Going insane.

[Natsu21]

Met this girl online through a friend.

 

We were supposed to meet this month, after talking about meeting for 8 months.

 

She pushed it back to an unknown date. She doesn't like me talking to any of her friends nor family...after 8 months.

 

And last month, after an argument, I got called a jerk and she said that I took away our trip from us.

 

Am I being catfished?

 

Details:

 

Been talking for 8 months...

suddenly pulls out the "I don't think September's a good time to meet" card after 8 months of planning, saying "I think you're a jerk"

 

Still wants me to sext her O_O

 

But doesn't seem eager about physically meeting.

[Polak]

You said you met this girl through a friend? Does your friend legit know this girl in real life? That would automatically eliminate the catfish theory....

 

8 months of planning, and then flaking? Doesn't sound good. Probably a commitment-phobic individual, among other things. Her explanation was vague, from the details you provided there wasn't even an attempt to pick a new date to meet. Also the fact that she won't allow you talk to any of her friends/family after all this time is a red flag. I wouldn't invest time in her (especially sexting) until you find out for sure what the deal is. Start by planning a new meeting date very soon. If she flakes a 2nd time, drop her like an anvil.

[ExpatInItaly]

Does your friend know her in real life?

 

Could be catfishing. Could also be that she's not exactly single. Who knows? Point is that she doesn't want to meet.

 

Don't engage with her anymore; ie. no sexting. Why would you bother?

[HeavenOrHell]

Sounds like a non starter, no point to it if she doesn't want to meet you.

 

 

Met this girl online through a friend.

 

We were supposed to meet this month, after talking about meeting for 8 months.

 

She pushed it back to an unknown date. She doesn't like me talking to any of her friends nor family...after 8 months.

 

And last month, after an argument, I got called a jerk and she said that I took away our trip from us.

 

Am I being catfished?

 

Details:

 

Been talking for 8 months...

suddenly pulls out the "I don't think September's a good time to meet" card after 8 months of planning, saying "I think you're a jerk"

 

Still wants me to sext her O_O

 

But doesn't seem eager about physically meeting.

[Natsu21]

My friend, who I know, says that she's legit.

 

I talked to my friend about it and the things I heard aren't exactly pleasing.

 

As someone said before, she may be a commitment phobe...as apparently she was involved with 4 other guys in the past two years who were all taken themselves.

 

I've talked to her about a new date but she refuses to set one. She feels like it would be a waste if we're fighting and she can't feel safe around me.

 

"Safe?" I didn't threaten her life. We had a couple of arguments and things got really heated...names were called. And she's still holding onto that.

 

We haven't even met yet and she refuses to set a date, or meet me two weeks from now, but wants us to "work on making things better so I can be comfortable meeting me."

 

From a distance? Guys answer this question?

 

If you're in a long distance relationship, wouldn't meeting actual help the relationship along? She seems to disagree.

 

Answers?

[Polak]

I dunno man, sounds like she is simply making excuses. The "safety" card is BS in this situation. Why would it be a problem talking things over in person? I feel like you're going to waste more of your time with this girl if you keep going with it. My advice is to let her go... being involved with someone who has been involved with multiple guys already in relationships sounds like some major insecurity and high potential for future drama.

[d0nnivain]

I think you wasted the last 8 months of your life. Don't keep doing that.

 

Tell her if she wants to meet, she knows how to get in touch with you until then you're moving on.

[Natsu21]

I think you wasted the last 8 months of your life. Don't keep doing that.

 

Tell her if she wants to meet, she knows how to get in touch with you until then you're moving on.

 

Just called her.

 

I asked her if she wanted to set a date...she said no.

 

Said that it wasn't going to happen until we were "good again"

 

I hung up. Not without calling her a dramatic bitch. That's it, I'm done.

 

Think I was being too hard on her?

[TMichaels]

Just called her.

 

I asked her if she wanted to set a date...she said no.

 

Said that it wasn't going to happen until we were "good again"

 

I hung up. Not without calling her a dramatic bitch. That's it, I'm done.

 

Think I was being too hard on her?[/QUOTE]

 

 

Nope. "You done the right thing."

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

[justwhoiam]

Natsu, sorry to confirm this to you: I think she's right when she said you're a jerk. You proved it with your own behavior.

 

Relationships don't start like that: you want something, you get it, or leave.

 

You give, you share, you stay, you try to understand and gain trust, and start to have feelings for her. If you get a positive response from her, doing all those things with you and for you, then it's the start of your relationship.

