Messy LDR, any thoughts?

[SpiritAxela]

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, this is a bit confusing, but I'll do my best to explain it as best I can.

 

My girl - five years my junior - have been going out for a shade more than two and a half years. We lived apart for a while, we lived together for a while, and now we live apart again simply out of necessity. I hesitate to call it an LDR, though, as we only live about an hour apart if traffic's bad. Things were well and good, we were still talking about marriage, and all the fun happy stuff that couples do when you're engaged.

 

Some months ago, we had a blow-up. She confided in me that she'd been sleeping with an ex of hers closer to where she lived, and she wanted to leave me (mostly citing that I could do better, she didn't deserve me, et cetera, et cetera).

 

Luckily, during my stint in the hospital that weekend (due to diabetes complications), we managed to has it out. I agreed that I was okay with "sharing" her with her ex, and she was okay with the arrangement.

 

The hiccup is that he, on the other hand, is not. It gets even more complicated, though. Because of a poor situation at home, she's also now living with this guy and his family. I can understand the situation, sure, but because of where she's living, we always have to tip-toe around him and ensure he doesn't know that her and I are still dating.

 

Now, I'm noticing some things that are a bit concerning to me. She seems a lot more distant than she used to be, and I'm catching her in lies that seem to put her away from me and more with her other man. It almost seems like she's trying to avoid me or force me to break up with her, but whenever I bring it up, it's always I'm just "being paranoid." We're never intimate anymore as she's never "in the mood," and whenever I ask if we can spend any time together, she's always either working, or resting from work, which I find highly suspect.

 

Now, I don't know if all this means things are coming to an end - she has told me previously that she's chosen to marry myself instead of other guy - but I'm starting to think that a lot of these circumstances just aren't adding up. Is it over? Should I just cut and run while the going's good, or should I call her out on it and get it hashed out for good?

 

I'm at a bit of a loss of what to do at this point, so I humbly request advice.

[justwhoiam]

It looks like she's taking advantage of the other man's comforts (as he's providing a home for her for free). On the other hand, she's not having sex with you, so she's only having sex with the other guy. This means that - although she kept you around and agreed to be with you both - she's only being with one guy at a time, intimately and emotionally (hence her being distant with you).

 

It sounds as if she's being with you out of pity, because you are going through health problems, or you were kind of desperate when you said you were ready to share her with someone else. And this last thing might have made her lose respect for you. And that's how any attraction that might have been there got lost and gone.

 

Not sure about the other guy. If she's even in love with him. Probably not, or she wouldn't risk losing him by still going out with you.

 

Can't you date another woman? You have no ties with her. And not being intimate with her anyway. You have nothing to lose by dating another woman, I guess.

[ExpatInItaly]

Hate to spell out of the writing on the wall, but you are the other man.

 

I can't even really wrap my head around what I just read. Are you serious? Dump her two-timing ass and find someone who actually respects and loves you. She very obviously doesn't.

[Omei]

How can you be okay with this? I just dont understand that ither you have no self respect or you dont actually like this girl very deeply so you're okay with this arrangement and id say just go out and find ass elsewhere .

 

But if you actually want a relationship gosh no get away from this girl.