Should I enter an LDR?

[ava1989]

Hey all, I'm in need of some advice!

 

I'm a 25 yo female and recently met a 29 yo guy, who lived briefly in my town a few months ago. We hit it off and dated locally for a month, it was quite intense and quite fantastic! Now he has moved away and we've done the long distance thing for two months, visited each other three weekends. I really, really like him, and I haven't met anyone who cared so much for me in quite some time, but I'm starting to doubt where this is going. I know some people are doing LDRs, but I'm just not sure. During these two months I've found out that I really want closeness, to do things on a minutes notice, and just him to be there for me when I need him (I was going through a rough patch). Also, I'm the kind of person that lives in a bubble where I am, I'm lousy at keeping in touch with people at a distance, even by siblings and best friends. Doing all right with that part now, but what happens when the honeymoon phase is over? But the bigger problem is this:

 

I'm staying where I am for another year and a half, while he finishes school elswhere. It's really hard for me to find a good job where he lives. After that I'm moving even further away to do a a very specific two year graduate program. And it may not be possible for him to join me due to the nature of his work. Right now it's 2 hours travel, when I move away it may be more like 5 hours. And we're not at a point yet where I feel like I can sacrifice my plans, even though he is a really really great.

 

On the one hand I'm thinking he is a fantastic guy and I may not meet someone quite like him for a long while. On the other hand, we won't be close for two, maybe four (!) years. I'm debating wether I should call it quits before any serious harm is done to either of us, or give it a shot? I'm falling in love with him, but it's to early to tell if he's the one really. I know people will say love will conquer all, etc. But realistically, what do you think I should do? Any experiences, any good advice?

Edited April 15, 2014 by ava1989

[TMichaels]

I don't understand what the big rush is. Why can't you just go with the flow and see how things develop and sweat the details later?

 

You've only dated this guy for three months. Do you have a "sell by" date stamped on your head or something?

 

Plus, you're not the only one in this relationship. What does he want/want to do? My guess is that he's not obsessing about all of this to the degree that you are.

 

The decision about how/whether things continue ought to be something the two of you discuss and decide.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[justwhoiam]

I really want closeness, to do things on a minutes notice

With the employment market as it is nowadays, and considering many guys your age might be still studying too, I doubt anyone could be available as you snap your fingers, even if they lived next door.

 

You need to be patient regardless of where your potential boyfriend is.

If I got it right you're seeing him every weekend, which is what many non LD couples do when they're not living together.

 

Regarding him moving 5 hours away, well, if you already know it's too much for you to handle, you can break up with him now. You won't know if he's the one for you, and you might still wonder about that for years to come. But you need to live with that. You can't have your cake and eat it too.