[d0nnivain]

I hung up. Not without calling her a dramatic bitch. That's it, I'm done.

 

Think I was being too hard on her?

 

 

I think getting her out of your life was fine. Calling her a "dramatic bitch" was over the top.

[Natsu21]

Natsu, sorry to confirm this to you: I think she's right when she said you're a jerk. You proved it with your own behavior.

 

Relationships don't start like that: you want something, you get it, or leave.

 

You give, you share, you stay, you try to understand and gain trust, and start to have feelings for her. If you get a positive response from her, doing all those things with you and for you, then it's the start of your relationship.

 

I have a strong feeling you and I would not see eye to eye.

 

Oh well. Either way here's how I see it.

 

If two people make an agreement and one person backs out, especially if they're involved, ESPECIALLY after a certain length of time, they are more than justified in leaving.

 

Relationship are about give and take, but I'm giving all of my time to be there for the person through their problems, do favors for them, spend money on them, and I get nothing back in return but excuses...then that's one sided.

 

Me calling her that was harsh, but after 8 months of planning this, and then suddenly calling it off, but begging me to stick around and see if we can try again.

 

Turns out she told me she changed plans: she's going with her mom to Michigan.

 

She takes trips with her mother almost every month. To cancel on me for them is strange. To pull out a bs excuse instead of telling me the truth is even stranger.

[Natsu21]

Oh...crap.

 

 

Guys...she just called.

 

 

Her words

 

"Do you think we should take a break from each other? I feel like at this point we're going in two different directions."

[d0nnivain]

Breaks are dumb. Either you are apart or you are together working on your issues.

 

However, since she suggested a break, take her up on it (just understand that it's not a temporary thing). However, since you want her out of your life, her off to go should be accepted. Plus, since you called her a dramatic bitch & she came back, the only thing that will happen is the drama will continue.

[justwhoiam]

I have a strong feeling you and I would not see eye to eye.

You bet.

 

If she says you're not OK with each other, because something happened, and you ignore/disregard this, and push to meet, how should she take that? I guess you have your own views on that, but most women would think: what?! Are you serious?! Hello??? Did you even hear what I said? This is a joke...

 

Me calling her that was harsh

No, it was rude and offensive. I'm not sure if I'd get over it. And if I did, it'd take me time and he should really put so much effort to show me he's good and kind, and would never be disrespectful to me again. It's probably no big deal to you, but it might be to her. You need to watch your manners, or you'll see more of this with her or with other girls/women.

 

Oh...crap.

Guys...she just called.

Her words

 

"Do you think we should take a break from each other? I feel like at this point we're going in two different directions."

What did you expect? Almost predictable in my book.

[Natsu21]

You bet.

 

If she says you're not OK with each other, because something happened, and you ignore/disregard this, and push to meet, how should she take that? I guess you have your own views on that, but most women would think: what?! Are you serious?! Hello??? Did you even hear what I said? This is a joke...

 

No, it was rude and offensive. I'm not sure if I'd get over it. And if I did, it'd take me time and he should really put so much effort to show me he's good and kind, and would never be disrespectful to me again. It's probably no big deal to you, but it might be to her. You need to watch your manners, or you'll see more of this with her or with other girls/women.

 

What did you expect? Almost predictable in my book.

 

You would be right, but 1.

We haven't met yet.

 

2. We haven't met yet.

 

or 3. We haven't met yet.

 

If all what I said bothered her, she should walk away.

 

 

I'm admitting that I'm faulty. I'm not saying that she's totally at fault, but I am saying that she shouldn't lead me on.

 

Sorry, justwhoIam, but aren't you, or were you not, in a long distance relationship, you saw your guy?

 

Any guy would have been feeling fishy if all of a sudden she ups and delays it with no further plans on pursuing another one.

 

It seems like she'll get her emotional support and I won't get squat, and women can and will do this. My ex did it to me.

 

Sorry, but if she has a problem with me, she can address it in person. If she refuses to do so, I have every right to walk away.

 

Any guy on this forum would agree with me. But then again, I guess it's one of those times where women see things differently.

 

Regardless...it's a completely uneven situation and despite reasons, I no longer have a reason to stay.

[Natsu21]

You bet.

 

If she says you're not OK with each other, because something happened, and you ignore/disregard this, and push to meet, how should she take that? I guess you have your own views on that, but most women would think: what?! Are you serious?! Hello??? Did you even hear what I said? This is a joke...

