Love4oneanother Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 Hi all – I am new to this site and have enjoyed reading the posts and answers. I’m an Aussie female and I am in an exclusive relationship with an African American man. To say "dating" is DIFFERENT in the USA is an understatement….. I thought being exclusive with someone means that you are effectively BF/GF – I mean what else can it mean? And I guess being in our mid 30’s and 40’s saying to someone “do you want to be my boyfriend” is kind of sooooo high school LOL So I assumed that the “exclusive chat” was the same thing? I guess I just feel like in Australia you are either with someone or you’re not – and there isn’t the whole “talking to”, dating each other and other people, seeing each other etc…. Background: We met 15+ years ago at our best friend’s (at the time) wedding in Australia (I was 18, he was 10 years older). We got on well and I moved to America to work for most the following year. BUT I got homesick, the internet wasn’t what it is now and I did have a “not so nice” best friend that fed me wrong info – so I left the USA (and thought that was that). Over the years we married other people (he has a child) and we both divorced (him almost 10 years ago and me in the last 18 months). During the 15+ years he always tried to keep in contact with me, however, I was cautious with my communications due to the “bad info I was given”. So once I was divorced I decided to respond an email and basically 18 months later and 2 visits to the States – here we are. We email, viber message everyday and skype and phone call a couple of times a week. I have just returned from USA and we had the “exclusive” chat (I was told that was fine and that me seeing his parents again after 15 years was a big deal), also discussed him moving to Australia, Visas, Marriage, Having a child, the future, time frames and doing whatever we have to be together etc. He will be coming to visit me in Australia during October (118 days but who’s counting lol). So can anyone help me out – what is being Exclusive in this day and age and probably from an American perspective? Happy to hear from non-Americans too Thanks in advance Link to post Share on other sites
TAV Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 So your point is...???? Did he say you were exclusive and now he is seeing other people? It's not clear from your post. I'm not American but exclusive is exclusive in my book. You can't have your cake and eat it too. I agree that the whole bf/gf discussion is rediculous. I was friends with my LDR first and knew how he felt about monogamy. Since you've known this man half your life surely you have an idea how he feels about this. If he cannot be faithful to you because of the long time apart then he should say so. I need sex and intimacy like the next person but I do not want to have it with anyone else but the man I'm in love with, no matter how long apart we are. Your divorce is relatively fresh; make sure you do not set yourself up for more heartache. He may have been chasing you all these years; you were his fantasy woman and he likes to hold on to his 'prize' but that does not mean he is ready to commit to you the way you expect him to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Since he has a child and you don't, it would make more sense for you to move to the US. Link to post Share on other sites
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