I think she is scared.

[AVegas]

I met a girl going through a divorce in February. We connected immediately, but she was moving out of town because she had a terminally ill 6 month old nephew. I immediately dismissed any chance of a relationship due to the distance, although the connection was mutually undeniable. We stayed in touch over the next few weeks via text, and decided to go to dinner one night before she left (purely platonic). She then left to where she was moving to get things in order. Two weeks later she returned for ten days to pack her things and make the move, we went to dinner again (again platonic), but after dinner she sent me a text stating “Thanks for dinner, I had a great time again. Sorry it was awkward at the end, I don’t know how to act around you, and I can’t wait to kiss you”. So there it was, I thought the world of her, and was truly upset that she was moving. I have had many girlfriends, and was married for over 12 years, and I don’t think I have ever connected with someone on this level.

 

We ended up seeing each other 3 nights later (just before she was moving for good) and this time it was far from platonic. Just over a week later I flew out to see her and we spent the weekend together (it was truly amazing). Over the next 5 weeks our schedules were in conflict and we were unable to travel to see each other, however we were texting over 100 times per day, and talking on most days too. The texts and conversations had depth and we were really getting to know each other, but they were filled with mutual desires too (e.g. I wish you were here, I want to be in your arms, I want to be held by you, etc.), while also being playful and flirtatious.

 

I had plans for June 7-9 to travel to see her; we had tickets to the baseball game, and to a concert the following night. The whole weekend was planned. On Friday the 6th she asked me to cancel the trip and told me she “can’t do long distance”; she alluded to the fact that it was too hard on her because she wanted me there and I couldn’t be. I think the 5 weeks of no physical presence/contact created this, but our plans for the next three months were set to see each other every two weeks, and even have a week long vacation together.

 

At the time she told me, I understood the stress she was under as she had just made a major move, is finalizing a divorce, started a new job (she’s a nurse) with crazy hours which is not allowing her to sleep well, she is living in a temporary place out of a suitcase (uncomfortably), and her family was distraught over a terminally ill but precious baby. Since she told me her nephew has passed away, and now her and her family are dealing with the mourning and grief.

 

I never expected anything to happen between us considering I knew she was moving, but neither of us could control our feelings or attraction. I believe she feels as strongly as I do, but is receding to protect herself. I am giving her space (I did send her a condolence text, which she immediately responded to), but I am not sure if there is anything else I should or can do. I am willing to pull out all stops and do something to "sweep her off her feet, but I am concerned it may backfire. I don’t recall ever feeling so strongly for someone.

 

Please help!

[FitChick]

I don't think she is scared so much as having too many stressful events occurring all at once. LDRs are stressful under the best of circumstances and she can control that stress, unlike her job, divorce and death.

 

I'd let her initiate all contact and then respond. If anything is to happen, it will take many months, in my opinion.

 

Is there any reason you can't move to where she lives?

[AVegas]

Thanks, FitChick.

 

We are not so far away, about a 1:45 flight.

 

I am not in a position to move at this time since I have 50% custody of my children that I won't sacrifice. I am also the CEO of a company that is rapidly expanding.

 

Two points you should know though:

 

(1) I can make it a point to travel to see her or have her come see me more often (even more than the every two weeks). I am not financially restrained.

 

(2) When we did find ourselves falling for each other she initiated conversations multiple times stating she would move back to where I am. Most of the statements had to do with her talking to friends and answering their questions like "why are you just starting a relationship when you just moved from there?", and "Would he want to move here, what's your plan?". She told me she answered both of them with "He is an amazing guy, and I am so happy that I met him, I moved for my nephew and family, but I would move back".

 

Now that she has been there for 6 weeks that has seemingly changed to where she stated to me last week, that "she is just getting things back in order, and has too much on her plate; and doesn't know when (or if) she would move back".

 

It really seems as thought the lack of physical presence for the 5 week period threw a wrench in things. All of her texts, even up to the day before, were gushing with desire (and maybe a bit of frustration) for me to be there and hold her, hug her, and kiss her.

 

I am trying to just lay off and give her space (especially now since she is mourning the loss of her precious nephew), but it is taking every ounce of restraint to not text, call, or even travel to surprise her.

Edited June 14, 2014 by AVegas

[justwhoiam]

I think she didn't feel OK for fun time with you. And that led her to cancel the trip altogether. And about not wanting a LDR anymore, I guess she had a shot of reality witnessing the death of a child. Mourning was real, some far away lover was somehow not. I'm not saying you're not real, but you're just a dream that could or couldn't come true. Not sure if you can understand what I mean.

 

You could give her the stability and peace of mind she deserves. But trying to convince her will not work if not in person. Maybe you can bump into her in her work area, if that's not too scary. Or you could just meet her for a coffee in her town/city, or during a lunch break. If you both can't resist one another, a LDR can become feasible. But you'd know about that only seeing her eye to eye. Seeing if she needs your touch, etc. At that point, you could reassure her and tell her that if she doesn't feel like moving to where you are (a nurse can work anywhere, right?), you could handle the travels back & forth for the both of you and you are willing to do what is needed to make things work.

[AVegas]

Thanks, justwhoiam. Just to clarify the trip was scheduled, and asked to be cancelled prior to her nephew passing, so that reality hadn't set in yet.

 

I agree I need to see her face to face, the memorial service for her nephew is next Saturday, but I think it would be awkward to show up there (even if just for support), unless a direct invite was extended, as I don't know her family.

 

I have business where she lives so I can certainly make a nonchalant business trip and ask to have lunch. I believe everything will rush back if I see her and I could have the opportunity to explain that I am willing to travel enough to make it seem far from an LDR.