerk, I stood you up, I've ignored you without a really good reason for it *so that she knows that you know what you've done and why it was wrong* and from now on, I'll change my behavior and be a better person. I'm very sorry I hurt you" Then BE a better person, so that she knows you meant what you said.

[chados]

Start being consistent with her. Show that you care. Answer her texts right away. Don't leave her hanging. Behave. Let her be your priority if you want to start something serious with her. That doesn't mean you're going to give up your life. If things are good with her, and then you meet up, there will be things you might want to tell her in person, like: you know, I was not really invested until meeting you, and although I never meant bad, there were times that I was a bit forgetful, or not putting in much effort, or would get caught up in some other conversation with a friend. But that never meant that I was not interested in you, just maybe trying to balance things and doing a poor job with it.

 

Something along those lines. But for the moment just change your behavior.

 

 

 

true, but to answer texts right away i dont agree with. i think you should be able to put your phone away. theres a difference between leave someone hanging and to have your own life. sometimes we need to wait with a text and thats okey. its not okey to say brb and not answer for hours.

 

no OP answer if you can. if you need 20 minutes to do something then put the phone away. if you have to leave for hours then tell her why. have some moments where you show your appreciation. call her up when she doesnt expect it and tell her you miss her for example.

[justwhoiam]

true, but to answer texts right away i dont agree with. i think you should be able to put your phone away.

I agree with that. Mine was a general rule, which meant "whenever possible". During a dinner with family, at the movies, etc. it's perfectly fine to switch the phone off. I tend to always be reachable, but only for him.