Not sure what to think

[hkh8871]

So I've been with my boyfriend for ~ 1 1/2 years now. We are long distance for 6 months out of the year but he always comes to visit me in-between our time apart so we never go more than 8 weeks maximum without seeing each other. We have a pretty good relationship. I like to think we respect each other and don't cheat (although I am VERY paranoid and always suspect something is up- but i don't bring it up to him because i'd be a crazy person). He always brings me around to his friends and his family and it is very well known we are together. When we are together in person he is affectionate and holds my hand and kisses me and generally just watches out for me. I've been cheating on in every relationship I've ever been in, so it does make me very, very, VERY suspicious and sometimes i check his phone (SO AWFUL I KNOW but i literally can't help it- i do not want to be made a fool of again). i saw a conversation with him and his "best" girl friend who he has known for years (since middle school) and in high school they used to hook up on occasion. Well he tells her that i'm whatever and that our relationship is whatever and what not (one conversation) and it is really just bugging me. I don't know if he's just downplaying caring because he is scared ****less of showing anyone he cares (he had a horrible break up and was super super heartbroken for 2 years). This goes hand in hand with a conversation we had where he said that he loves me and that he picked the right person for himself with me but that he wouldn't care if we ended because he refuses to put himself in that situation again and that he's guarded. This brought up HUGE red flags for me because I care a decent amount (not as much as with previous relationships because i'm also quite guarded). I just don't know whether this is him just trying to protect himself and being "cool" or if he is serious that I'm whatever to him.

[Moonborn]

If you really were whatever to him I doubt he would even mention it. The fact that he feels the need to say it sounds like an act to me.

 

To clarify: you said you have been cheating in the past? Or did you mean cheated on? Because the latter would make much more sense to me with the fact that you say that you don't want to be made a fool again. Anyway regarding that, in the end I think that trusting your significant other is a bit of an act of faith. I can understand that this together with the fact that he acts like he didn't care can stress you out tho.

 

Did you try talking with him about it? Since it is something that bothers you so much I think he should be informed. However, allow me to say something: you say you are guarded yourself. I am not sure how much you can complain about him being guarded if you are doing the same. Just saying.

[hkh8871]

i'm only guarded because i feel as though he is guarded and i did mention it to him and he just rolled his eyes and sighed. i have never ever cheated on someone in my life but its happened to me every time i thought it wouldn't...

[ExpatInItaly]

So I've been with my boyfriend for ~ 1 1/2 years now. We are long distance for 6 months out of the year but he always comes to visit me in-between our time apart so we never go more than 8 weeks maximum without seeing each other. We have a pretty good relationship. I like to think we respect each other and don't cheat (although I am VERY paranoid and always suspect something is up- but i don't bring it up to him because i'd be a crazy person). He always brings me around to his friends and his family and it is very well known we are together. When we are together in person he is affectionate and holds my hand and kisses me and generally just watches out for me. I've been cheating on in every relationship I've ever been in, so it does make me very, very, VERY suspicious and sometimes i check his phone (SO AWFUL I KNOW but i literally can't help it- i do not want to be made a fool of again). i saw a conversation with him and his "best" girl friend who he has known for years (since middle school) and in high school they used to hook up on occasion. Well he tells her that i'm whatever and that our relationship is whatever and what not (one conversation) and it is really just bugging me. I don't know if he's just downplaying caring because he is scared ****less of showing anyone he cares (he had a horrible break up and was super super heartbroken for 2 years). This goes hand in hand with a conversation we had where he said that he loves me and that he picked the right person for himself with me but that he wouldn't care if we ended because he refuses to put himself in that situation again and that he's guarded. This brought up HUGE red flags for me because I care a decent amount (not as much as with previous relationships because i'm also quite guarded). I just don't know whether this is him just trying to protect himself and being "cool" or if he is serious that I'm whatever to him.

 

Come again? This is the vaguest sentence ever. Can you try to articulate a little more - what did he say? If that's what he actually said...then I don't know what to tell you. It doesn't make sense and he needs better vocabulary.

 

Also, don't tell yourself you can't help but check his phone. Of course you can. You're an adult. Own up to it if you want to, but don't pretend you just "can't help it."

 

Finally, if he's telling you he won't put himself in a situation of opening up, you're going to have a tough relationship. You will always be wondering what you really mean to him and if he sees long-term potential in you. Why not just ask him? You should be able to have this discussion after 1.5 years. If you do, and he gives you the same line, then you have your answer.

[Chrissyhly]

Since he mentioned his best "girl" friend, seems suspicious that he had been hooking up with her on some occasions during middle and high school don't you think? he seems suspicious too.