From America to Korea. will it work?

[koreice]

Hey guys my name is Jay and i just wanted some input on my relationship with my girlfriend.

 

Me and my girlfriend started dating and dated for a 8 month before she moved to Korea. After that we continued long distance for 4month and we broke up for a few month because of a fight over prom. But in those few month i still talked to her and just a few weeks ago i visited her in korea. We immediately made up and got back together. Now we are back to being thousands of miles away.

 

But the thing is my love for her is as strong as ever but she does not know if we will work. My girlfriend has been having trouble(for a while now) with parents (some emotional abuse and what not) and has then started to become distant to me. She's always tired and during the day barley makes time to talk to me. Giving me one word replies or "cold" replies, she usually loves chatting me and gives me long paragraphs. It feels like she doesn't want to work for our relationship anymore. She thinks im smothering her even though we barley talk..?

 

Can you guys tell me if i'm overreacting and should give her some space or what should i do?

 

Thanks in advance for the help!

[cerridwen]

A time difference can be a real killer to a LDR.

 

When it's morning and you're chatty and fresh, trying to talk to someone at the end of his/her day, who is tired and drained, can be a challenge.

 

This might be the case for her, or she's feeling doubtful.

Neither of you is wrong. I don't think you're overreacting.

You're just both handling the separation differently.

 

Some partners find the separation too painful, and shut down for self-protection.

Others try to draw closer.

The key is compatible styles so you grow together, and not apart.

 

Tell her your concerns. I'm a big believe in honest communication.

Ask if there's a better time to call, and at the same time, try to understand and respect that she sounds quite busy with other responsibilities.

Is there a plan for closing the distance?

If not, is it possible to work on one?

She may be feeling disheartened by the open-endedness, if no plan is in place.

Edited August 11, 2014 by cerridwen

[koreice]

Hey thanks for the reply!

 

I have told her that im concerned and i'll always be here for her but when i ask her how she feels about us she just says "idk". She is the type of person who does not know how to express her feelings, in person its easier to talk because i'm physically there to assure her but now we have to chat over fb or skype she doesn't really want to tell me whats going on.

 

I guess i keep getting frustrated at her when she ignores me or sends me like one word sentences. it just feels like i'm trying so hard while she's simply not trying?

And i feel like whats your saying is true "Some partners find the separation too painful, and shut down for self-protection. " but what can i do to make her trust me and open up again?

 

Yes i do have a plan for the future after this year i'm planning to study a few month abroad in korea and be very close to her

[cerridwen]

 

I guess i keep getting frustrated at her when she ignores me or sends me like one word sentences. it just feels like i'm trying so hard while she's simply not trying?

 

It's understandable to feel that way.

Because we can't physically be with our partners, the conversations we DO have become all the more precious.

 

An exchange across Skype comprised of mostly one-word answers is hurtful under the best of circumstances.

In a LDR, it's hurtful and destructive.

 

If you've made your feelings known, and she continues with the silent treatment, it's okay to find that aggravating, koreice.

You're entitled to your frustrations.

Do you feel you're starting to shoulder the whole relationship?

Since that's neither satisfying or sustainable, you'll have to decide if you want to continue.

 

And i feel like whats your saying is true "Some partners find the separation too painful, and shut down for self-protection. " but what can i do to make her trust me and open up again?

 

If she's indeed shutting down for that reason, I'm not sure it's a matter of trust, but rather a result of the distance.

Therefore, there's not much you can do short of flying there.

 

Some people simply find it too hurtful to keep their heart open for someone not in their physical proximity.

 

It's difficult to simultaneously love someone--and keep that alive in your heart--and also manage the coping that's required.

 

In the end, the nurturing of the relationship DOES need to be a two-way street.

The successful couples here share that effort because LDRs especially, are dead in the water without it.

 

Yes i do have a plan for the future after this year i'm planning to study a few month abroad in korea and be very close to her

 

Then perhaps talk about what you'll do together when you visit?

Knowing you'll be there in year's time may reinvigorate her.

Good luck.

[Zeurich]

If that the only one girl in the world then your effort and giving a try worth. If does not click properly let it go. Other wise at end you suffer. The same I did 14 years ago with my ex husband. I loved him but he ignored given cold answers. After the divorce I feel so regret that I did not let it go and find another man for me. So just think from your head not from your feelings! Good luck

[koreice]

thanks for the replies guys.

Well she talked to me the other day and she wanted to be just friends for now, since i'll be in college and she's doing her junior year.

 

She says she wants to stay focused in school and doesn't want to worry about me being with other girls and parties. She says she still loves me but doesn't have time for a relationship right now.

 

I guess that sounds fair :/

i'm just scared she'll like another person. Even though we are just friends now should i still be there for her all the time or ignore her? She doesn't really have alot of time to talk at all so it just seems like she doesnt even want to talk to me. i see alot of post on this forum talk about if you ignore the other person they will want you back. I was wondering maybe i can do something like that

[ffw]

thanks for the replies guys.

Well she talked to me the other day and she wanted to be just friends for now, since i'll be in college and she's doing her junior year.

 

She says she wants to stay focused in school and doesn't want to worry about me being with other girls and parties. She says she still loves me but doesn't have time for a relationship right now.

 

I guess that sounds fair :/

i'm just scared she'll like another person. Even though we are just friends now should i still be there for her all the time or ignore her? She doesn't really have alot of time to talk at all so it just seems like she doesnt even want to talk to me. i see alot of post on this forum talk about if you ignore the other person they will want you back. I was wondering maybe i can do something like that

 

 

Sorry to say bro. I'll say move on. She's already not interested in continuing the relationship. Don't be just friends if you want more than that and hoping that one day she would come around. Trust me, it won't me nice for you to be worrying about her when she doesn't even have time for you. Regarding your last part, absence makes grow heart fonder, but it may/may not work. It depends upon the circumstances. Again like I said, I advice to you not waiting for her and hoping that one day eventually she would see how awesome you guys are together. Take it with a pinch of salt and cut all the contacts. She will eventually find some other guy because she's not a relationship. Let her go.