bamagirl64 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Hello everyone, I'm new to these kind of forums so bear with me here. I'm just absolutely desperate and need to find some kind of solution, and fast, if possible. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years, one of those being long distance (5 hours). I was blessed enough to get to go to the school of my dreams on scholarship pursuing the major that I've always wanted to. He got to follow his dreams of being a collegiate athlete at a division I school. Both of these are great things, but made it difficult for us to go to school together. We got to see each other about once a month but each time was only for about 2 days. Now here we are; after our freshman year of college, about to leave for sophomore year. He is wonderful. He is kind, funny, intelligent, fun, adventurous and perfectly a gentleman to me. We share the same viewpoints on all of the important things, and we know we're spending our life together so simply breaking up is not an option. Even though we try our best to keep busy, make new friends, and see new things, both of us are ultimately miserable apart from each other. We spent the majority of the year trying to find a way to be together, but failed. Over the course of the year, I have fallen into a deep deep depression that just I just can't come out of. I know I sound absolutely pitiful but when you know you're with the person you will spend your life with, it's hard to know you're wasting four years apart from each other. I can't transfer to his school because the major program I'm involved in is not good at all there. He can't transfer to mine because the sports team he would join is absolutely terrible, which would eliminate his chances of being a professional athlete. We've tried to look at other schools together, but no one offers transfer academic scholarships so I couldn't afford it. The schools closer to either of ours are not options. Any ideas for a solution or simply comfort? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Get the idea of changing schools out of your heads. You are where you are & you have 1 year down with 3 to go. People have survived longer with less contact. Use the tools at your disposal to stay connected: phone, text, e-mail, apps, Skype/facetime, FB, Instagram, twitter . . . whatever. Spend time together on school breaks. Make a point to get to each others schools for big things like dances or at least once per semester. So you see each other twice in the fall, plus Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then twice in the Spring, plus Spring break. Before you know it, it will be summer again & you will be back at home together. Celebrate what you do have rather than pining for what you don't have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rinner Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 d0nnivain has said great things. I am in a LDR where we only get to see each other every 6 months so I know your pain. I can not stress the use of Skype/your favourite video chatting application. It's not the same as being in person but being able to see each others faces and emotions is so uplifting in those kinds of relationships. Even if you don't have the time to go and visit each other you can still plan out Skype dates when you guys have time. Or watch a TV show in the evening together, or even just sit and study together. It's amazing how these small 'normal relationship' things can help relax you. Other than that when d0nnivain said about planning larger visits is great. Then you know for sure when you will see each other next and planning it can take your mind off the fact that you're far away. Don't give up your dreams, it sucks for now but it gets a little easier every month. You can do it! Oh! And don't forget to include each other in your daily lives, talk about your day or week or whatever and ask each other questions! Good communication is crucial in a LDR. Hope that helps a little, Rin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carrie_o Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 If this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you can handle three years apart. Assuming a normal lifespan, you have about 60 years left with him. Three years are nothing! Enjoy your time at school. Have some fun. Have adventures and unique experiences. Keep your grades up too. Be the kind of person worth waiting for. Link to post Share on other sites
thekid36 Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 Hello everyone, I'm new to these kind of forums so bear with me here. I'm just absolutely desperate and need to find some kind of solution, and fast, if possible. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years, one of those being long distance (5 hours). I was blessed enough to get to go to the school of my dreams on scholarship pursuing the major that I've always wanted to. He got to follow his dreams of being a collegiate athlete at a division I school. Both of these are great things, but made it difficult for us to go to school together. We got to see each other about once a month but each time was only for about 2 days. Now here we are; after our freshman year of college, about to leave for sophomore year. He is wonderful. He is kind, funny, intelligent, fun, adventurous and perfectly a gentleman to me. We share the same viewpoints on all of the important things, and we know we're spending our life together so simply breaking up is not an option. Even though we try our best to keep busy, make new friends, and see new things, both of us are ultimately miserable apart from each other. We spent the majority of the year trying to find a way to be together, but failed. Over the course of the year, I have fallen into a deep deep depression that just I just can't come out of. I know I sound absolutely pitiful but when you know you're with the person you will spend your life with, it's hard to know you're wasting four years apart from each other. I can't transfer to his school because the major program I'm involved in is not good at all there. He can't transfer to mine because the sports team he would join is absolutely terrible, which would eliminate his chances of being a professional athlete. We've tried to look at other schools together, but no one offers transfer academic scholarships so I couldn't afford it. The schools closer to either of ours are not options. Any ideas for a solution or simply comfort? Focus on all that is positive more than one mere negative. Some people search their entire lives and never find what you have. Realize that quality is better than quantity. Distance tends to only temporary. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted July 22, 2014 Share Posted July 22, 2014 it's hard to know you're wasting four years apart from each other. ... Any ideas for a solution or simply comfort? You have the solution, just you don't see it. It's right there, in your mind. You need to reverse the way you're thinking right now. ASAP. You're not wasting four years apart. 1) You're building solid ground for a solid long-term relationship > education and training to get a job that will not only pay the bills 2) Education acquired and culture will help you face life and give you better tools and an advantage on many other people 3) You want him to have a smart woman by his side, and he can't have that if you quit your goals 4) Athletic careers are a leap in the dark; plus, in most cases, they don't last that long. So you having your own working path is a sensible choice 5) If you can't survive this, how can you survive more serious ordeals? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamagirl64 Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 I hadn't been thinking this way, thanks so much for the ideas and support! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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