 

No, it was rude and offensive. I'm not sure if I'd get over it. And if I did, it'd take me time and he should really put so much effort to show me he's good and kind, and would never be disrespectful to me again. It's probably no big deal to you, but it might be to her. You need to watch your manners, or you'll see more of this with her or with other girls/women.

 

What did you expect? Almost predictable in my book.

 

*sigh* So if I said something to my gf, for instance, that offended her, you think that men are automatically going to know WHAT upset her if she isn't going to tell?

 

You might just be right, justwhoIam, and that is another reason why I wouldn't be good for you and she isn't good for me. Because you think that an argument, a heated one, is a good reason to drag along a first meeting instead of cancelling it outright.

 

One of my best friends is a lesbian. And she is highly confrontational. If something bothers her she is going to tell you. But she isn't going to be dramatic about it.

 

You're just unusually more emotionally sensitive than I'm used to. We probably wouldn't get along. I'm pretty blunt.

[justwhoiam]

If all what I said bothered her, she should walk away.

Ha! So you'd rather have her cutting you off than giving you another chance and keeping the door open so that you can fix things?? Very well. You should have had the guts to tell her so.

 

I'm admitting that I'm faulty. I'm not saying that she's totally at fault, but I am saying that she shouldn't lead me on.

When you know that you're at fault, you need to acknowledge that and apologize, not call her names and get nasty. That can only make things worse.

 

aren't you, or were you not, in a long distance relationship, you saw your guy?

Yes, I am. But he's very patient with me. And never ever called me names!

 

Any guy would have been feeling fishy if all of a sudden she ups and delays it with no further plans on pursuing another one.

I don't know if she's a catfish or not. I have no elements to say that. Have you expressed your concern? Did she reassure you? If so, how?

 

It seems like she'll get her emotional support and I won't get squat, and women can and will do this. My ex did it to me.

I don't know what you mean by this. Are you in competition with your girlfriends? Not good.

 

Sorry, but if she has a problem with me, she can address it in person. If she refuses to do so, I have every right to walk away.

Sure, you have every right to walk away. You're not married. But is this how you deal with a girlfriend? I don't know what happened in your past, you seem to still have "scars".

 

Any guy on this forum would agree with me.

I don't know about that. Quite possible, though unlikely. There's always someone somewhere thinking out of the box or different.

 

But then again, I guess it's one of those times where women see things differently.

This is the most reasonable thing you wrote so far

 

Regardless...it's a completely uneven situation

Most women don't want a relationship to be even. They want it to be balanced, but not even. He's still the man, I'm still the woman.

 

you think that men are automatically going to know WHAT upset her if she isn't going to tell?

You might not know WHAT upset her exactly, but you'd know she's not OK when she's not. Ignoring it won't help. Belittling anything she thinks is wrong might take out some drama, but not addressing anything and, in turn, would show you don't care much. It's quite superficial.

 

you think that an argument, a heated one, is a good reason to drag along a first meeting instead of cancelling it outright.

If I care about the person, I wouldn't be impulsive about it. So no. I guess I would not cancel it right away. It'd give it some time to see what happens.

 

One of my best friends is a lesbian. And she is highly confrontational. If something bothers her she is going to tell you.

But you're a friend, not his boyfriend. So that doesn't count really. It's like comparing the way you talk to your grandmother with the way you talk to your best buddy.

 

You're just unusually more emotionally sensitive than I'm used to.

Unusually? Natsu, I don't know any girl/woman who's not emotional. And no, I don't think I'm that emotional per se. I never cried at the airport, for instance. While many people do. And lots of guys too (that I've been reading here in this forum). I guess it's quite subjective. There are things I don't care much about, and others that are very important to me. The very same word said by a perfect no one wouldn't probably bother me in the least, but coming out of his mouth would hurt me a lot. If you give in to foul language easily, no, you wouldn't get along well with someone like me. And probably you'd have issues with most decent girls. You could find the odd girl being OK with being called names and calling you names in return. But that would just lower the level of your relationship in a downward spiral.

[Natsu21]

I think we're different, so let me clarify to the best of my abilities, what I decided to do.

 

You have a very good point, except I've started to realize something...long distance just isn't for me.

 

That's the whole point. There are a lot of people who have been in long distance relationships and I've been in a couple. One of them was with my ex fiancee of 3 years...she cheated on me with someone closer, left me and didn't care to say bye. That was a year ago. But we actually met in college.

