Feeling very lonely...Not sure if I can do this

[babsr]

I have good days and bad days, but I generally feel very lonely with him gone. He's gotten more settled and we skype every couple days and send emails, but I'm starting wonder if it will ever be enough for me. I love him more than anything in the world, and I know if we were in the same city we would be perfect. But I don't know if I can handle being with him, but not being able to be in the same place as him.

 

Another piece of this puzzle is that we haven't planned anything for the future. And that is mostly because he doesn't know what he wants do yet. He says that he wants to be with me and loves me, and he is doing is part in keeping up communication, but I'm finding it harder to do distance without having a plan of when we are going to close this gap. Part of me knows it will all be worth it if I get to see him, but 3 months is so long and it's already been a month apart.

 

I do have a lot of friends and they are there for me. But it isn't the same. I find I am just wanting to be on my own a lot. I just am missing him so much that the thought of being around other people just doesn't appeal to me.

[lamaga]

I know exactly how you feel. I feel so lonely as well. And it's 5 more months for me. But at the same time, he seems to be having the time of his life while I am left back and lonely, not sure how to grasp a clear thought. I have done a good job distracting myself with hanging with friends, but the soon I need to do school work there is no concentration -- today my grandmother died and now i just feel like being alone too. It's really ****ty. I hope it will get better for you.

Knowing he comes back helps me but I think for you it must be more difficult with no prospect for a future together at all…

I couldn't do it, and maybe you should think about if this is what you seek, since you will never be happy as long as you are not with him, and you need to get happy again! You had a life before him, didn't you?

[cerridwen]

The times between visits can be awful, I hear you.

I find I am lowest the week after he's left

then will rebound to a normal mood.

 

Are you experiencing what could be a temporary low?

 

If not, it's okay to decide a LDR isn't for you.

They can be brutal--especially with no end date.

 

I would advise that you tell him you're having doubts.

Just talk about it.

It'd be terrible to suddenly spring a break-up on him, so at least share what you're honestly feeling.

Forget putting on a brave face for now.

 

Sorry you're having such a hard time.

[d0nnivain]

Since you mention him being gone, I take it this relationship started when you were in the same place? If he moved, what are the odds he will move back (did he go away to college?) or that you can move there? You have to want to go there independently of him & you have to get your own place when you 1st arrive. You can use visits to him as a way to scout for a place.

 

If you don't know where this is going & the distance aspects are frustrating & unfulfilling, perhaps it is best to end it.

[babsr]

Ya I think I just experience really low lows. I ended up letting my friend convince me to go out with her and some friends and that made me feel better. But it was a struggle getting myself there.

 

I think the fact that there is no end in sight makes this quite unfulfilling for the most part. But I also want to give us both time to thinking about what we really want. If I do end up getting to see him over Christmas, then I will check out the city and see if that is somewhere I can see myself living for a while.

 

But I want to give it til Christmas when he gets more settled and then I'll see how I feel. And yes, we were in the same place before he moved (but he had been planning to move before we started dating). We've been dating for over a year, and we are really great together. And this really is someone I could see myself with for a long time. It's really just the distance that makes it so hard. So I don't want to just give up now. I owe it to myself and to us to do this for a couple more months until we both figure it out. It just gets super hard when I am feeling really miserable...