Is he flirty or just friendly? (he's German)

[mandag]

I [f/50] have a serious crush on someone I came across online [m/34] (okay, so I'm a Cougar...maybe.).

Okay, for some background, I am married, not happy, considering changing my situation possibly next year. He is single as far as I know, lives alone in Germany - does not talk about his status specifically, but everything he has said points that he is single. I'm not sure that he knows I'm married, I never told him and he never asked. There is a possibility that he knows I am, however based on FB statuses I was tagged in.

We connected online over a common interest over a year ago. First I started emailing him about our common interest and he eagerly replied, very friendly, etc. I would comment on and praise his work. I would ask him for his advice on projects I'm working on and he would give me some good feedback. Every time I would get a message from him I would get a rush and feel dizzy. He started following me on a FB page I manage (so he could get updates on my project more easily). Then he friended me on FB, which of course I accepted. I think maybe he did that to find out more about me (like see if I'm married).

We share a lot of the same interests, and it is freaky at times. He often makes it a point to tell me (with a winky face ;-) ) that he shares the same interest or thought, etc. He also does consistently punctuate his messages with lots of :-) and ;-). We got talking (messaging) one day and he said he was planning on visiting the U.S. in the future (not sure near or far future) and he said he would stop by and say hi. I said how that would be very cool and was looking forward to it. Being that he is German (I've read that German men are not very forward and it's up to the woman to make the move, not sure if I believe that or not.). it's hard for me to get a reading on if he is open to something more than just this email and FB friendship. I am afraid of offending him and losing the friendship, and that would really hurt. Though, being that he is not here, I also feel that maybe I have nothing to lose.

 

First off, I just want to know if he is being flirty but shy, or if that is just his way of being nice.

 

Yes, I know the age and distance thing is a huge issue, and may even be the sole reason this could all blow up in my face, but if there is a possibility, I could work out the distance issue.

...what would you do? Be subliminal about it or get right to the point and ask him?

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

If you plan on divorcing, I hope your feelings are not swayed in expectations to be with this guy.

 

I cannot say flirtation is your only issue, just seems like you have a lot of attachment now that is tugging at not being able to see his flirtation.

 

Trust him, by being open and frank, as the few German people I met seemed to be direct with communication. I don't know if it is from English being a second language or from how they think in general.

 

So if anything you can be subtle in telling him or you can say when he does make it to the US for a visit, you may be divorced and can make time to show him around. It will be more personal, yet many who travel find that sort of experience pleasurable in seeing what they would miss out on by themselves.

 

I would put any expectations aside until it is time to talk about your relationship and how things are going to work. That may come sooner or later depending on how fast or slow things move along.

 

The reason I say this, is that I am shy and my LDR is as well, so we have had our year break in time as online friends without any expectations. But once we found we loved each other, everything seemed like we took off like a rocket. Though we managed to keep our feet on the ground and find our flow of things. I think you cannot truly start a LDR without being open, and trusting. You just have to be honest and accept what the other feels and wants in a relationship, whether it is just to be friends.

[justwhoiam]

I just want to know if he is being flirty but shy, or if that is just his way of being nice.

More likely it's the latter.

 

...what would you do? Be subliminal about it or get right to the point and ask him?

I think that if a man is interested in you in a sexual way, he would let you know one way or the other. Even if he were shy, having a screen as a filter would make him less shy and would give it away somehow. Here, nothing gives me any clue that he'd be interested.

 

So, what would you like out of this? A fling? A steady relationship? A future together?

 

I guess the easiest way to know how he feels about you, if he's even attracted, would be bringing up his travel to the US again:

you: Hey, were you serious when you mentioned coming to the USA, or were you just joking about it?

him: No, I really want to come, maybe next year

you: Oh, cool. So, should I start getting my guest room ready?

And at this point, you could get any sort of answer. Bottom line see if he'd be cool sleeping in another room in your house, or he would make some comment about being with you........

[mandag]

I think I am just kind of enamoured at the moment, not sure if it will pass. I don't think I want an affair out of it, and most likely all I would do is maybe keep up the online flirting if that's what this is. It seems safer.

 

And yes, I did do some research on 'catfishing' so I do have that in the back of my mind, but nothing as of yet has set off any red flags.

 

Yeah, I can see your point though, online people do tend to be bolder, so it's a head scratcher.

 

I think your idea of asking about the US trip is a good way to get more insight, so I will give that a shot.

 

Thanks for your input, much appreciated.