 

I was always bothered by the fact that she and I never met and after so long of a time, she really tried to keep her personal life and us a secret. It was weird.

 

After a while, I decided that with all the drama, the confusion, and the pure fact that we never met, I asked a relationship counselor what I should do.

 

I was told to follow my gut. If I'm not comfortable with just an online relationship, which, according to her, is all she's ever going to offer me, dump her and find someone closer.

 

The simple fact is despite all that you said, I have every right to meet someone I was told to wait on for 8 months. Taking that away from me but keeping me on a string is still wrong.

 

But you are a woman, and I can tell that you're a very old school traditionalist women.

 

Well, I'm a poor, poor man. She's much richer than me.

 

I've decided to call it quits. Frankly, I could find someone closer even if I don't like them.

 

People say I'm pretty emotionally unavailable these days. Maybe that's why the girl keeps blowing up my phone.

 

I've talked to this girl about it so many times....

 

So she knows how I feel.

 

But people have been coming out the woodwork and hinting at me that she's still married. Am I supposed to ignore that?

Edited September 13, 2014 by Natsu21

[Natsu21]

Update:

 

Some investigating on her Facebook page and asking a few random friends there....not going to believe what I found.

 

 

Turns out she's had multiple online boyfriends for the past few months...they all asked to meet her and she made up some excuse not to do it.

 

 

Hahahaha. Wow.

[The Like Fairy]

Natsu21, long distance relationships suck big time. I don't recommend them to anyone, ever.

 

Too many people have too many problems with making long distance relationships work, so that's why I never recommend them.

 

Oh sure, some people have had success with a long distance relationship and have a happy ending. Awesome for them.

 

But more often than not, it is a disaster waiting to happen, and a huge waste of time.

 

Nevermind the Catfish phenomenon. I've recently watched a bunch of the MTV Catfish show series. Oh.My.God. That show proves that some people can be such a train wreck and chronic, pathological liars. Run!!!!

 

Find a local girl, always. Less time wasted, less opportunity for dishonesty when dealing face to face rather then over the internet/over the phone where you don't always know the full story. All the best to you!!

Edited September 13, 2014 by The Like Fairy

[Natsu21]

Natsu21, long distance relationships suck big time. I don't recommend them to anyone, ever.

 

Too many people have too many problems with making long distance relationships work, so that's why I never recommend them.

 

Oh sure, some people have had success with a long distance relationship and have a happy ending. Awesome for them.

 

But more often than not, it is a disaster waiting to happen, and a huge waste of time.

 

Nevermind the Catfish phenomenon. I've recently watched a bunch of the MTV Catfish show series. Oh.My.God. That show proves that some people can be such a train wreck and chronic, pathological liars. Run!!!!

 

Find a local girl, always. Less time wasted, less opportunity for dishonesty when dealing face to face rather then over the internet/over the phone where you don't always know the full story. All the best to you!!

 

I'll remind myself of that in the future, but do yourself a favor and look up where I live, Butler, AL.

 

If we're really talking about local, the most I can get here is pretty much small town minded folks...particularly old school country folks(who are usually racist) and the typical country ghetto. Both really bad choices for me. Mostly the reason I go for long distance relationships.

 

However, if all goes well, I'll be moving to a more urban area in an attempt to FINALLY go to school and get a job...it sucks not being able to get one because of a small town principle.

 

But I haven't given up yet!

[Blade96]

Update:

 

Some investigating on her Facebook page and asking a few random friends there....not going to believe what I found.

 

 

Turns out she's had multiple online boyfriends for the past few months...they all asked to meet her and she made up some excuse not to do it.

 

 

Hahahaha. Wow.

 

Good, you busted her for being a catfish. and you had doubts before. Good. Now you can move on with your life.

 

Good for you for investigating and finding things out.

 

I would actually run from someone who wanted to keep "us" a secret even if they did not want to meet yet. And run from someone who hides you from their family. A person who loves you should be proud to show you off and happy to show everyone he's (she's in your case) with you, not trying to keep secrets.

 

I wish you a happy life.

 

catfish isn't only people who hide who they are but also people who just play with people online their emotions but don't actually want to meet anyone. They just like to be a piece of bird dropping at the bottom of the ocean. I'm just glad it was just 8 months out of your life and not years.

Edited September 13, 2014 by Blade96