He wants space from me only

[Missguidedyouth]

Ok, so, I've been with my partner for almost 4 years and we live almost 2 hours apart. I can say that I'm deeply in love with this man. We have had our ups and downs like any relationship but we've gotten through it and I feel so strongly for him, he is my first true love and serious relationship.

 

We are having trouble lately. Firstly, communication is a bit of a worry to a certain point on his part, always has been, but he's a male so that's normal right?

Well, He has told me that he wants space to sort himself and his life out. He told me i don't care about him and that everything is always about me and he can never do anything right. Now, I'll admit, I can be jelous sometimes and I question some things he does, mostly to do with social media. He likes to talk to random girls online, which Im ok with because I do trust him I just don't trust them. Anyway, recently he just completely flipped it and took something I said the completely wrong way (nothing to do with social media). What I said honestly wasnt meant in the bad way that he took it. It happens often. Anyway he said he wants time to himself. I totally understand and respect it, but I see him post online looking for people to talk to, so it's clear he just doesn't want much to do with me atm. Even though he knows damn well I would do almost anything for him. Showing him support and comfort is something I definately do.

It's now Wednesday night, Sunday was the last time we had a big argument. He was crying I was crying, it was a mess.Since then I've tried to give him space but it hurts to know he wants space from me only when we already spend enough time apart.

I have rung him and messaged him just asking how he is Monday and Today (Wednesday). I also asked if he wanted to meet up and discuss what's going on between us but he's making excuses. He won't say I love you back, or he won't contact me first. It's extrememly hurtful, I definately do care about him and I'm always trying to ensure he's happy but atm he's making me feel like I'm not allowed to feel emotions, like what I feel is totally irrelevant or wrong. If I bring up that him rejecting me hurts he just says how everything always turns back on me and how I feel not how he feels. I can't just ignore how I'm feeling. I do care how he feels, am I just not showing it enough? Because I honestly think I do.

I know I should give him the space he wants but I'm worried and concerned because he does have suicidal thoughts so I like to at least check up on him but I don't want to contact him first either. Argh. I need advice. I don't know whether I'm being too clingy or whether I AM being self centred or whether I'm not doing enough. I feel Confused and rejected. All I know is I love him so much. I want to fix this. I should also add that he has aspbergers syndrome. I too have my own issues, like most people. But I really need some advice before this gets even more out of hand.

Ps I'm sorry if this is extremely long or doesn't make too much sense, I've never done this before and I find it hard to talk about things as it is, so this is a big step. Thanks in advance guys!

[eclectic-ldr]

Hi,

 

I feel for you, I really do! Mr Eclectic & I went on a break once when he needed space - it hurt like hell! Buuut... (ignoring my current woes!) it sorted itself out a treat. The important thing is, if he needs space, you need to have a time limit on it - 2 weeks or a month. If you were having the chance to talk, I would suggest have a month apart, but that doesn't mean see other people - unless you're both ok with that.

 

Maybe message him suggesting you take a month to clear your heads, meet again beginning of September and in the meantime you'll stay faithful to one another. You'll soon know from his reaction (or lack of) where you stand.

 

When you meet up again you can then decide what's going on. In the meantime, you need to do absolutely No Contact. Zilch. Nada. Not even stealth fb updates.

 

In a month's time, he'll have made up his mind, and you'll have had enough time to yourself to gain some perspective on this whole thing. You may decide that you don't want the drama. He may just be having a commitment wobble and will work it out on his head.

 

If on the other hand he's already gone AWOL, then go total No Contact and give yourself a time limit in your head - decide that if you don't hear from him within 3 weeks then it's over.

 

The problem with how he is behaving right now is that you feel like you have zero control over the situation - but you do! As soon as you start reclaiming your side of the relationship, you'll feel a bit better.

 

I know you're worried about his well-being - if you can, talk to one of his friends or a family member and say that you won't be able to keep an eye on him in the same way over the next few weeks and so they need to step up. This shows you care, but at the end of the day, you are responsable for you and he is responsable for himself.

 

Go look after you, think about everything that's been said, reflect on it, decide if it's valid or not. Decide what you're not ok with too. Figure out what you need, rather than just being his minder. You are equal parts in this relationship, don't forget it!

 

Now go take care of yourself, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day - it will get easier and you need to re-learn how to be you

 

x

[justwhoiam]

Hi, 2 hours apart as in a 2-hour drive? Sorry, but that's not a LDR. Maybe call it DR. If he were a 2-hour flight away, then I'd agree about it being a LDR.

 

That said. He's got Asperger syndrome and suicidal thoughts. Do you think you can interact with him like with any other guy? A guy without mental issues? I guess not. Are you ready to put up with that constantly, for the rest of your life? Are you patient enough to deal with that long-term?

You'll be frustrated, misunderstood and lots more.

 

And just a hint: if he's told you over and over again that he doesn't appreciate everything to always be about you, don't question him about his behavior towards you and how it makes you feel.