christabel Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 So, I've been in regular communication for almost six months with a guy. I really tried to not fall too hard for him before we met, although he's pretty much exactly what I'm looking for on paper. Finally met last month, and he was ridiculously perfect, gorgeous, funny, thoughtful, etc. The initial coffee meet-up ended up lasting eight hours, and then another three the next day before he had to leave. But... I felt nothing. I mean a -he might as well have been a relative- level of nothing. Now, he does remind me of a friend from college I dated, who I didn't start liking for almost two years. I was also ridiculously nervous, so I'm not sure if I should agree to meet-up again in a few weeks. Honestly, I'm about ready to just cut things off. Anyone have delayed attraction in an LDR? Link to post Share on other sites
KoKo0 Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 If you dont have a connection, why bother? He can be Johnny Depp but if the connection is not thee, I wouldn't feel complete. Link to post Share on other sites
pettie Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Anyone have delayed attraction in an LDR? Quite on the contrary, I think attraction levels won't get better with time and distance. Perhaps having a good connection with him led you to have high expectations about him, that it all came crashing down when you finally met, thus "feeling nothing". Another thing might have been the nervousness mentally blocking you from feeling that attraction. I'd let it go - as kokoo says, why bother? Especially considering it would be a LDR. In my opinion, LDRs are something you *have* to do because you love that person so much that it's worth it. It's not something you'd deliberately look for, especially if there isn't much attraction or a solid base! Would give it another chance if he were local... Having said this... how far apart are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author christabel Posted March 13, 2013 Author Share Posted March 13, 2013 Quite on the contrary, I think attraction levels won't get better with time and distance. Perhaps having a good connection with him led you to have high expectations about him, that it all came crashing down when you finally met, thus "feeling nothing". Another thing might have been the nervousness mentally blocking you from feeling that attraction. I'd let it go - as kokoo says, why bother? Especially considering it would be a LDR. In my opinion, LDRs are something you *have* to do because you love that person so much that it's worth it. It's not something you'd deliberately look for, especially if there isn't much attraction or a solid base! Would give it another chance if he were local... Having said this... how far apart are you? He's around 500 miles away (seven-eight hours away.) I kept my expectations low, and it was nice that his personality online matched in person. Although, I was pretty nervous. I'm sort-of stuck with some form of LDR at the moment, I live 100 miles away from a city of over 3,000. But, yeah it's just started to feel like it's dragging on, and my gut is saying to not waste any more time. Link to post Share on other sites
xyn Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 In my experience (as well as my mom's), if the chemistry isn't there immediately, it doesn't ever get around to showing up. I've never 'belatedly developed feelings' for anyone, much less someone in an LDR. My bf and I had instant sparks just from talking on the phone, and when we met in person it was like I was literally being pulled to him. I recognized him immediately even though he never got on webcam much and I had very few pictures to go on, and my brain went completely dead and I just ran to him. I don't even remember running; he told me I did later. I hated being even an inch away from him. I couldn't stand to not be near him. Even now I feel that way; I can't help but FEEL his presence in the room and we're wildly attracted to one another. It's amazing. Our relationship was already well established when we met, so it was probably different for us, but either way I know I would've been REALLY attracted to him, no matter what stage our relationship was in at the time. I agree with one of the previous posters... if you're gonna go through the awfulness that is an LDR, you should really look for something exceptional. It's not worth it otherwise! Link to post Share on other sites
Author christabel Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 I would have to say that I agree... there's no point in starting/continuing an LDR if there isn't at least some chemistry. I'm going to go with my gut feeling and end it. Link to post Share on other sites
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