Where did I go wrong?

[RafaRG15]

Hi all!

 

Towards the end of middle year, I began to become more active on social media networks, especially Twitter. Thinking nothing of it, I tweeted at a girl something about one of our mutual passions and started following her. Well, we began to tweet and respond to each other pretty quickly and while the topics originally started out as being about our mutual interests, they soon turned into conversations about everything. But I still didn't think anything of it.

 

As recently as several months ago, we exchanged phone numbers and, even more recently, we talked everyday. We talked about everything and I've basically let into a part of my life I don't let many others see. We've had several phone and video conversations that have lasted for hours into the night and we've both just gotten lost talking to each other. We even picked up several shows to watch together and neither of us watches them without the other. I even sent her a small gift for her birthday and she calls it "the best gift she's ever gotten." We texted each other at random times throughout the day and it would be about anything. I really enjoyed our conversations and it appeared that she did as well.

 

Our conversations are pretty flirty (we're both in our early 20s), but we've talked about her past relationship before. We've even joked about marriage (to each other) several times and she was mostly the one that brought it up. Still, she's only ever been in one relationship and that was almost 6-7 years ago. I've never been in a relationship with anyone before. In fact, this is the closest I've become to a girl.

 

What had originally started out as a "Twitter" friendship soon became a very real, deep friendship. I've told her things I've never told anyone. She's one of my best friends. But, the more I talked to her and the more I saw her, I really began to fall for her. She really does have the most amazing personality I've ever seen in a girl. The way she tweets on Twitter and from what she's said to me, it seems like she doesn't think that there's anyone she's good enough for. But, really, I wonder why she's single because she's an absolutely gorgeous girl with a beautiful personality. I've told her this many times.

 

As far back as a few days ago, it seems like everything just stopped. We were watching one of our favorite shows and, while texting her, I could tell that the tone had changed. Her replies became just slightly less frequent and less full. Her responses were no longer as "fun" as they were. Still, as usual, we carried on until we both went to bed. The next day I texted her a link to something she may find useful, but no response. So I waited a couple of days and started texting her like normal and while we had a pretty normal conversation, it ended abruptly as well. I know what she was doing (because she had told me much earlier) but she usually tells me ahead of time if she's going to stop responding. This time, she just stopped.

 

Her reactions on Twitter have become less frequent as well. Whereas before we'd have numerous side conversations on Twitter as well as through text, she no longer responds to any of my tweets or interacts with them in the way she used to.

 

I, honestly, don't know what changed. We were both pretty flirty with each other, but in the recent weeks, I began to drop more obvious clues that I liked her, and maybe she could already tell this. But nothing that would cause a serious change like this.

 

However, something may have happened (and it's kind of a silly story). We were both helping one of my friends who was going through some emotional trauma (contemplating suicide). In my conversation with him, I told him what I felt for this girl and how much I cared about her and what she meant to me. Anyway, to better assist him, I sent her the conversation and asked her for advice. Before sending her this conversation, I removed almost anything that referenced her but it seems like I left in a part that, when read by her, would seem like I was interested in some other girl. What she wouldn't know is that this "mystery girl" is actually her. I know, it's a very strange story. After this, I told her that the most impressive thing about his story is that they were able to maintain a long-distance relationship for such a long time. This is relative to us because we live in quite distant states and have actually never met once (I didn't tell her this). She said she didn't think she could do a long-distance relationship and I didn't push anything on her. Actually, for the rest of that night, we carried on as normal.

 

So, this is my story so far. It really is rather sudden as just the day before this contact stopped, we had started watching something new that we both enjoyed quite a bit. I just care about her so much and her relative silence is killing me inside, to be honest. What I'm really scared of hearing is not that I've lost a chance with her, but that I've lost one of my best friends.

 

Where did I go wrong here? And how do I go about trying to fix it?

 

Thank you!

[CarrieT]

You may have done nothing wrong other than the fact that this all transcribed via social networks.

 

You never mention having met her In Real Life.

 

I imagine she actually met someone and developed a REAL LIFE connection and is withdrawing to pursue that.

[RafaRG15]

You may have done nothing wrong other than the fact that this all transcribed via social networks.

 

You never mention having met her In Real Life.

 

I imagine she actually met someone and developed a REAL LIFE connection and is withdrawing to pursue that.

 

I mean, we've had several phone and video conversations and we communicate through texting every day. But I see what you mean.

 

Still, even if she has found someone, I don't want to lose her friendship. Part of me feels like even that's going away.

[CarrieT]

If she found someone else, SHE might feel uncomfortable being as friendly/flirty with you as she had before.

 

Or maybe her new guy has asked her to scale back her online interaction with you.

 

Until you ask her outright, you may never know.

 

And I personally don't believe "friendships" of the opposite sex work if one of the parties is even remotely romantically involved. If you have - or had - any romantic inclinations, then the friendship would be one-sided as you hoped for more.

[RafaRG15]

If she found someone else, SHE might feel uncomfortable being as friendly/flirty with you as she had before.

 

Or maybe her new guy has asked her to scale back her online interaction with you.

 

Until you ask her outright, you may never know.

 

And I personally don't believe "friendships" of the opposite sex work if one of the parties is even remotely romantically involved. If you have - or had - any romantic inclinations, then the friendship would be one-sided as you hoped for more.

