Hey everyone, I need some help sorting out my head!
My girldfriend of one year said to me a few days ago that she had considered taking a gap year (we are both just 18). This means that she will leave for anything up to a year to as she puts it "get some life experience, grow as a person etc etc".

We have given up quite a lot for each other over since we met - we both neglected our studies (something which was very important to me) and I have practically lost all contact with my friends because I've spent so much time with her. Lots of hobbies I had before are gone, and she is basicially the focus of my life. She would have me believe the same about her too. I have even chosen a different university so that I can commute from home and see her everyday or at least a few times a week.

She tells me that she loves me far too often - so that it gets a little tiring and in my mind even begins to sound false.

The thing I need help with, however, is this gap year business. She says that to properly experience a gap year she needs to go alone. She said IF she decided to go on a gap year, she would ring me everyday and she wants us to still be together. She says that it is just a thought at the moment, and that mostly her money situation and thought of leaving me is stopping her.

She says she slightly resents our relationship and wishes we'd met later on - because she probably won't get to do most of the things she wants to. Thing is - we are both majorly into travel. We've agreed to visit as many countries together as we possibly can when we have proper jobs.

Now I would never stop her going off to do the things she wants to do - because I love her - but it hurts me a lot to think that she would want to be without me for a whole year. Also - she says another main point of a gap year is to meet new people - well what's wrong with me??? I just can't get over the fact that she would leave me for that long - and on top of that - expect me just to sit around for a year and wait for her to get back after having left me for so long by her own choosing.
Not pleased - Very grumpy - and I'm not sure I even belive that she loves me anymore.

Can someone help??

Thank you very very very much

[jessliner]

Hi,
I was in a similar situation once and I understand how you feel. It sucks/hurts to think that the person you love wants to be alone or worse meet new people. But if that is what she wants or needs, then you must respect that. My advice to you is to give it a try. It will most likely really suck for you at first while you adjust to her being gone but in the end, I think it will be best. You are very young and you still have a lot to learn and a lot of growing to do. I'm only 22 but when I look at where I was at 18 and where I am now there's a big difference. Spending some time apart could make your relationship even stronger. Being apart and meeting new people could make you both realize how well suited you are for each other and how lucky you were to find each other. It can be hard to know if something is really good if you don't know what else is out there. The thing you need to do is try to stay close. Talk to her often while she is away and try to always be positive. Don't make her feel guilty for leaving because then she will begin resent you and not want to talk to you as much. As much as you might feel angry or jealous or sad, try to always be positive and happy and interested in what she is discovering. It's like that old saying...If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it's yours. If it doesn't, it was never really yours in the first place. This is never a fun situation to be in but it will have its rewards. It will prove to both of you how true your love really is. There is always a chance she will meet someone else but the same goes for you. Keep an open mind and an open heart and try to make the best of it and use that time to grow yourself. You mentioned that you have given up old friends and hobbies and made this girl your life. That could become a problem for you and your relationship. Having other interests and friends will only make you a stronger, more interesting person. Use your time apart to learn more about yourself and get back into those things you used to love. If you can both use this time to grow and learn about yourselves and have positive contact with each other, then when she returns you can begin a new part of your relationship that will be healthier and stronger than before. Just keep your head up, it may seem hard now but there will come a time when you realize the lessons you learned and how you grew and that will be so valuable to you.