 

I was almost at the point where I wanted to tell her. I was considering not leaving anything out of that conversation before sending it to her, but her friendship means too much. I'm thinking about just asking her if anything's wrong, but I feel like it's a lose-lose situation for me as even if there's nothing wrong or nothing's changed, she'll feel an obligation to be like she once was towards me, instead of being naturally her.

[justwhoiam]

We've had several phone and video conversations that have lasted for hours into the night

...

Our conversations are pretty flirty

...

We've even joked about marriage (to each other) several times and she was mostly the one that brought it up.

...

Her replies became just slightly less frequent and less full. Her responses were no longer as "fun" as they were.

...

The next day I texted her a link to something she may find useful, but no response. So I waited a couple of days and started texting her like normal and while we had a pretty normal conversation, it ended abruptly

...

Her reactions on Twitter have become less frequent as well.

...

she no longer responds to any of my tweets or interacts with them in the way she used to.

...

in the recent weeks, I began to drop more obvious clues that I liked her

She's simply distancing herself from you.

 

I told her that the most impressive thing about his story is that they were able to maintain a long-distance relationship for such a long time. This is relative to us because we live in quite distant states and have actually never met once (I didn't tell her this). She said she didn't think she could do a long-distance relationship

This part is rather confusing. What does "his story" refer to? Who are they? How can you say "they" and talk about yourself?

Anyway, she said she can't do a LDR, which means she doesn't feel like doing that. Hence, she's distancing herself from you. She probably realized she went too far with you, and needs to stop that. She might even do this for herself, to protect herself, not to go even further with you.

 

Where did I go wrong here?

Maybe you went wrong when you fell for her.

And how do I go about trying to fix it?

You might just leave her alone and see if she misses you. It's a risky thing to do for you, because she might actually live without you. Or you can just ignore the change: another risky thing to do, because most girls would get bothered if you get insensitive and don't even see something's wrong. Or you act proactive: you tell her you noticed she's distancing herself from you, that you understand she doesn't like you that way... and you're OK with just being friends and she doesn't need to do what she's doing, unless she has reasons you don't know, but in that case you'd like to at least know what these reasons are.

 

Of course, it might not be true that she doesn't like you, you just put it out there and see her reaction.

 

Good luck

[RafaRG15]

She's simply distancing herself from you.

 

This part is rather confusing. What does "his story" refer to? Who are they? How can you say "they" and talk about yourself?

Anyway, she said she can't do a LDR, which means she doesn't feel like doing that. Hence, she's distancing herself from you. She probably realized she went too far with you, and needs to stop that. She might even do this for herself, to protect herself, not to go even further with you.

Sorry, I realized this portion was going to be confusing. Basically, there was a third person (a male friend of mine) who was going through a rough time. I sent her a transcript of our (mine and this friend's) conversation, but before doing so, I deleted anything pertaining to her. But after reading the transcript I sent her, it seems that I left in a portion that refers to some girl that I have an interest in. If everything was left in, it'd be clear that this girl is her. But because portions are missing, it's left ambiguous and she probably thinks I'm interested in someone else, despite the fact that this isn't the case.

 

It's a very complicated short story, but, in the end, I doubt it has anything to do with why things are the way they are.

 

Anyway, the thing is, even after we talked about a long-distance relationship (again, not with each other, just in general), we talked normally for the next few days afterward. It was the day after a night of very normal conversation that things just felt distant. It literally happened overnight.

 

Maybe you went wrong when you fell for her.

You might just leave her alone and see if she misses you. It's a risky thing to do for you, because she might actually live without you. Or you can just ignore the change: another risky thing to do, because most girls would get bothered if you get insensitive and don't even see something's wrong. Or you act proactive: you tell her you noticed she's distancing herself from you, that you understand she doesn't like you that way... and you're OK with just being friends and she doesn't need to do what she's doing, unless she has reasons you don't know, but in that case you'd like to at least know what these reasons are.

 

Of course, it might not be true that she doesn't like you, you just put it out there and see her reaction.

 

Good luck

 

So, we've talked almost every day this past week. However, it was I who initiated every conversation and, despite that, we still had somewhat normal conversations. I asked her if she wanted to watch something we both started together. She seemed pretty enthusiastic and said "yes" instantly. We spent hours a couple nights just talking or watching the shows we watch. Since we stream the shows we watch, she always asked to watch more when she didn't have to. Despite this, I could tell that not everything was the same as sometimes I felt like I was struggling to get a response out of her. At times long messages wouldn't get a response or just an emoticon and leave the onus on me to come up with something or let it die.

 

Her life seems to be pretty devoid of much drama at the moment and I'd hate to be the one to bring it into her life, especially with something like this. Still, after so long of basically spilling our lives to each other, to just go from that to almost nothing is very difficult. I suppose I'll give her time. Would it really be a great idea to ask her what happened?

Edited July 18, 2014 by RafaRG15

[TAV]

Maybe I did not read your msg carefully but what is your plan, OP? Do you want to meet her? Do you want to pursue her?

 

It seems you enjoy having her in your life, all the attention she gives you, the feeling she gives you but you have no ambition to turn it into anything more. You seem quite satisfied with the status quo. I suspect she does not and at times wonders what this is and where it is going.

 

It's fine to have online friends but if you have romantic feelings for her and you don't want to act on them then this is bound to die a slow death.

 

And what's the deal about not telling her the mystery girl does not exist? Do you enjoy making her jealous or do you just like to play games? It all sounds kind of childish to me.

 

If you are not serious about her then stop asking for all her time and attention, let her find someone in RL.